RE: "I have a stalker at school. Advice?"

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I have a stalker at school. Advice?

I currently go to a high school. Theres this guy I have multiple classes with every day and I have known him since elementary school. Ill just call him A.
So, I have never taken notice of A until about last year. He always stared at me or got me things I didnt ask for or trying to be included in my conversations. Ive also noticed he has a very strange infatuation with asians, me being one, and last year he said people have told him that they think he is asian. He looks nothing like an asian and…

OP

Dec 6th 2022

i couldn't risk my reply not going through on anon and i am praying to god you (OP) see this. it is frightening that you're on anons asking for advice which means you're likely going through this alone and i refuse to let you continue like this. you have me. feel free to DM me anytime. i'm here for moral support.

i am conflicted. i want to tell you to confront him. but at the same time i have read one too many cases as an ex-psych now-crim major to know it's a bad idea. you already stated your boundaries. he ignored them. he's already acting jealous, creepy, and like you're his possession (you're not). people who are racist have pent up hatred and act out. ever heard of eric harris? yeah. rejecting him outright face to face could set him the fuck off. you do NOT want that. so yeah, it's time to take it up a notch.

now i'm assuming you've made it clear to him that he makes you uncomfortable. if not then you need to tell him in nice terms that you are not interested. period. and that's not going to change, and to please stop contacting you.

depending on the dynamic you have with your teacher you need to sit down with them in private and confront them about how he makes you feel (make sure he does NOT find out or see you do this) and ask them to move you as far away from him as humanly possible. you also need to screenshot and video record proof that he messaged you (this may be important for later), and then tell your parents.

if you blocked him etc. then disregard this:

now if you haven't made it clear in person that he makes you uncomfortable, consider replying like this: "Please stop contacting me, I didn't give you my number. I am not interested in being friends, nor am I interested in talking. I would appreciate it if you respect my wishes, thank you". See how he replies and screen-record/video record it regardless, even if it's just you saying what I typed above and he doesn't reply. Either way, don't reply to him again.

anyways, if the class solution doesn't help. you need to take this to the principal, preferably with a parent present to back you up. now if the principal doesn't do anything (they rarely do), you can complain to the superintendent but i wouldn't hold my breath. it's worth trying though. depending on how scary this is, it may be worth considering switching schools. MAYBE. i don't know the whole situation but i know how terrifying this can be. it is hard switching high schools but i did it (not for that reason)- the further you're in, the more pointless it is because you're closer to graduating, but it can be done and its a discussion that could be worth having.

if all else fails, you need to get a lawyer and have them send a cease and desist letter to his household. or you need to go to the police station and file a police report. preferably even both (which is what i did). if that doesn't spook the fuck out of him, it will more than likely alert his parents to his behavior and something tells me they will NOT be happy with him. if it reaches that point, you'll be the least of his worries. plus you will be legally covered and if anything happens to you god forbid (worst case scenario) the police already know the first place to look.

and by the way, you're not overreacting. this behavior is completely out of line and dangerous. no one fucking understands no means no these days.

source: been through it before. not exactly like this situation but yeah.

p.s: never walk around in the dark, make sure your route from school to home is safe, remain vigilant (eyes off that phone until your front door is locked), do not open or touch unmarked envelopes, and read up on your school's rules about self defense weapons.

- FeLiNa/Vi

Quote from jarabird1358

Please don't be embarrassed this is happening to you. It's not your fault, you didn't invite this to happen to you. 1st, you need to involve adults. This isn't your responsibility to deal with, especially alone. If the adults you tell or ask for help from don't take it seriously move on, don't give up, ask other adults. There is billions of adults in the world to help you. Every person who works in law enforcement, public education/mental health/medical has a legal reporting responsibility in the US and many other countries. If you tell them you feel like your in danger they have to help / report it to the proper authorities. Hopefully this means someone can pull him aside and tell him to chill. Hopefully this is all it takes. Document everything that is happening to, video, voice, pictures, write it down. Don't depend on your memory. This could be very important if law enforcement / courts do get involved.

If that doesn't help...

