i've been thinking about this all day long. my country doesn't exactly have a bullying culture like sk has. so i thought i was never bullied and i have also never seen anyone getting bullied. however, today i remembered something when i was reading soojin's allegations. there was a girl who would take my bag and take the money inside of it, call me names, treat me as the idiot of the class, would even physically restrict me when i didn't want to give my money. so i guess i was bullied, don't know why my brain decided to forget about it. anyways, we were also 12 at the time just like soojin was. now thinking about it, the girl had her issues, even though what she used to do to me was malicious, i'm 20 now and i don't think i would expose her in an industry where reputation is extremely important. i would assume that the person moved on and grew, and i never actually expected her to come and apologize to me as an adult. i can't speak for everyone but this girl was giving me a lot of stress back when i was 12, but i don't care about her at all now. and like i've said, i wouldn't care about an apology 8 years later and i would certainly not ruin someone's life over this. not only the bully, but 5 other people's lives are being ruined. i don't know, this just seems worse to me than being yelled "motherfucker!" when i was 12.
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would you ruin someone's career over bullying?
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depends
bullying can be of different levels
dont think i remember if i was even bullied in school and if i was, i have forgiven them a long time ago
but the biggest bully in my life is my father and I doubt I will ever be able to forgive me
so yeah
if someone's bullying affects your life for a prolonged period of time, I'd understand why you might wanna expose them
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I personally think it's a bit too farfetched to ruin someone's career over something that happened years ago, and the person being blamed might have realised their actions were wrong and reformed themselves. I'm not really sure though
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I wouldn't hold it against them if it happened a long time ago, but if I felt like I had to do something for closure, I'd reach out privately for a talk. If the person shows no remorse, maybe I'd want to hold them accountable.
But even then, I'm not the type to hold grudges based on past incidents if a certain amount of time has passed. I'd want to move on without relying on anyone else's apology for closure.
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by the way, i'm only saying this because soojin is an idol. in a lot of cases, idols don't have back up plans because they invested all their time in training. so when you take it away from her, she has nothing and her life is certainly ruined
but of course, if the allegations are true i wish she can just leave the group for everyone's sake and i hope she becomes a better person
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I wouldn't hold it against them if it happened a long time ago, but if I felt like I had to do something for closure, I'd reach out privately for a talk. If the person shows no remorse, maybe I'd want to hold them accountable.
that's what i would do too
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Depends the situation . If they cause damage to me physically or mentally, then yeah. I would have done something sooner, but even then, you never know. I've read some bullying stories where the other person would get away with the bullying, and the person who was bullied would be punished for speaking up. It's not a black and white situation
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It depends on the victims, some forgive and forget and some want to see that person living a hell life.
I'll be honest that I'll ignore the people who bullied me, I wasn't really bullied but someone humiliated me everyday in class bcoz I was too skinny which affected me too much that I tried to force myself to eat more, even to the point that I felt like throwing up most of the time but I still did it. I don't feel any anger towards that person now and if she ends up successful in her life, I won't feel bad.
But I want the worst for some people who harassed my family members and I'd be more than happy if they get in trouble so like I said, it depends on the victims and their situations if they want to forgive or not.
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though i don't believe in karma, yeah, i guess it depends on the level of bullying. still, i'd feel some type of way exposing, like i'd consider other members at least
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in our culture we highly believe karma exists and it's like ingrained in our mindset
so we just don't try to cause to harm to anyone who have left bad experiences for us instead we just mind our own business and believe that person will eventually punished by karma, if not she/he himself punished someone he/she loves will be punished for his/her wrongdoing
so yeah simple i won't harmy anyone over sth like that
if she/he is evil human being she/he will eventually be punished for it not depending on my action
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I'd at least want an apology
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I was bullied briefly while in middle school by a guy who rode the same bus as me. He would make shitty comments about be and my appearance and clothes (I was poor) mostly or knock my bag off the seat. The worst thing he did was put gum in my hair. It stopped because he moved. tbh I didn't want to dwell on it so I just moved on. My mom was going to brig it up to the school after she found I cut it out of my hair, but it wasn't it worth it to me.
I did see him later as an adult. He works at the hospital in the area where I used to live. I never once thought about trying to confront him or anything because like you said an apology wouldn't really mean anything to me. I did find out later after working with one of his cousins that both his mom and youngest sister were battling cancer while he was bullying me. The reason he moved is because he went to live with another family member who could look after him better so he was probably bullying as a way to cope with stress. tbh I just hope he found someone to help him deal with his own issues.
my bully had a mom who was battling cancer at the time too and she was projecting it onto others , interesting
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though i don't believe in karma, yeah, i guess it depends on the level of bullying. still, i'd feel some type of way exposing, like i'd consider other members at least
Well I think my point of view rn is thanks to this video that showed up in my rec yesterday, i already posted it 3 times here lmao. If i haven't watched it, i probably would have a different pov about it but now i just can't feel bad about the bullies. You reap what you soil, that's karma for me
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I think the question should be reversed first and foremost.
Depending on the context and level of bullying, why should the victim’s life be ruined over an asshole. You can grow up with a great deal of fixed damage, insecurities, anxiety and many other things. Why should your childhood or teen years get fucked over only for a bully to get sympathy all these years later first lol
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i agree
but the accusers knew what they were doing when they made it public before reaching out to soojin. the intention was to cancel her. whether it is morally right or wrong (or if you would take the same route or not) is our discussion point
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Yep, you want to be a ‘grown up’ so bad. I smoked occassionally between the ages of twelve and fifteen because I thought it was mature and cool. Started kissing and making out with boys at eleven etc.
