am i allowed to be jealous?

    my younger sister got the life i never had. she can remember her childhood because she never had a crippling illness that got her hospitalized in 4th grade- i did. she has a boyfriend of one and a half years, longer than any relationship i ever had, especially considering the one person i loved in real life is dead.


    i only have a few good things she doesn't- i am nice, i can sing, i'm nationally ranked in chess, and i am graduating college at 19. that's it.



    i know it's pathetic of a 19 year old to be jealous of a 15 year old. and maybe i'm being immature, but it's something that only today has started to loom over me and you may be wondering why. well, it's because she got contacted to audition for a netflix show.


    maybe because i am the failure child in her eyes. it's okay.


    mom only wants to keep me alive for her reputation. it's okay.



    tomorrow is another day.

    Your achivements and qualities sound pretty more impressive than what your mentioned about her, ngl, especially because you had a limitation at such young age and passed through rough situations that were out of your control. At least in my eyes.


    You arent being a bad person because you are jealous If you aren't doing anything to harm your sister, It's a human nature, but you should value what you got more, because no one will do it for you.

    Quote from ViWinters

    i am nice, i can sing, i'm nationally ranked in chess, and i am graduating college at 19

    That's it? That's more than me. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I failed school + can barely keep a job because of my mental health.

    Quote from silver25

    That's it? That's more than me. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I failed school + can barely keep a job because of my mental health.


    this is not a competition. i have days just like that and struggle with bipolar disorder and depression and a lot of other things i omitted from the original post. please be mindful of that.

    Quote from Minazuki

    Your achivements and qualities sound pretty more impressive than what your mentioned about her, ngl, especially because you had a limitation at such young age and passed through rough situations that were out of your control. At least in my eyes.


    You arent being a bad person because you are jealous If you aren't doing anything to harm your sister, It's a human nature, but you should value what you got more, because no one will do it for you.


    this is probably some of the best advice i've received on here. thank you so much. i know i should do more with my life and not feel this way but sometimes i need to just stop and think and sometimes it's to my detriment. tysm again and ily.

  • AllKill VIP

    I used to be really jealous of my younger sister. Like you, I had a crippling illness when younger that prevented me from having a normal "life" for the better part of 5 years. But I consider myself now and forevermore one of the lucky ones. I beat the odds to recover and honestly, I feel I am better for it. There are life experiences I had as a result that I doubt I would have had otherwise.


    Being "crippled" for those years allowed me to better understand the plight of those under that ADA that have special needs. Being "other-abled" caused me to focus on academics and I, like you, graduated early* It allowed me an additional perspective that many lack throughout and to have an empathy that I think is one of my strengths. You are younger than me and it took me awhile to see things as I do now. My sister and I are now closer than close can be though. I offer her counsel a lot because she cannot see through certain situations.


    More importantly though, I realize that those experiences, as difficult as they were, shaped me as a person and I honestly would not change a thing now if I could go back. I am happy with "me", lucky to be alive. I took the best I could from it and moved on. You might not see it now, but I think you will too. Let go of the bitterness** Embrace the fact that you are still alive, here and still have so much to offer to life, and life to you. Good things will come if you let them. Seek happiness.


    * But damn, not that early! Congrats! My academic prowess allowed me a lot of financial and career opportunities that allowed me to financially secure very early in life. It's a good feeling!

    ** I used to have a burn book, ISTG. I laugh at it now.

    Quote from ViWinters

    this is not a competition. i have days just like that and struggle with bipolar disorder and depression and a lot of other things i omitted from the original post. please be mindful of that.

    well its normal to be jealous. everyone feels like they are not enough, and there's always someone superior to you


    i'm so glad you came here and spent the time to comment your story. it means so much to me and gives me hope :borahae:

    I was always jealous of my older sister who seemed to have more than me - a husband, kids, a nice home, good job, plenty of money but that all changed when her marriage broke up and then she was a single mum with a couple of boys, struggling with money etc. My fortunes then changed, I met my partner, we got together, had our daughter then it was her turn to be jealous (I had the little girl she always wanted). I was financially secure, nice home. She would never admit to it but I knew deep down she was jealous of this sister she always thought of as a loser. Now she is with another husband with heaps of money and happy again but I don't care. I've done alright for myself and ain't jealous of anyone. I'm happy with my lot.

    If you want..and if you decide to hold onto that emotion, it will eventually make you sick. Why not (eventually) be glad that she didn't have to experience what you've experienced? Why even compare yourself?


    Things happen for people at different speeds. The challenge to overcome is being grateful where you are in your journey rather than envious of someone else's path. You are smart, talented, and strong. You are ahead of the game. @@@dfb2e9dd-d1ce-4ae7-a598-0d8a88e8446f@@@ every little "win" rather than focusing on the "L's". That's not only for you, but the people in your life too.

    Quote from MY-Kwangya

    I was always jealous of my older sister who seemed to have more than me - a husband, kids, a nice home, good job, plenty of money but that all changed when her marriage broke up and then she was a single mum with a couple of boys, struggling with money etc. My fortunes then changed, I met my partner, we got together, had our daughter then it was her turn to be jealous (I had the little girl she always wanted). I was financially secure, nice home. She would never admit to it but I knew deep down she was jealous of this sister she always thought of as a loser. Now she is with another husband with heaps of money and happy again but I don't care. I've done alright for myself and ain't jealous of anyone. I'm happy with my lot.


    she thinks i'm a "fucking loser" so maybe my luck will turn around. glad you made it out though

    my friend it's natural to be jealous sometimes we're only human...

    but you have a lot of things going on for you as well..


    if one took the time to focus on all the good thing in your life you'd realise that maybe things don't look that bad after all

  • AllKill VIP

    Firstly, I won't say your accomplishments are better than hers or vice versa because comparison isn't the point.


    The point is we all have our own stories. This is yours, and you've been through a lot. For you to experience all the hardships you did and still remain strong is an accomplishment on its own. Not to mention, you graduated early. Not everyone finds the strength to keep pursuing that.


    Your sister getting a call to audition for a Netflix series is great, but often luck and timing play a critical role. This isn't to undermine her skills or potential. It just means opportunities come around for all of us at different times. They just have arrived for you yet, and that's okay. Keep it moving and continue doing what you love, what you think is right. By the time that day comes, you'll be more than ready to take on the moment.


    I think you're doing quite well, and you have so much time ahead of you.

    As someone that was jealous of the older brother for a long time, I think is something normal to compare ourselfs to others, even more if we share the same role (in your case, daughters of the same family)


    After some novel-like moments with me and my brother crying, I realized that the life of others just sound easier because we aren't living it. The less liked child suffers a lot (I think I'm one of them too), but the perfect child suffers too, they have a lot of expectations on their back and pressure to keep their image.

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    her achievements sound great and you're great too, rather than thinking about what seems like a few things that you have in comparison, I think it's best to think of your own special path. You've gone through so much having an illness and losing a loved one, worked so hard in college to be graduating this young. none of you is better or worse than the other, but it's also not pathetic that you envy her, it's understandable. I have 3 younger sisters and I've always felt a sense of envy they got the chance to do things I couldn't because I'm the oldest but then I came to realize, they envy me because I seem well put together and organized when that's not the case. That could apply for your sister too, if it doesn't and she thinks negatively of you or something, so be it. you're defined by your own strength :borahae:

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