If you're invited to someone's birthday and go to a restaurant, should the guests pay or host party pay for everything?

I guess that's something that should be brought up before the actual event...

communication is key

context is important

if it's a Mcdonalds party for children and all the guests are expected to bring gifts then my understanding of the situation is that the host pays

if one is going to a five star michellin restaurant then each pays for themselves

personally when friends and I have gone to something like a Chinese resturant then everyone but the birthday person pays (ie we pay for them)

I think either can be fine as long as it's communicated before hand.

I think I went to restaurant parties where we had to pay for our stuff (with the exception of the cake) so I don't really have an issue with it...

Everyone pay for themselves + the bday person in one circle of my friends

In my other social circle where people are better off financially, the host pay for all

If not made clear in the invite, I don't think it would hurt to ask.

For all the birthdays that I attended, it was the celebrated person who paid for everything. Even for my birthday, it was me who paid for the guests.

For children it's like the same, although it's the parents of the celebrated child who are paying.

why would i pay? it's their b day

If it's adults, it most likely you pay for your own and split the birthday person's bill...unless mentioned otherwise. If it's kids, it should be parents of the birthday kid.

I think it should be clear in advance, and also, I think it kind of depends on who is inviting who.

If the birthday person is saying, "It's my birthday, come eat out with me!" and then expects the guests they invited to pay for them, then that's entitled behavior.

If it's the friends saying, "It's your birthday, let's go out!" then I think they should make it clear if it's an "our treat" kind of thing or not.

And I think all around you have to be cognizant that not everyone makes the same bank or has the same expenses even if they do. So if you're throwing around ideas and not treating, then you should try to pick a place that has a good range of prices so no one feels like they have risk standing out by only ordering water and a tiny starter salad.

Depends.

What's normal where I live is everyone pay their part. Because birthdays are not usually big celebrations, just some dinner in some place.

People here have some kind of pride about letting other people pay for them, like it's common to see people discussing about paying everywhere. And even in weddings and other related stuff you are kinda expected to gift the people that prepared it money that covers for your part plus an actual gift if you are close but you do it before the events happens.

Kids birthdays are usually paid all by the parents if you are renting some playground or something (and you still have to gift something to the kid)

well based on what you have said in the title

if you are invited to a birthday party and the host has made the decision to have it in a restaurant then you shouldn't be expected to be asked to pay from the host

however you should bring gifts or even monetary gift to the host as a way of celebrating the host birthday

bringing children to the restaurant shouldn't matter as long as the gift is adequate

adequate or not adequate is decided by you of course, not the host

to all the ones i've been to in my life, the birthday person pays.

It depends what host means.

Are they simply inviting everyone to go to a restaurant as a celebration? Then everyone pays for themeselves. Some times guests may just pay for for the birthday boy/girl food or activities.

Are they renting out a place or holding a specific event? Then the host should pay or set catering in advance. When going to a wedding you don’t pay for your own food, it’s already taken care of by the couples family.

Good question. I'll give my perspective on it, though I'm sure people will disagree with me. First of all, my rule of thumb is the host should always pay for everything. This includes business meetings, hanging out with friends, parties, vacations, literally anything. This includes birthdays too. If the host cannot pay for everything by themselves, they either don't do it and choose something else/do nothing, or let the guests know more than a week in advance (so they can save up money if they're poor or if they can't afford to pay and don't want to come because of that, they have time to cancel without being last minute).

As for if I have a preference for children or adults, I do not, not really. I get along with children better because of how playful and actually fun they are, but sometimes adults are more relatable and understand what I am going through and my struggles better. It depends on my mood too, but generally I am completely fine with either. If you mean in who pays, the parents of the child typically always pay for their child. Whether the host parents pay for everything or the guest parents' chip in too probably depends on the circumstances. Like I said, that's my opinion, as harsh as it is. You're allowed to have a different one if you disagree with me. Have a great day/night!

Quote from autumnleaf_soshi

well based on what you have said in the title

if you are invited to a birthday party and the host has made the decision to have it in a restaurant then you shouldn't be expected to be asked to pay from the host

however you should bring gifts or even monetary gift to the host as a way of celebrating the host birthday

bringing children to the restaurant shouldn't matter as long as the gift is adequate

adequate or not adequate is decided by you of course, not the host

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Agreed with all of this. Common sense 100. Have a great day/night!

I think if it's children it's expected for the birthday person parents pay, unless it's something like each one bring food but that's usually btw immediate family.

