what is leading to unrealistically high expectations when choosing partners as time goes on?

  • seems like every day people are setting their standards higher and higher, often not even caring about bringing themselves up to that high standard


    and it seems to be becoming more acceptable to encourage people to "not settle for less" as if relationships are business deals subsequently leading to a lot of people whining about their poor luck while having nothing good to show for themselves


    why is this happening

  • unrealistically high expectation is better than getting into bad relationship


    people are better off being alone than getting into relationship that is bad for them or bring them down. when they say "dont settle for less" it usually mean not getting with someone who treat you badly, emotionally or physically.

    it does not mean anything tangible like money or education.

  • unrealistically high expectation is better than getting into bad relationship


    people are better off being alone than getting into relationship that is bad for them or bring them down. when they say "dont settle for less" it usually mean not getting with someone who treat you badly, emotionally or physically.

    it does not mean anything tangible like money or education.

    oh but this does not stop at basic needs like emotional or physical connection


    the demand for everything seems to be way higher for everyone

  • I get what you mean but I think what people mean by that is being treated fairly for what you put into a relationship. but yeah I totally understand what you mean. people expect way too much in relationships these days too.

  • Idk i see relationship as something serious, i have zero interest in go dating anyone no matter how attractive they are. Unless i feel 100% positive about someone, i just don't care.


    However, i do think media have a subtle impact on how we romanticize things and set our standards. I can't tell exactly how cause I'm lazy to think about it and short of time, so yeah.

    narcissistic, my god i love it

    JCsIq3Q.gif

  • unrealistically high expectation is better than getting into bad relationship


    people are better off being alone than getting into relationship that is bad for them or bring them down. when they say "dont settle for less" it usually mean not getting with someone who treat you badly, emotionally or physically.

    it does not mean anything tangible like money or education.

    Exactly

    narcissistic, my god i love it

    JCsIq3Q.gif

  • idk why these "high expectations" are automatically unrealistic lol. is it that hard for people to just be... good people? my only thing is when people expect a millionaire to fall for them or something.

    who's your favorite artist?

  • idk why these "high expectations" are automatically unrealistic lol. is it that hard for people to just be... good people? my only thing is when people expect a millionaire to fall for them or something.

    expecting good behaviour is not what i meant by high expectation

  • oh but this does not stop at basic needs like emotional or physical connection


    the demand for everything seems to be way higher for everyone

    the intention is about not being mistreated emotionally and/or physically.

    how people take the message is up to them but it doesn't change the message.


    having high expectation that include everything else tangible is up to the individual. but does the message of not settling for less create people with these high expectation, or it just give them the approval to vocalize them?


    the way i see it, it's better that these people with high expectation stay solo and complain about it, then for them to engage in relationship and complain about how it does not meet their high expectation. the first scenario it's only them, the second scenario they are wasting somebody else time.

  • expecting good behaviour is not what i meant by high expectation

    ok? then feel free to elaborate. bc i personally don't think stuff like only wanting to be with someone that makes above minimum wage and or has a college degree is an "unrealistically high expectation" either

    who's your favorite artist?

  • In my case I grew up in a very abusive household with my parents showing me a very toxic relationship day in day out.

    So yeah I did develop pretty high expectations. Its a mixture of me not wanting to live like that ever again because of my parents bad example and me being okay with the fact of being with myself. I can openly say that I am okay with living on my own if I dont find someone who reaches my standards because I honestly dont have a problem with myself. If Im alone all my life, thats okay too. Better than settling for less tbh. If I will end up with someone, I see that as a very big decision that can impact all my future life and because I dont see a relationship as a must but rather as an option, that option should better be real nice.

    I mean vacation is an option too right? If I go on vacation I also choose something thats suitable for me and isnt some shabby place with a shabby hotel.

    For people who see a rleationship as a must, maybe its different for them idk.

    I think its really important to filter people into the "relationships are an option for me" and the "relationships are a must for me" categories. Because they will each have very different expectations.

    If something is merely an option for you, then the only reason you will take it is if its so beautiful /tasty/interesting/nice or whatever that you cant resists it.

  • Is it unrealistic to want to "marry up" and expect the other person not to take advantage of their position of power?


    Sadly: Yes.


    Compromise is an abstract concept. You can't get something for nothing. You can't have everything.

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    "And they escorted her to a prison cell..."



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  • I think the problem may not be unrealistic expectations per se and getting higher and higher expectations. They are antiquated expectations. Maybe more likely less and less people meet the standard expectations. You can't settle for less than people from the past who passed this level of expectations to the next generation. Reality just changes while expectations may take a while to adapt to the new reality.

    • Official Post

    seems like every day people are setting their standards higher and higher, often not even caring about bringing themselves up to that high standard


    and it seems to be becoming more acceptable to encourage people to "not settle for less" as if relationships are business deals subsequently leading to a lot of people whining about their poor luck while having nothing good to show for themselves


    why is this happening

    like many in this thread have said, i think it's a reaction to modern day restlessness and dissatisfaction caused by pressure from family and peers, and even through the impossible standards that media can portray.


    being with someone who can provide is fine but there's more to life than the superficial. i do think that stress from not having enough at all can really send a relationship into a downward spiral. being hungry and always worrying about bills would be a huge burden and cause tension as well.


    the part about not settling for less i think is a response to how women and men do settle all the time, for someone who doesn't contribute to their spouse's happiness and future together. it's almost necessary for people to consider marriage as a business contract, but tbf less people procreating is probably better for the environment.

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