I don’t understand the reason for marriage

    I really don’t or having children. I like the idea of wearing a super pretty dress and wearing bunch of makeup getting my hair, nails done being around family but like that’s the only reason the after parties r fun😭

    Tbh I don’t want to have a relationship at all atp. It looks good to imagine but I just feel like it’s kind of useless at this point.


    Like being able to improve yourself through people why does it have to be romantic? I feel more comfortable talking emotionally with friends tbh. I feel like my friends have made me see more perspectives than a bf/gf. Why does it specifically have to be through a partner?


    I get the sense that u lose so much through marriage and you lose your identity and then when people start having kids that’s all your personality becomes. It’s just that’s your life and then you just die or get sick or something happens ;( Or the other option is working your entire life which is better because then you are freer but then it’s also garbage because people still act like they’re in Highschool and talk shit and act miserable.


    It’s like what is there to life and like what else is there to do? It’s just so pointless. And I hate that also as a woman it’s just expected that I am supposed to want to be a wife or want to have kids and my “maternal instincts” will kick in or whatever ppl say 💀 it’s just frustrating that’s all life is, it is just a big checklist and that’s so boring. Like I feel like I want this sometimes but it’s only because it will make others happy more than myself. It is what others expect of me and what they think will make me happy but it won’t. I don’t want to be tied down my entire life.

    Somebody is going to find you irresistible no matter what you do. Complicates matters.

    I'm put off by marriage by seeing siblings marrying multiple times. I stopped going to their weddings the second, third and fourth time around.

    I'm more suprised some people move so fast. I mean, they end one relationship, meet a new guy/girl and just withing less a year live together with the new one. Or marrige and kids after just maybe 2-3 years. I would feel I would like to be together and enjoy the time together a bit longer before getting stuck with kids and more or less end all free time you have.

  • AllKill VIP

    As someone who's been married and keep finding mr. what the fuck was I thinking


    I feel fine being alone, I have no kids, nothing tying me to someone i don't ever wanna see again. There's no pressure to get married. I don't know why people think they need someone else to be happy. You can be happy just being alone. Sure, I miss having someone there when I'm lonely etc. But i would rather be alone then deal with the shit i've dealt with for most of my life.


    if you don't want to be in a relationship or get married, simply don't. It's not for everyone, and why put someone through a relationship you're never going to be committed to? Who knows there may be a time when you do meet someone that changes your mind about this.


    but also, unless you're super religious, marriage doesn't mean your life is gone, and that you can't do anything, can't be someone, can't work, can't have friends (unless your S/O is a controlling/abusive freak). You can also get married/be in a relationship without having kids, there's many things out there to prevent that from happening.


    Idk who thinks it's expected of a woman to sit there and do nothing with their life, it's 2024...women do much more now. Whoever told you that way of thinking is stuck in the past.

    I mean I used to think that way too, but honestly, as I get older, I desire marriage more and more. I know marriage seems stupid but I really want to find a husband one day and have kids. I don't really think there's a point to marriage really, you just find someone you love and marry them because of that. You don't have to have kids, and honestly, I don't think marriage really ties you down, it doesn't have to shape your whole life, just like having kids doesn't have to either. In the new generation marriage is more frowned upon because people say "Well I don't get anything out of it" but really, your only supposed to get happiness and love out of marriage, nothing more. That doesn't mean you have to get married, or anybody else, marriage is not for everybody, and that's fine.

    ✰ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🌷🌷🌷♡ ♡ ♡🌷🌷🌷 ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✰

    c84b43c6d23bf4bc277ebcd8e1c37de5.jpgStory pin image

    Love 1 Insightful 1

    As someone who's aromantic, I feel like my outlook on marriage is different from alloromantics. So maybe I'm about to drop the hottest, most bogus take you'll ever read.


    Marriage is nothing more than a legal agreement. Love (in whatever form) is what binds people together for life. There are many reasons for people to get married: arranged marriage, citizenship, societal pressure, loneliness, etc. And every marriage looks different based on the participants.


    Personally, I could see myself getting married one day. It's just a label the government puts on you. It wouldn't change how my relationship is with my partner how we feel about each other. my ideal marriage looks waaaay different form the norm. I could never imagine sharing a room with my spouse (if we even live in the same house), or having children (even though I love kids I'd rather be an aunt), or any of that other domestic marriage stuff.


    All this to say that I don't think marriage is about sliding into some predetermined role. Marriage can't be reduced to just one thing because you can make it whatever the hell you want.


