What proof a victim of bullying should have ?

  • AllKill VIP

    With all this recent accusation, and seeing so many people asking for evidence from the "victim"

    one question came to my mind, what type of proof a victim of bullying should have in their possession ?


    in my opinion it's a serious question who isn't link to the recent controversy but should be consider in general


    We all know that bullying is something very common in korea and some hide and other not but Bully doesn't always leave proof of their bullying beside people who assist to the bullying to give their testimony


    so it always take me by surprise even if i understand from where this people come from when they ask for the victim evidence but it always take me by surprise because i'm always thinking in a side of my mind " but wtf how do you want this person to have proof that they were bully"


    it's like asking to a victim of sexual harassment who's complaining that one person always grab them by the ass and tell them dirty joke with a lot of implicite things if they have proof beside other people testimony of what they are saying, as if the victim was going to tell to this person " please can you continue to grab my ass so i can have the time to take a picture of your hand on my ass as a proof of your sexual harassment"


    Also as someone who know 1 or two people who were bully in their past, being bully doesn't mean being necessarily hit, it can be verbal aggression and in this situation i don't think the victim have the time to try to record this verbal aggression or even think of doing this being surrounded by 3-4 different people.


    So my question is what type of proof victim of bullying should bring to prove their statement ?

    and how in your opinion this victim should be able to get this proof ?


    also we can think about this question in a much larger scale, because a lot of things like bullying such as rape, sexual harassment, moral harassment are something who are hard to prove if you don't have any evidence, but this evidence are hard to get

    so a lot of people complaining about this thing are often reject because of the lack of proof (even if sometimes they tell the truth) but the problem is that victim of this type of thing have a really hard time to find other proof than just witness (even this is sometimes hard to find)

    I think the most conclusive one would be if there was a school committee investigating the situation.


    If there are proof and paper trail of that, then its not deniable.

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    I can only talk about bullying, but, imo, you need to have a 1. cohesive story 2. classmates that witnessed (unless the whole class bullied 1 person), plus school records if people question you. In my experience classmates always know who is a bully and who are their friends etc, if it's something btw two people (as in same level bickering) I wouldn't consider bullying.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from cherryshiii

    Witnesses, if there was cyberbullying then messages perhaps, some kind of proof is better than no proof. That's why I say to always record and screenshot stuff and make sure it's there if you ever accuse someone.

    but not every bullying is taking place online, so what kind of message do you want to have as proof ? which screenshot ?

    a lot of bullying is taking place in real life so it doesn't leave a lot of proof to avoid damaging the bully in the futur


    record thing ? how do you know when they'll trap you in a corner to know at what time you must prepare to record ?

    and how do you try to record when there's 3 people around you

    Quote from SooYoung

    but not every bullying is taking place online, so what kind of message do you want to have as proof ? which screenshot ?

    a lot of bullying is taking place in real life so it doesn't leave a lot of proof to avoid damaging the bully in the futur


    record thing ? how do you know when they'll trap you in a corner to know at what time you must prepare to record ?

    and how do you try to record when there's 3 people around you

    That's why I said "if there was cyberbullying" not "since there's cyberbullying"


    We have phones with cameras. You can bring them wherever you go. You don't even have to record on camera but use an app to record voice. So you can actualy have your phone in your pocket and it can still pick up any voices. For the time you should prepare your phone, I'd say whenever you see the person whos is bullying you. I've done this myself. I know maybe not everyone can get proof, but it can really help in the future.

  • AllKill VIP

    There's not always going to be concrete evidence of bullying. Lack of evidence doesn't meant that bullying did not take place, but I do think we need some standard of proof in order to punish someone for it.


    I also think that sometimes witnesses speak up rather than the actual victim cuz the victim doesn't want things relive those things or have things get even worse for them, especially if they're still in school or are around the bully or their friends

    Quote from cherryshiii

    That's why I said "if there was cyberbullying" not "since there's cyberbullying"


    We have phones with cameras. You can bring them wherever you go. You don't even have to record on camera but use an app to record voice. So you can actualy have your phone in your pocket and it can still pick up any voices. For the time you should, I'd say whenever you see the person whos is bullying you. I've done this myself. I know maybe not everyone can get proof, but it can really help in the future.

