I'm an Uncle fan of epic proportions. I'm over 40 and only listen to girl groups. I can't WAIT to meet my current favorite group in IVE!!!!!!!! This is going to be the greatest day of my long and crusty life!!!
Since I only have a minute with each member this is what I'm thinking about saying to them so far.
Girl you be slaying harder than Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know that's a reference you won't get since you were born 6 weeks ago but trust me that's serious slayage. And where do you buy your strawberries? The one you ate looked good as hell. I bet you got mo money than all NewJeans members combined huh?
Liz:
Rei:
OH MY GOD IT'S MY BIAS REI! My Samurai Queen. Oh wait.. was that racist? Kind of gives "All black people are good a basketball" vibes. I can't tell anymore in kpop. You've been my favorite member since Eleven. I always look for you first in every comeback. Can I make a small request and ask that you show more forehead? You look great either way but I love your look without bangs. I'll keep supporting your new youtube channel. Go REI! You are the best!
Gauel:
Gauel I'm just gonna be straight with you. I don't pay much attention to you so I don't have a lot to say. But don't feel bad cause you do have a fanbase. There's a girl on allkpop who stans you hard. She kind of gets on my nerves sometimes cause she thinks shes so cool. But I let it slide cause she likes IVE so that automatically makes her a decent person. PS you do look perfection with short hair I'll say that much.
*slips a letter to Leeseo and just sits there playing on phone while she reads it to herself* Hi Leeseo! Pardon the letter but because you are underage I'm not allowed to talk to or even acknowledge you because that would make me dangerous and out to do harm to you if I did. So I wrote this letter instead so I can't get cancelled online. But I just wanted to say you are a ball of heaven. You are the heart of IVE and you command the stage like you were a veteren who's been in the game for a decade. Please continue to ignore your haters. You have a bright future ahead of you and I'm rooting for your continued success. Oh and I wouldn't have helped that lady either. She should be more careful. Bye.
Should I be cancelled and then sent to prison?