kddicted Super Rookie

  • Member since Dec 1st 2016
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  • People say the bullying depicted in penthouse and other dramas is over the top, that celebrities getting caught for bullying these days is all just small problems, they just don't get it. It's been 5 years for me and I'm still living with those memories too, I've carried them with each morning I woke up. I still see anger in my eyes when I face my reflection, I haven't forgiven them or myself yet. While they're living their lives just fine, I can't trust people anymore. There's a wall between me and the rest of the world. It disgusts me that people view them positively while the aftermath for me has meant taking care of myself the way you would a child, comforting comments and holding my own hand because I really believed no one else would. That's how ugly and unloved they made me feel. Their belittling laughter and mocking, the pushing and comments, those judgemental eyes I will never forget for the rest of my life and will forever change my perspective on how to treat people. I wish I could say it's all dramatic too but it's not, it hurts because it's forcing me to confront this. That day they pushed me in front of that car, maybe I wouldn't have been here if I hadn't been lucky. Maybe I too would've been another of those countless pitiful and forgotten victims on the news where the bullying got too far. If that had happened, do you know what would've happened to my family? Their hearts would have permanent cracks. Some people they know themselves would've been secretly gleeful at my funeral, and it would've broken their hearts more. Do you know that these dirty actions you commit without thinking twice can wreck the lives of many? Do you know that you're not the only one who is a precious daughter or son, brother or sister to someone? It's true that people shouldn't be able to sin and get away without paying the price.

  • Sometimes I want to control time and have it in my hands.
    I want to send it over to you so that you can become me.
    I want to be absorbed in the song of Spring, from your young days.
    I, too, want to touch your cheeks of youth.
    Though you’ve halved your life and dedicated the first half to me,
    And also dedicated the rest of your life for me again,
    All that my insignificant self can give you is the health that you’ve wished for all your life.
    After receiving endlessly from you, I want to hand you something back in return.
    But is it so hard to accept everything from me, stack them in a pile and take a rest?
    Is that why you’re rejecting all of it?
    I don’t want you to still be tired from work, because it will only make you sick.
    Because of my sin, blacker than the old stains on your clothes,
    It has snowed on your hair.
    It makes my heart feel painfully cold, suffocating me.
    When another day of separation passes again today and I start dreaming,
    I’ll go look for you. I’ll follow you.
    I’ll live my life in your footsteps.
    There’s not much time left in the sandglass between the two of us.
    May we rest in the desert of happiness for a long time.

  • I know I don't belong here anymore which makes me kinda sad tbh but it's still nice to come on sometimes so I will ~ Just strange to see that a place that was my literal safe place during high school and meant everything to me when I had such a hard time become a place that is just not that anymore, but of course, I was 15 then I'm 20 now, I'm such a different person now. I just hate that I never belong anywhere.

    Sad 1
    • Hey, don’t say that. You definitely belong here. I suppose we’re both outcasts of AKP, so we still belong in an unorthodox way, as outcasts still have a place in a community. Prior to becoming mod, I never befriended anyone on AKP, so no one knew me before. Now I just fulfill my role as a moderator, which I absolutely love, and occasionally interact with others, but I don’t feel particularly close to as many people as I’d like.


      Hang in there.

      Love 1
    • You don't seem like an outcast at all ~ I suppose that's true in a way too

      Nvm me, I'm just being like this because I came back here knowing the few people and things I knew well are gone and I'm not exactly coping well with things irl, so I don't know where to turn to anymore. Hence, I'm just writing whatever I want to express here

      Thank you :borahae:

      Love 1
    • I'm holding onto hope that they'll return. I know that quite a number of people decided not to stick around for the revamp, but people often feel nostalgic. When they feel nostalgic, they return to their roots. I think I finally figured out the third person from the MH thread who impacted me positively. I think it was ItsMilly43, although I'm not 100% certain. Could you confirm for me?


      As for IRL trials and tribulations, those, too, will pass, but you already know this. Uncertainty about the future is always difficult to endure, but I try to embrace it however I can.

      Love 1
    • Me too, I hope they will at least come around for a bit one day. Yes it was Milly, she was the one who was in that thread to the end I believe <3 I'm curious, did you post often on there? I hope you know how glad I'll always be that it got you through your hard times.


      Of course, I'm sure all these moments will pass and become memories to look back on one day. All we can do is look ahead in the meantime as best as we can ~

    • Hey, I just saw this now. I only posted sporadically there, so I don't expect anyone to remember me. I only remember you three due to how frequently you all posted.


      I agree. Things are different now. Even if it's hard, it's great to embrace changes and look ahead.

      Like 1
  • thanks for the follow but why me though?

    LOL 1
    • No particular reason, just remember you from the guild thread and you seem nice c:

    • why thank you and I ask this of everyone so tell me something about yourself?

      Like 1
    • My favourite colour is purple :borahae: haha

    • I can't really make much use of that lol


      tell me something that I can have a conversation with on about...

      LOL 1
    • Umm let's see, who do you stan in Kpop? Do you watch Kdramas?

  • With the mental health thread being gone and Kodoku, I just miss those times and memories so much

    That thread was literally like a home to me, all those pages .. such a waste

    Why'd I get so attached to a thread on a literal kpop forum :clown:

    Love 1
  • OMG BINA SDKJFHBSDFK;JLBEWSG;JLWB

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    • Hi Ripia :') Omg what even is this forum, it feels so different

      Love 1
    • Omg you just came on the worst day of my life! Someone accused me of some horrible things you can see in my pinned thread.

      Sorry you have to come back to this..

      Like 1
    • There's a lot of differences xD

      There is 3 main sections, k-lounge (for random and fun kpop threads) kmusic for comebacks and performances, and K-news, which is for sales achievements and entertainment related news.

      We have a forum currency called 'akorns' you get 1 per post and 2 per thread, you need 250 to buy your first badge, for the first 4 its 250 and for each after that its 500,

      the akorn store is here
      https://forum.allkpop.com/suite/jcoins-shop/

      we also have a TTS signed album in the akorn store .. but itc ost 12k akorns which I dont have :(

      Talk to me if you want to know more, we have guilds also im the co leader of the twice guild!!

      Like 1
    • Haven't seen it yet x.x I'll go look

    • but lets not ne negative! which groups do you like these days

      Like 1