I need help talking to girls.

*DONT JUDGE ME OR CALL ME A PICK ME GIRL, I AM AWARE*

I never had this problem when I was younger, as a matter of fact I used to have multiple best friends. But after I got into college I realized that I now have to put in the work and effort to become somebodies friend rather than having the convivence of being in the same 8 hour class 5 days a week. Everyone in college just attends an hour lecture and then goes back home.

I am really struggling with this because deep in the inside I am a girls girl and crave a deep and meaningful friendship with a girl. I'm afraid that college will be my last chance of finding a girl best friend because when I start working I feel like it will become even worse.

The other thing is I have this problem only specifically with girls only. I have an easy time becoming friends or best friends with guys because guys are driven with an alternative motive like secretly wanting to date you so they go out of their way to build the friendship but its the opposite with girls. I feel like I have to impress them and make them want me instead.

The few times where I went out for lunch with a female acquaintance I always feel so nervous and scared of what they are thinking about me. I never enjoy myself and normally when I get back home I start ghosting them because I feel so overwhelmed. I just wish I can skip past the awkward stage and just become best friends with somebody but I know thats not the case. And it doesnt help that I am also an introvert. This semester my main focus will be to find a best friend.

Can any of you guys give me tips on how to make a girl bestfriend as an adult and what qualities other girls are looking for in a friendship? and what qualities turn people away from a friendship

I also want to add that most of my best friends that are girls right now are people that I grew up with or my cousins so I feel like there is a limit to how much I can be myself around them. I want somebody who I can share my life with.

Quote from ellenote

Reading what you said especially about feeling nervous or like your judged when your around girls resonated with me because I'm very introverted and struggle to make female friends as well, I'm not in college yet but I'm almost in my 12th grade year of H.S and I had a lot of opportunities this year to make friends as well but any time I had to commit to hanging out with them or just texting I just struggled because I don't know how to have friends or keep people's company.

How to make friends, honestly you have to put yourself out there, any opportunity, if someone next to you asks for a pencil or just says hello, keep that going, say hello everyday, smile at them, talk about random boring things, how's the weather today, etc etc. and soon you'll form a relationship. One of my goals this year was to at least talk to someone in my class and find ONE friend. While in class, a girl that sat next to me said she liked my art, and I said thank you, and everyday I would just talk to her randomly, just normal stuff, how's your classes going? do you like math? can I see what your drawing? just boring stuff honestly, and eventually we became friends. It may seem really. really hard. especially as women we always want a friend, but if you shy away from every encounter because your overwhelmed then people are just going to turn away from you because they might assume your just not open to friendship. I learned that the hard way by also ghosting that girl I talked about, I realized that the reason I had no friends was because I just didn't talk to anyone, always looked miserable while in class, and never allowed myself to open up to people.

I feel you especially when you said the struggle is committing to the friendship. Whenever people I don’t know ask me to hang out or the text me excessively I try my best to respond but after a few weeks I ghost them or block them. It’s so embarrassing.

I am happy you found a best friend this year and that initial stage you talked about like the boring talks about the weather and stuff is what really throws me off and makes me uncomfortable bc it’s so awkward. I don’t have enough energy to be talking to people enough to become their best friend I just want a best friend. But honestly I’m going to have to get out of my comfort zone I am going to try to push myself more next semester and find a friend that I can keep.

Quote from Ves

Nothing is ever going to change unless you get past this first step. Sounds like they want to be friends with you but you are scared to be friends with them. Nevermind what girls look for in friendship - this should cover what any gender wants in a friendship - someone who will talk to them when they are trying to be a friend.

Maybe an introvert can guide you better, but as an extrovert, I'd say just take a deep breath, say "1, 2, 3 over it" and then make yourself answer. Odds are you'll be glad you did

Okay thanks for the advice!!!. Since you’re an extrovert can u give me tips on how you get past the awkward stage with a new friend where you guys are just surface level. This is the part where I normally end up leaving the friendship bc the awkwardness makes me not want to hangout with them anymore.