    Also witnesses such as friends, teachers, fellow classmates, are also helpful. It brings more credibility to what you're saying.

  • AllKill VIP

    All accusations need proof. I very much sympathize with those who are afraid to report these incidences, but without proof, nothing can come of it and that's the truth. Please everyone, if you have been victimized, especially to the extent that it's affecting you negatively, report it, talk to a a counselor, a teacher etc. You should not have to deal with this alone or in silence.

    I can't speak for others I can only speak from personal experience...


    proof and evidence is hard especially if the bullying is done outside of school hours or is verbal or whatever...


    it also doesn't help if the entire class/school is against you so to speak lol

  • AllKill VIP

    Evidence like that can be hard to find. It might not even exist. Again, this doesn't mean it didn't happen.


    But at the same time, I feel like people are uncomfortable with not knowing what the truth is. For our own sake, it might be better to let go and give the benefit of the doubt instead of leaning one way or the other. Some things, we'll never know for sure. This is not an exception.


    One can only hope that such allegations are false. However, if they're true, all we can really do is hope that the person has changed for the better or is in the process of doing so.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from selfmate

    I can't speak for others I can only speak from personal experience...


    proof and evidence is hard especially if the bullying is done outside of school hours or is verbal or whatever...


    it also doesn't help if the entire class/school is against you so to speak lol

    True. I remember hearing about one of my high school classmates attempting suicide after graduation. It made me think about what I knew of him. Tbh, I didn't pay much attention to him. He was the stereotypical "weird kid" and I had my own issues. Looking back on it, I know he was bullied. I wasn't one of his bullies, but I also wasn't a friend or someone he could go to for help. Nobody really was. I mean, even if you were inclined to take his side, that would just bring the same treatment to you and he wasn't the kind of person that would make you feel like risking it. I remember him always being alone. The rest of us didn't intervene or even notice much, but I now recognize what was happening and the signs of how much it affected him. I couldn't be a witness or offer proof. I don't think there were big obvious incidents to point to anyway, just constant low level derision, mocking, or ostracization. You don't need to beat someone up or give death threats to be a bully and traumatize someone. A thousand cuts is just as effective.

    Quote from MissBehave

    True. I remember hearing about one of my high school classmates attempting suicide after graduation. It made me think about what I knew of him. Tbh, I didn't pay much attention to him. He was the stereotypical "weird kid" and I had my own issues. Looking back on it, I know he was bullied. I wasn't one of his bullies, but I also wasn't a friend or someone he could go to for help. Nobody really was. I mean, even if you were inclined to take his side, that would just bring the same treatment to you and he wasn't the kind of person that would make you feel like risking it. I remember him always being alone. The rest of us didn't intervene or even notice much, but I now recognize what was happening and the signs of how much it affected him. I couldn't be a witness or offer proof. I don't think there were big obvious incidents to point to anyway, just constant low level derision, mocking, or ostracization. You don't need to beat someone up or give death threats to be a bully and traumatize someone. A thousand cuts is just as effective.

    that was one of the things that hurt me the most as a kid when I was bullied the people who I thought were my friends turned on me because (as an adult I understand it now) but as a kid it hurt!!! like if they stuck with me they too would've been bullied as well


    and yeah those levels of bullying really build up and it's always some small (small to us - big to them) thing that's the straw that broke the camel's back that causes the victim to lash out

    video recording. video recording of the incident. screen recording of the screenshots and the origin.


    even then it can be iffy. witnesses can be unreliable sometimes too. audio is iffy.


    it sucks but this is the world we live in. and i'm saying that as a victim myself. i wish i had acted more responsibly and gathered more proof. but hey, bygones or whatever.

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