So, it's my 4th year (the second last sem about to end). and ngl I knew Btech (CSE) wasn't for me the day I entered the college. You might question why did I take up this stream? Why I didn't do proper research before choosing this stream? well, I had decided to die before joining any college. I had made up my mind to kill myself before my 12th board and I tried it too. There were things that happened in the past which changed my idea of how to live life. I lost my friendships, boyfriend, parents' trust, etc. I wanted to end my sufferings but I wasn't successful in taking my life since my friend somehow saved me.
So I pushed myself, completed my 12th board, and got decent marks. To live I had to also choose a decent stream for my Undergrad. And with the crowd, I chose Btech (CSE). I thought maybe I will develop an interest in this stream but naah, Engineering can suck his own dick.
Doing proper research was my responsibility, but I was too naive and dumb to actually focus on myself. But that's that. I am now in 2022. 2021 placement drives were my wake-up call, I had stopped myself to force learn javascript. Every year (2019-2021) I used to wake up and force learn Javascript in the hope of doing FRONT END WEB DEV. Rather than the coding part, I was interested in the visual aspect of making a website.
So, now I have started doing UI/UX design courses, and never in my life, I had felt this passionate interest in a career field. I am studying really hard to understand the basics and become competent enough to get internships.
BUT BUT BUT back to college and teacher's hate boner for us online students. Giving vivas are a pain in my ass. Teachers especially have a hate boner for us students and idk for what? They drag us to heights and a person who suffers from social anxiety and knows nothing about tech word its becoming difficult day by day to not feel stressed. I have my external vivas soon and I have done nothing. I feel so stressed and no one will understand my pain, especially these old conservative teachers.
It's not the first time I was ridiculed for my nervousness. People in past had and especially external viva examiners had questioned my existence and called me a coward for feeling nervous and I cried every time. Now it feels wrong to cry lmao. I understand that a job like teaching and that too in a college requires a lot of patience but they don't know what I go through. It's not just nervousness but increased heart rate, sweating, dizziness with the added weight of not knowing wtf is on my syllabus lol.
Thats it, that was my rant. I just wanted to write my feelings out because I just saw my datasheet for practical vivas and it became a major stressor.