    Quote from bcx12

    Like being able to improve yourself through people why does it have to be romantic? I feel more comfortable talking emotionally with friends tbh. I feel like my friends have made me see more perspectives than a bf/gf. Why does it specifically have to be through a partner?

    And I really agree with this. It's stupid how people will force the narrative the romantic relationships are a mandatory part of life.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from NightChamp

    FELT this bcx

    marriage is a scam for women imo

    There are legal benefits in my country.


    Stuff like Tax deductions for married people, plus marred people have more welfare benefits.


    Also, stuff like getting next of kin legal status.

    ╬ Life Has Meaning ╬

    External Content www.youtube.com
    Content embedded from external sources will not be displayed without your consent.
    Through the activation of external content, you agree that personal data may be transferred to third party platforms. We have provided more information on this in our privacy policy.

    Quote from versatile

    For women? I think it's a scam for men if anyone.

    Depends on the country. Some of the users here are prob not from countries like ours where the wife is entitled to half of all the assets regardless of who contributed what financially.


    Unless you have a legal agreement before marriage saying otherwise.


    As a married couple is considered a single financial unit.

    ╬ Life Has Meaning ╬

    External Content www.youtube.com
    Content embedded from external sources will not be displayed without your consent.
    Through the activation of external content, you agree that personal data may be transferred to third party platforms. We have provided more information on this in our privacy policy.

    Edited once, last by Yseki ().

  • AllKill VIP

    It sounds like you're scared of commitment long term and family life.


    I think marriage is an arrangement made by God which is the best scenario for raising children.


    And the best discipline for remaining loyal, but I think that if you aren't religious or if you don't have a strict discipline. Then marriage might be more of a risk than stability


    This new generation doesn't know how to stick to one, I personally don't want to marry in this world not to anyone so I get it. But if I did I'd hold it sacred and remain loyal for life.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from Yseki

    Depends on the country. Some of the users here are prob not from countries like ours where the wife is entitled to half of all the assets regardless of who contributed what financially.


    Unless you have a legal agreement before marriage saying otherwise.


    As a married couple is considered a single financial unit.

    That's true.


    But in my country, and in the west girls get the kids half their stuff.


    But yeah maybe in middle eastern countries and places without much women's rights it might be a scam more for women.

    Quote from ellenote

    I mean I used to think that way too, but honestly, as I get older, I desire marriage more and more. I know marriage seems stupid but I really want to find a husband one day and have kids. I don't really think there's a point to marriage really, you just find someone you love and marry them because of that. You don't have to have kids, and honestly, I don't think marriage really ties you down, it doesn't have to shape your whole life, just like having kids doesn't have to either. In the new generation marriage is more frowned upon because people say "Well I don't get anything out of it" but really, your only supposed to get happiness and love out of marriage, nothing more. That doesn't mean you have to get married, or anybody else, marriage is not for everybody, and that's fine.

    Yes I don’t think it is bad if people want to get married because that is what they want.

    I just think it is not my thing honestly like I’ve imagined getting married when I was younger but I feel like as I’ve gotten older I don’t really know if I want marriage at all more like just partnership is fine for me but that’s if I even want to be with someone at all.

    Yeah I am very comfortable being alone but I have always had to depend on people and I just don’t think with the way I am marriage or relationship would be healthy at all. I don’t see the point for me at least I should clarify


    I kind of read a lot of things online that discuss women and marriage and tbh it makes me feel less inclined to want marriage and it just makes it feel so miserable and this rant was partly fueled from that 😭 also many people in my family are now married and have kids and I feel like I am just so behind but it’s like I don’t want that and like idk what exactly to do about that 😭 I just hate how time is moving and I want to just go at my own pace and not rush into things because everyone else has.

    I actually really agree with your view on marriage/partnership and having space because it’s like too much I think

    Quote from babyspice31

    this sounds eerily similar to one of my friends who is aromantic ... like... to the T!

    I agree I genuinely do think I might be ace in someway but I’m not sure because I’ve always had less of a desire with dating idk tho

    My issue is having space not living together 24/7. I want to have that but I don’t want partnership to be the only thing that’s important. I just don’t feel the desire to like be with anyone tho like if I end up alone😭 I feel like I’m kind of fine with that.


    Imo I feel like u can be loyal even without marriage like I just feel like it’s the same thing as with a bf/gf u can make commitments if u love them it doesn’t necessarily have to be marriage that’s just personal opinion


    My family is religious but I am not very religious so I think that’s why I’m like not understanding it maybe idk.

    Quote from 4NIA4

    Somebody is going to find you irresistible no matter what you do. Complicates matters.

