Goodbye AKP and Kpop [TW] - UPDATE, A HAPPY START!

Quote from nityasingh

So,

I wanted to mention my favorite users and appreciate them because directly or indirectly they made my smol amount of AKP journey wonderful. I had already planned a while back to make this goodbye thread due to Bullying Scandals ( I was bullied physically as well as mentally when I was 5 years old and a large number of scandals related to it brought back bitter memories) and was about to make a list of users whom I wanted to mention, I am sorry, I just wanted to appreciate yall but as of now, my mental health is at peak and it's affecting me adversely that I can't control my physical symptoms.

You see I don't have friends and the one best friend I got hates Kpop. AKP was my only way to learn more about Kpop and grow with everyone here.Thank you AKP for giving me friends or a general community with whom I can share my views, joke, and fight with them trolls together.

Reason for leaving everything [TW]

I am addicted to Kpop badly, like literally badly. You might have seen me educating people left and right for taking Kpop too seriously. But the hypocrisy is that I am one of those people who just think about Kpop or a certain idol 24/7. I am all alone, my parents know nothing about me and we hardly communicate due to the generation gap or difference in ideologies. I just sit all day with my Laptop on searching for that particular idol or just random KPOP stuff. I daydream about a certain idol 24/7 and this is the most delusional I have ever been. It's the hypocrisy that I canceled so many people for being delusional and here I am, creating a whole new life with that certain idol. I don't do anything productive and only daydream. It's to the point that I have stopped taking my meds. It's toxic and really toxic. I have social anxiety issues that people hardly understand and I am constantly under severe stress over how a coward like me will get a job? I can't speak shit with strangers and my BP drops to the lowest with heartbeats reached to abnormal heights. I have no future, I am a coward. Daydreaming about that idol gives me temporary relief but I know it's destroying my life. Idk why I just can't stop myself, I literally try to educate people how fabricated the KPOP industry is, and KPOP idols project controlled personalities that are fake yet I think about that idol 24/7. I am willing to die, I have tried to suicide many times and failed it. It's just difficult to survive. During my teens, I thought attempting suicide was normal as my hormones were acting up but now I am at age 21 and still think about getting killed. I had a very depressive phase when my dad and grandfather got covid and I had to share my room with my toxic aunty who messed the f up my mind. Basically, I am thinking to leave KPOP and AKP for a while because rn Lockdown has affected my mental health worsely and I am a coward and not a fighter who can kill myself, for surviving I need to let go of Kpop. Thank you AKP.

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take care nitya, please try to recover and be happy~

I hope it all turns out well in the end for you, I'll really miss you :< I hope your situation becomes better, best of luck for the future!

I wish you nothing but the best.

I myself have learned how to separate this life from my normal one -it's not easy and have struggled myself in the past with it.

Although I didn't know you well, I wish you nothing but happiness.

aw i didn't know you here but i hope you get better and i wish you all the best

good luck and take care of yourself my friend

i would call you now if this were real life and i hope you get the help you need

I've never interacted with you, but it's sad to see you leave. Take care of yourself, and I wish you the best

take care and remember that you can always come back

I don't think you are delusional I only think that you need someone you can rely on emotionally a little. Use this time to meet someone new, whether it is online or irl and remember that you are doing good. There are days when only getting through the day is good enough

Bye, take care...

You always can come back. You just need to find something else to do in the life and you will stop doing what bothers you.

I am starting to think that KPOP isnt good for a lot of teens at all.

Good Luck!

Take care of yourself and i wish you well

Feel hugged, OP. Wishing you nothing but happiness and love.

Mental health should always come first and, as they say, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem so you are already on the right track! We might not have interacted much but I wish you all the best. I'll also let myself speak on behalf of the guild here - please know you can always reach out to us if you ever feel lonely or overwhelmed! We'll be there to support you

good luck ! hope you find happiness

Good luck! Mental health should always come first and if this is the best decision for you, I’m glad you took that first step!

Feel better nitroso. Hopefully we will get to interact once again in the future when you are where you need to be in life!

I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. Great job on changing your perspective and overall lifestyle🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Quote from nitroso

So, I just wanted to do a little update here. It's rare that I feel emotions and get to express them. Today I feel extra happy and this is the best time to write about how people can improve.

I am out of that little bubble. Finally, I can control myself and live for myself. It was a little bit difficult though, I was living that second life because my whole lifestyle was fucked up. Doing nothing, laying on the bed, and not taking care of myself summed up with me having hormonal imbalance lead to losing interest in living. Won't lie I had people whom I could tell my problems but I know after a while I start with my age-old victim complex habit that leads to the other person walking on eggshells while having a conversation with me.

You see I love my mom a lot. She is one of the reasons that I don't quit, she believes in me no matter how dumb and incapable I am. Watching her going through a lot of trouble due to her health was really painful, she is the strongest woman that I have seen in my whole life, and her saying that she might d*e soon hurts a lot, pains me a lot because it's seriously not the time for her to go. I had to be strong for her. And strong enough to live my own life as well. I started everything from the scratch,

1) booked appointment with a nutritionist

2) started working out

3) changed my timetable

4) trying to improve my social anxiety

5) doing something for my career.

Obviously many things mentioned above are still -a work in progress, working out is something that I kept consistent; thanks to online college lol. The person I was 6 months back is nothing like the present nitroso. Even though it's hard to decrease the self-doubt that I have for myself but I do time to time remind myself that accepting your weaknesses is different from self-doubting about the weaknesses.

What do I expect next?

1) Improving myself to be a good and kind person.

2) Choosing a career path that includes an intersection of my hobby, passion, and money.

3) Educating people about social anxiety.

4) Learn new things and explore my age-old hobbies.

5) Teach my mom about self-love.

6) Lastly, to never be afraid of what the future holds.

random tags of people who replied to this thread and close people.

egb-musiclover

@ellenote

just-a-melon

LilyM

selfmate

kooxgalaxy

ekser

Jk996

NEO

craftycat

superyeah

lostatsea

Tic_tac_toe

2yr

Elbereth

Byleth

daniel-cruz

Kaikat

bunnyviolet

Kairina

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I am so happy and proud of you.

nitroso

I am so happy for you my friend...that's fantastic reading that you are doing so well

kudos to momma nitro as well for always supporting you

if you are ever feeling down or whatever find me in the KMC guild or at SM headquarters