I'm literally crying right now and need someone to talk to!

    To preface this, I'm a very introverted person in real life and have always struggled with group projects and discussions at school. I know my weaknesses, but it's still so hard to overcome them and contribute like everyone else. So tonight I received an email from this guy in my group and burst into tears:


    I truly am sorry and don't want to make it harder for my group members, but I feel like I can't mentally make myself like everyone else. I feel like group projects weren't made for me. Anyway, this is how I replied to him:

    I don't like bringing my problems onto the internet, but I need to vent. I don't know how to overcome my shortcomings and it just upsets me.

    Aside from discussion what are other part of the work?


    From my experience its important to divide the work in a way everyone can work on whats their strength


    For example if writing is your strength, offer to help more in that part if you cant contribute to discussion


    If research your strength, then focus on that part


    Communicate that without feeling of shame and dont let them guilt you

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    have you done group projects in the past?

    focus on what things or areas worked instead of the areas that didn't...


    in terms of moving on... let your team lnow exactly what are your strengths and weaknesses...that way when assigning parts you can focus on the parts that you know better


    i would also let them know about your own situation since right now i get a feeling that they think you're a slacker who hasn't contributed...

    disappointing how threads like this begging for help will get no clicks and barely any replies, but an obvious bait thread will get pages and pages of comments defending their precious faves. says a lot about the people on this forum...





    That's why I replied to him and posted my reply in the spoiler. It's so hard man :-(

    thank you :sadface:

    Quote from blackjackdirecti

    That's why I replied to him and posted my reply in the spoiler. It's so hard man :-(

    i read your reply...


    so what is it about being in a group that makes it harder for you personally?

    is it the need to communicate with your team members?

    you mentioned understanding the material...could you not do that outside of group activities?

    in regards to the actual project itself... it seems to be accounting from some of the words mentioned...what is the actual project itself? for my information

    I can totally relate to this as I was the same in High School. That email sounds like something my teacher would write (only we didn't have emails in the 80's of course). I had this teacher for three years and all he banged on about was how quiet and shy I was in class and didn't participate in class discussion. I was just too scared to open my mouth although I had no trouble in getting up in front of the class to do a five minute speech. He even insulted me in front of my mother once at a parent/teacher interview. I loathed class discussions and projects and he would always single me out and ask for my opinion or answer. Some people are just really ignorant I'm afraid and I feel sad for them. My advice is to ignore the criticism if you can and try to contribute in another way ie, non verbally. I understand it is a hard thing to overcome and even today I am awkward in groups. I'm a one on one person.

    Okay, so it's hard being in groups because I'm not the type of person who can just talk out loud and contribute to conversations, and I lose confidence feeling like the others are going too fast for me, because it takes time for me to absorb information while they seem to know everything. I often need some time to gather my thoughts and get nervous about sounding stupid. And I never feel like I have a place to fit in unless the group is organized a certain way where I can just be comfortable and given the opportunity to do my fair share. Introversion and social anxiety is a hell of a combo. It is actually 2 projects, but yes it's accounting. It's hard to explain the projects, but one is basically a memo about revenue recognition issues, and the other is a presentation about auditing accounts receivable.

  • AllKill VIP

    mate, I don't really know the whole history behind it.

    But I can say this.

    From what I read so far, him CC'ing profs into emails is a bad move.


    Nothing wrong with being introverted, I am one myself.

    You just need to assert yourself when it matters, which you did with the reply.

    To be honest? I think you have some beef with that guy.

    Talk with the rest of the group, aside him and ask them what they think of you and how you can help more.

    Or if you even need to help more.

  • AllKill VIP

    I"m 38 and i'm an introvert with anxiety issues. I HATED group projects in any school because we had to present and talk and i NEVER do good when the spotlight is on me and i have to talk in front of a bunch of people. It sets me into over drive, even now at my age I do not like talking out loud. I prefer to type, text. I feel like through a computer i can be something i'm not in person. So having to talk, type, discuss something as long as it's text and i can't see the person i feel much more relaxed


    i also have adhd, and it takes a bit for me to process things. Like by no means am i stupid but sometimes I feel slow, i feel dumb, I feel like i just don't get shit while everyone else is miles ahead. There's also times my brain is racing at full speed and i feel like i can't keep up with it. If it was me, I would try to help out in areas where it's not demanded of me to move that fast, i mean of course there's deadlines, but I like to go at my own pace, take my time and not feel rushed. If people want a meeting as long as i don't have to talk, it's easier for me to type my thoughts out.


    though i know that i sometimes can't express myself the way i want to via text and it's easier to voice, but that's in extreme cases. I can't really say the guy is being a dick, but it sounds like he doesn't understand your struggles. If you didn't explain it clearly before, I hope he gets it now. Your response, was pretty mature, you took accountability and you took ownership but you also explained things. I think at this point, if he can find a middle ground and work with you to help not only the team but you be more comfortable that would be a good solution. I hope your instructor reads the replies and sees that you are at least trying and willing to try.


    You also cannot help technology, maybe for meetings someone can take the opportunity to take notes and jot down things and than email it to everyone at the end, so that if you're missing text you at least get the jist of what was being said and won't feel like you missed something important. I'ts been quite a long time since I was in school and what may help/work for me may not help/work for someone else. But I hope that something i said may be of assistance.

    Quote from blackjackdirecti

    Okay, so it's hard being in groups because I'm not the type of person who can just talk out loud and contribute to conversations, and I lose confidence feeling like the others are going too fast for me, because it takes time for me to absorb information while they seem to know everything. I often need some time to gather my thoughts and get nervous about sounding stupid. And I never feel like I have a place to fit in unless the group is organized a certain way where I can just be comfortable and given the opportunity to do my fair share. Introversion and social anxiety is a hell of a combo. It is actually 2 projects, but yes it's accounting. It's hard to explain the projects, but one is basically a memo about revenue recognition issues, and the other is a presentation about auditing accounts receivable.

    I can't really speak about the situation since I don't have the same struggles as you do but i can certainly sympathize with your situation...

    I think it's best if you can explain that you feel that way to the rest of your team members especially if they also think that you're not pulling your weight or something since perception is key and communication even via email/texts etc is important to let your team know what is it you are going through and how to move forward in the future...since prior to you explaining your issues they might not understand you and now hopefully they do...

    in regards to the actual project it seems there is a presentation so you are going to have to deal with that if you haven't already done so previously at uni or high school...I guess even non-introverts can have difficulty speaking in public so practice/practice/practice i guess...


    in regards to the information - I'll leave with you a quote from sun tzu's art of war - know thyself, know they enemy in a thousand battles, a thousand victories...the enemy here isn't the guy but rather the knowledge and information...take your time to know the information at your own pace in your own time - then when you get together with the group even if you can't formulate your voice you at least can contribute non-verbally like writing? i hope that makes sense?

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