For adults it really depends how well off financially people are, but it seems like an universal awkward experience tbh lol Not everyone is mindful of others money

All the birthday celebrations i have done with my friend everyone pays for themselves. We just book a room and eat dinner while chatting with each other but the host brings a cake

Quote from didi2802

For all the birthdays that I attended, it was the celebrated person who paid for everything. Even for my birthday, it was me who paid for the guests.

For children it's like the same, although it's the parents of the celebrated child who are paying.

Quote from alexS

I guess it depends on different kinds of people or their culture?

It needs to be talked about before hand.

But I never had to pay once when I went to a birthday party.

And nobody had to pay when they came to mine.

And this ranged from having a few drinks at the pub to some really fancy restaurants or clubs in Soho.

Back home in Romania, that is the rule as well.

You go to a birthday party you bring a gift that is worth at least as much how much "damage" you will do.

That's why I would always buy a very expensive bottle of spirits plus another gift for the host

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Quote from doesitneedsaying

why would i pay? it's their b day

looks like it works differently in European countries. For all the birthday celebrations where we eat out i had to pay for myself.

Quote from Haolat

looks like it works differently in European countries. For all the birthday celebrations where we eat out i had to pay for myself.

all three of us are from eastern europe, i don't know how is it in other parts of europe.

i cannot imagine myself paying for somebody else's birthday. what's the difference between b day celebration and a regular dinner then? we just bring gifts and it doesn't have to be anything expensive. if a meal costs 30 euros per person it's not expected to bring a gift that is worth as much. alexS said that's expected in romania but that certainly isn't the case here. you're not making a celebration to earn money lol.

if you go to a house party people can bring drinks if they want, they don't have to, it's not expected.

Lol It happened both with me, in two different parties

Quote from doesitneedsaying

all three of us are from eastern europe, i don't know how is it in other parts of europe.

i cannot imagine myself paying for somebody else's birthday. what's the difference between b day celebration and a regular dinner then? we just bring gifts and it doesn't have to be anything expensive. if a meal costs 30 euros per person it's not expected to bring a gift that is worth as much. alexS said that's expected in romania but that certainly isn't the case here. you're not making a celebration to earn money lol.

if you go to a house party people can bring drinks if they want, they don't have to, it's not expected.

if it is a house party i just bring gifts and the host takes care of the food. I have only done the restaurant birthday with friends and everyone paid for themselves. I don't know what the expectation is with people that are more well off and can handle large bills alone. My friends are fellow students who are not working full time and they don't come from wealthy families. It will definitely put a blow on their finances for a few weeks if they have to pay for everyone. I personally won't go to a dinner-style birthday celebration unless I am close with the person to a certain extent. Also, the person celebrating the birthday does not make money from the celebration. We pay our bills separately at the restaurant.

It depends on the group of people and the communication before hand.

For example with my family, normally the host pays for everything since they invited everyone.

But among my friends, we all pay for ourselves.

Whenever myself or my daughter went to a birthday party at a restaurant or food place, the host paid for the meals and the guests contributed a present.

I remember when my brother or I had parties and we went somewhere, if you were going out for the party and weren't paying for the birthday party package, then the invitees had to pay for everything.

Like when my brother had a birthday party with a few of his friends and we all went to go see Spider-Man: Homecoming back in 2017 at the theaters.

Every parent had to pay for their child's ticket.

we usally split the bill, it's not fair for just one person to pay and especially if it's their birthday lmao

we give gifts to each other because we want to , not because we expect the birthday person to pay

shouldn't the host pay? aren't they hosting the event

If the host is the one picking the restaurant then they should pay. If it's like a outing kinda thing then everyone pays for themselves. I think the problem is when you make it like a party there's s social pressure into going, but if it's like a brunch or happy hour its better.

The inviter (host) should pay for the bill

If it’s something that you are HOSTING, like you sent out invitations, it’s ultimately up to you and the guests but it does put pressure on the guests because sometimes if the host doesn’t want to pay, it puts it on the guests which I don’t think is fair, especially if it’s at a fancy restaurant, not everyone can afford certain things.

If it’s like a collective decision, like the group chat came together and planned it, like any other hangout, it’s different, it was a collective decision and everyone can help pay. (Which is honestly how I think it should always be, a collective agreement, unless the host is willing to pay for everyone.. I just avoid going to super fancy restaurants and stuff unless I know everyone is going to be able to afford it)

Just my thoughts.

I see it's been a while since you've posted, but I just want to ask—how do you handle it if the birthday person doesn’t make it clear who's paying? I’ve had a few awkward moments where no one knew what to expect until the bill came. Would love to hear how others deal with those situations without making it weird.

The inviter pays for everything...