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when accusations are made, it ticks me off when people are like "oh she smoked and drank too!" "she dated older guys!" as if they are signs of bad character lol, they're just stupid teenage things
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It depends on the situation. How serious was the bullying? How many traumas did that person leave in me? How shitty has my life been because of that person?
I was only lightly bullied in elementary school and I already forgave my bullies in middle school, so I'm fine with them. There has only been an older guy that bullied me once in high school and I never forgave him. But I don't even remember his face nor his name, so there's nothing I can do.
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Depends on how it affects people as others said....i had this teacher who used to bully me in elimentary school and it boils my blood to hear that he still has a very good reputation....I would definitely want to expose him...
Didn't have any big bullying case in my school among students but if anyone was being mean to anyone...both parties would move on after some time and just mind their own business
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Probably not, but then again everyone reacts differently for different reasons and thats understandable
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I think the question should be reversed first and foremost.
Depending on the context and level of bullying, why should the victim’s life be ruined over an asshole. You can grow up with a great deal of fixed damage, insecurities, anxiety and many other things. Why should your childhood or teen years get fucked over only for a bully to get sympathy all these years later first lol
It's a fallacious argument. Right off the bat you consider a bully's victim gonna 100% have their life ruined. You make it as if there weren't a wide range of bullying, which only the extreme cases could have long term consequences. It's dishonest because untrue. Lots of people have suffered some bullying and got over it. Lots of decent people have no desire to see their bully's life ruined because of middle school stuff that happened years ago.
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absolutely...payback is a bitch.
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In middle school? No. Middle schoolers are just stupid and do dumb shit.
In high school? Yeah, I'd totally ruin someone if I got bullied during that time, specially at that time when I had a very short temper. Of course, I'm taking bullying as serious as a crime like extortion, constant beating and belittlement, and force others to do their bid. Serious shit like this.
Although the chances of that happening at the time would be pretty low as I'd seek retribution immediately. I once beat a kid in front of the church for trying to humiliate me in front of the group. It was the late 80s, so the adults just reacted like kids fighting and let us resolve it ourselves.
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It's a fallacious argument. Right off the bat you consider a bully's victim gonna 100% have their life ruined. You make it as if there weren't a wide range of bullying, which only the extreme cases could have long term consequences. It's dishonest because untrue. Lots of people have suffered some bullying and got over it. Lots of decent people have no desire to see their bully's life ruined because of middle school stuff that happened years ago.
It's nothing to do with decency, some people forgive and some keep it in their heart against the bullies for the rest of their life, you're making it sound like victims who don't want to forgive their bullies are more wrong than the bully itself.
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It's a fallacious argument. Right off the bat you consider a bully's victim gonna 100% have their life ruined. You make it as if there weren't a wide range of bullying, which only the extreme cases could have long term consequences. It's dishonest because untrue. Lots of people have suffered some bullying and got over it. Lots of decent people have no desire to see their bully's life ruined because of middle school stuff that happened years ago.
again, context matters and I think it should go case by case. I said that point blank. And now you’re trying to call it out when generalizing and bringing up most people are fine/have gotten over it. That’s hypocritical
Nonetheless you don’t get to generalize and say plenty of people when it’s all to varying degrees with different effects and trauma.
And I’ll say it again, the sympathy for bullies all these years later is fucking hilarious. That’s bias for ya. When you try to spin it on the victim. They aren’t the bad guy lol
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If one has matured and changed their ways, and the other is still living in the past, then yes i will side with the former bully. I'm not interested in other people's petty quests for revenge. I am a cultural Christian and even though I'm not a believer at all, I still think forgiveness is the better route to take. I have zero reason to side with someone who's sore over shit that happened decades ago. It's not even in their best interest to flounder in their own resent for such a long time.
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If one has matured and changed their ways, and the other is still living in the past, then yes i will side with the former bully. I'm not interested in other people's petty quests for revenge. I am a cultural Christian and even though I'm not a believer at all, I still think forgiveness is the better route to take. I have zero reason to side with someone who's sore over shit that happened decades ago. It's not even in their best interest to flounder in their own resent for such a long time.
“ sore over shit “
LOL though you lost me at your cultural Christian forgiveness nonsense
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There is no a right answer for this. Each victim should deal with it the best way they can. Some will want revenge (I can't blame them), others will move on and others will want the accuser to apologize either in public or private. Some will forgive, some won't.
I wasn't bullied so I don't know how I'd act but I tend to give a second chance to people who I believe they have changed for the better (except woman beaters or child abusers, those type of scums). But I also understand those who can't forgive or give a second chance.
I feel sorry if someone's career/live is ruined after they changed? Yeah but also that person hurt other people in the past so it's kinda fair. (It depends on how severe it was the bullying too, if we're talking about "someone called me ugly once" then it's not that fair).
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I was a victim of bullying and, personally, I forgive the abusers, even through It's been 8 years since I ended high school, I have mental heath issues and I'm still under treatment because of what I suffered.
But I can't judge people who can't forgive and want them to pay for what they did in some way. Bullying can leave scars for a whole life and sometimes the anger makes people make controversial decisions.
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If my bully was an idol I would like his career to be ruined, just as he ruined my life
I suffered severe bullying, I cried not to go to school because I knew what was going to happen. The worst is when teachers pretend they are not seeing anything
Thank God that this is my last year at school and I will never have to see the faces of those motherf again
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I'm sorry that forgiveness is too high of a concept for you.
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