    I'm put off by marriage by seeing siblings marrying multiple times. I stopped going to their weddings the second, third and fourth time around.

    I am the same way, my siblings are almost all married and I just feel like it’s so consuming at times like idk if I want that at all

    Quote from patrik-k

    I'm more suprised some people move so fast. I mean, they end one relationship, meet a new guy/girl and just withing less a year live together with the new one. Or marrige and kids after just maybe 2-3 years. I would feel I would like to be together and enjoy the time together a bit longer before getting stuck with kids and more or less end all free time you have.

    I feel that is more reasonable, I think some people do move too fast

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from bcx12

    Yeah I am very comfortable being alone but I have always had to depend on people and I just don’t think with the way I am marriage or relationship would be healthy at all. I don’t see the point for me at least I should clarify


    I kind of read a lot of things online that discuss women and marriage and tbh it makes me feel less inclined to want marriage and it just makes it feel so miserable and this rant was partly fueled from that 😭 also many people in my family are now married and have kids and I feel like I am just so behind but it’s like I don’t want that and like idk what exactly to do about that 😭 I just hate how time is moving and I want to just go at my own pace and not rush into things because everyone else has.

    The simple answer is dont. Dont rush into things dont do something cause others are. There are people out there who shouldn't be parents or do it cause they are forced. As others have said marriage is just a piece of paper. You're not in a rush to do anything when the time is right things will happen. Until then do what makes you happy. Who cares about others.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from bcx12

    My issue is having space not living together 24/7. I want to have that but I don’t want partnership to be the only thing that’s important. I just don’t feel the desire to like be with anyone tho like if I end up alone😭 I feel like I’m kind of fine with that.


    Imo I feel like u can be loyal even without marriage like I just feel like it’s the same thing as with a bf/gf u can make commitments if u love them it doesn’t necessarily have to be marriage that’s just personal opinion


    My family is religious but I am not very religious so I think that’s why I’m like not understanding it maybe idk.

    I guess if you don't believe in the sanctity on marriage between a man and a woman, Adam and Eve, I suppose then a relationship wouldn't be much different.


    But I guess the main thing would be keeping your purity by only having relations within marriage which creates stability for kids? And also helps psychology with loyalty.


    But then again it depends on what you want in life.. don't want kids and to work hard for a stable family.


    Then marriage wouldn't be for you.


    Just explaining how a lot of people are marriage and why it was such a. Thing 50 years ago. These days a lot are just being together without it.

    Quote from bcx12

    I am the same way, my siblings are almost all married and I just feel like it’s so consuming at times like idk if I want that at all

    Seeing them going into second marriages as a kid made an impression. Kind've stuck into adulthood. Nephews a few years younger started their early marriages. Deja vu

    No not really I don’t. I really don’t believe in that dynamic either. I don’t have an issue with commitment itself I don’t desire to be in a relationship and would rather focus on work or school or travel smth else for my life than make marriage or family the only important thing or only purpose for life. I just disagree with the religious perspective of purity so idk what to say to that idk dude like sure 🧍‍♀️


    I don’t like or follow certain aspects of religion (not religions just people that will use it to disrespect others tbh) in general so this is pretty much why I see marriage as less important in my life personally. I am fine with just having a partner and chilling like that if I end up with someone at all or if I do marry it would be very late 😭

    b1c2b5066d639927be42c0ad19715673401a2c32.gif

    Edited 3 times, last by bcx12 ().

    I can see why some people find appeal in it


    but I cant, atleast not yet

    External Content www.youtube.com
    Content embedded from external sources will not be displayed without your consent.
    Through the activation of external content, you agree that personal data may be transferred to third party platforms. We have provided more information on this in our privacy policy.

    Love 1

    Nowadays there's a lot more diversity in how people live their lives, so there's more acceptance (not enough), too. There are married couples who sleep in different rooms or live in separate houses. There are queerplatonic relationships that aren't romantic at all. And ofc, even more people who choose not to have relationships at all. In the US, there are financial and legal incentives to get married if you're in a long term relationship, but otherwise, you don't *have* to...


    I'm pretty sure I'm ace but not aromantic...I want a "happily ever after" but being a hermit who is difficult to please isn't conducive to dating lol. Luckily, I'm ok with every day being the same(for years and years), so I don't feel any urgency in finding the husband that will by necessity have to magically appear with a signed and approved marriage certificate :pepe-shrug:

    Quote from bcx12

    I really don’t or having children. I like the idea of wearing a super pretty dress and wearing bunch of makeup getting my hair, nails done being around family but like that’s the only reason the after parties r fun😭

    Tbh I don’t want to have a relationship at all atp. It looks good to imagine but I just feel like it’s kind of useless at this point.