Don't be alone. Have to go to the bathroom at school, take a friend. If the teacher won't let your friend go, in front of the class, explain you have a stalker. Yes, it's embarrassing but you and your safety are more important. I guarantee no teacher will ignore you then. Walking home, walk with friends. If you are alone, pre-dial your phone with 911 or what ever your local emergency line is so that if something happens all you have to do is hit send. If you accidentally hit send, which could happen, don't panic, your not in trouble. Remain calm, talk to the dispatcher. Tell them you pre-dialed your phone with 911 because your scared and a lone. Explain why your scared. They won't get upset with you.

this is the best, most informative comment ever on this website. this is so fucking important. especially the legal reporting responsibility part. always document and never give up because there is always an adult who is willing to help. you will never get in trouble for calling 911, they will hear what's going on and sense something is very wrong, do not hesitate to do it if need be because you're better safe than sorry. and try to never ever be on your own!!!

op if you see this, i guarantee you your social status at this school won't matter in years, but a life altering experience will stay with you forever. let's not have it get that far. do not be scared of sticking up for yourself, even if it means there's an audience. he needs to back the fuck down. for your own safety. and if it comes to it, and i pray it doesn't, remember it's you or him and you always must choose you, strike to hurt and deal with legal repercussions later, protect your face and head, keeping your guard up will usually prevent any serious injury, thumb on the outside of your fist, but avoid getting physical as much as possible. and if you do end up in that spot, retreat as soon as possible. read up on stand your ground laws for your area too. you are never alone and you never should be. stay strong.

Quote from selfmate

I will say document all the incidences of him being creepy/stalkery to you and if necessary go file a restraining order or actually report it to the police since stalking is a crime (in most countries)

that way you have the evidence if the police and prosecutor do something about it

documentation is always the key in a world of skepticism and victim-doubters.

Quote from jarabird1358

So I debated extensively with myself on talking about getting physical but here goes. When it comes to protecting yourself. You have the right to do this. Fighting is the last resort but if it comes to that; There is NO SUCH THING AS A FAIR FIGHT. It's you or them. The age old adage of go for the nuts actually is mostly ineffective as even young boys instinctively are pretty good at protecting their nuts unless it's completely unexpected. However, if the opportunity arises don't hold back on the nuts. Once you enter a fight your only goal in life is to cause as much pain and disability as fast as possible. In a fight KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID. I've studied Karate, Cho Li Fut Kung Fu, Judo and Akaido and when I got in to actual fights(I'm not going to explain this...) all the fancy martial arts go out the window. In a fight your goal is to disable your opponent as fast as possible and make your escape. Go for the eyes with ever finger on both of your hands. You have a 10 out of 2 chance of getting something. If a finger goes up their nose, push deeper, and don't stop until your pushed away or you hear screaming and crying. Go for slaps and punches to the throat, your going for the wind pipe. Hard to fight if you can't breath. Slap the ear with the palm of your hand as hard as you physically can. Go with both hands at the same time as most people aren't practiced enough to defend multiple attacks. Kick knee's in directions they aren't supposed to go. Bend fingers in directions they don't normally bend, don't stop until you hear cracking and crying. If they get a hold of you struggle for everything your worth. Claw, grab, scratch, bite, kick, elbow, headbutt! Every part of your body is a very effective weapon. If you feel like they have control and are dragging you become dead weight but be ready to go back to fighting once you have an advantage. And mostly, tell your self, this is going to hurt, accept the pain and then FIGHT FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE WORTH. YOU ARE WORTH THE FIGHT AND THE PAIN. I hope and pray no one ever has to use this advice but...

again with the amazing advice. took the words right out of my mouth. i didn't want to go too into detail in fear of getting a warning but you are so great for this, especially because you're educated on it. from personal experience (unfortunately) especially slapping both hands on each side of the face and going for the eyes with the thumbs. and it's so true, there's no such thing as a fair fight. op, this stalker already sounds balls to the walls fucking batshit and whether he's in love with you or not i don't doubt that he would hurt you given the chance and the right motivation- it's the sad truth.

and op remember! any weapon brought to a fight can easily become anyone's weapon! so please be cognizant of that (for both legal reasons and safety reasons i do not advise even though i carry).

Quote from jarabird1358

Shaming only works on people who are on the same mental plain as the rest of us. For many, it's scene as a challenge and get them in the "I'll show you" mode. The best route is letting the adults handle it.

this. people who come to mind are eric harris, dylan klebold, and especially seung hui cho (virginia tech shooting) who actually stalked female students. is it likely it will get that far? no. but does it look good for this guy right now when it comes to just you (op) personally? also no. shame unfortunately does not work on people with a certain mindsets/people who already hold a social reject or outcast standing. they already have nothing to lose, so acting out is not far outside the list of possible activities they could partake in. there's also the rare breed of people (not gonna throw around psych terms here but one can infer) of people who just fit in, experience shame, and still don't care anyways. all extra variables in a situation that you really don't want to leave to chance. peers cannot do much.