    Word!


    I want wedding dress, glam and bachelorette party, trip with my friends, wedding food and shopping. I don't want marriagem if there was some event which organizes this I would gladly sign in.


    I would also like to do Korean wedding photoshoot.

    Quote from Yseki

    Depends on the country. Some of the users here are prob not from countries like ours where the wife is entitled to half of all the assets regardless of who contributed what financially.


    Unless you have a legal agreement before marriage saying otherwise.


    As a married couple is considered a single financial unit.

    Yk there are thousands of reasons why this marriage is harder for women and the only excuse men can come up with is finances lol


    90% of men get their assets, job promotions, money... thanks to sacrifices women/wives make.


    I just think it is almost comical how men for centuries were saying how marriage is prison but they constantly continued to get married, men still strive to get married (men who refuse to do so are exception not the rule), while more and more women, from the moment they collectively realized that now marriage doesn't bring anything beneficial to them, dropped this whole marriage institution.


    Women in large % refuse to get married and numbers are big enough that there are studies on why. 99% of these studies go into depth how marriage always benefit men more. But sure Yseki and Ripia -> from alt account, by all means continue living in this delusion. :thumbup: because science is wrong and you are right. :red-heart:

    Quote from bcx12

    My issue is having space not living together 24/7. I want to have that but I don’t want partnership to be the only thing that’s important. I just don’t feel the desire to like be with anyone tho like if I end up alone😭 I feel like I’m kind of fine with that.


    Imo I feel like u can be loyal even without marriage like I just feel like it’s the same thing as with a bf/gf u can make commitments if u love them it doesn’t necessarily have to be marriage that’s just personal opinion


    My family is religious but I am not very religious so I think that’s why I’m like not understanding it maybe idk.

    The fact that women are scared of marriage and men only complain about them being scared tells you lots


    Across the board, no matter the country, religion or the culture

    single women are happier than married women

    married men are happier than single men


    if that doesnt tell ya the marriage benefits are tipped one sided then idk what will

    External Content www.youtube.com
    Content embedded from external sources will not be displayed without your consent.
    Through the activation of external content, you agree that personal data may be transferred to third party platforms. We have provided more information on this in our privacy policy.

    Like 2

    I actually never laid out my personal position on marriage in this thread. I was just listing some benefits on why some people may get married where I live.


    I don't agree with Ripia that marriage is somehow worse for men than for women.


    I haven't read any scientific studies on comparing the societal effects of marriage on women and men as this topic really isn't an interest of mine.


    Personally, I don't really date that much in general. I'm a very private person, with eclectic/eccentric interests. I generally find most people boring and generally most people find me boring.


    I'm not actively looking to get married or even to date, but if I have a partner in the future who does want to get married then I would not be opposed to it if it's something they really want to do.

    ╬ Life Has Meaning ╬

    External Content www.youtube.com
    Content embedded from external sources will not be displayed without your consent.
    Through the activation of external content, you agree that personal data may be transferred to third party platforms. We have provided more information on this in our privacy policy.

    Like 3

    Eye- I suggest you to think deeper about it because we might not see it as a MUST or as something serious but it IS serious ;( don't just go with the flow :pepe-life-support:

    Quote from sveznalica

    Eye- I suggest you to think deeper about it because we might not see it as a MUST or as something serious but it IS serious ;( don't just go with the flow :pepe-life-support:

    Don't worry. I'm not a spontaneous person. I tend to have the opposite problem of overthinking things before and after I do them.


    If you're into the whole MBTI thing since it is a trend in Kpop. I am an INTJ if that helps.

    ╬ Life Has Meaning ╬

    External Content www.youtube.com
    Content embedded from external sources will not be displayed without your consent.
    Through the activation of external content, you agree that personal data may be transferred to third party platforms. We have provided more information on this in our privacy policy.

    LOL 1
  • AllKill VIP

    The main reason is custody, and false accusations against men which prevents them from seeing their children.. and as someone with 12 siblings seen like a million marriages already, I've seen firsthand men being iced out from seeing their kids or the court giving them a weekend only. I'm not saying that it isnt bad for women too, ofc it is.. especially with abusive men out there, trapping the woman financially and with fear, but majority of the time the man comes out worse in the divorce. Child support also is a big thing.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from sveznalica
    Quote from sveznalica


  • This thread contains 4 more posts that have been hidden for guests, please register yourself or login to continue reading.

Participate now!

Don’t have an account yet? Register yourself now and be a part of our community!

Register Yourself Login