Do you think a good marriages are real or people are just there for status?

    First, I would like to say that sure, at first the love is genuine but after yeats of living together it seems like partners do not see us clearly, if they have fixated the "party pooper, always complaining bitchey wife" you bet your ass they are never recoverinf from their missconception.


    Man also have the infantile habit of never taking respobsabilities for their fuck ups... Their excuse is always pointing fingers at you "ohhh, I did x stuff because you did y" but y happened almost a year ago, no cheating, just friendly chat with an ex that I am 100% sure that would never give me what I need so therefore I have no interest. I did worry about the person because we have been friends forever, but since he got hands on my cellphone without my permition and just saw us exchaning messas with pics (no body parts showing, but I would still consider or poor tasting) but my partner gave me hell from months, true psycological torture...

    New years eve I decided I would drop some acid after 4 years of no use, mostly to test my own personal grownth and instantly regreted it... My partner who was also under influence enteres a long ass paranoia that I was flirting with the husband of one and only truly friend I have (she's a sister to me). He called me me so many nasty stuff, accused me or trying to show my panties to my friends husband...

    I am lucky our friendship is at 10 years now and she did not doubt me any time. I barely have any irl friends from old times because they were all fake scumbaga and he could have destroyed one the friendships I cherise the most in the whole world. For the record, an wx bf of hers did it on me but I didn't pay it any attention because my friend is worth everything from me.

    After he went on his paranoia acussing me of not only betraying one of my soul sisters (he ruined the whole new years eve for me ;() he also almost got beaten if not for me and my friends because he was high as kite on acid and invades the ladies bathroom, I spent that awfull day only crying, ralking to the owner of the ranch so they would not do anything bad to him only for you to come back hours later and say I wasn't even worried for him.


    But this rant is because I have worked as a fucking dog the whole month, making 12h shifts for two days straigh to discover he had gone to te beach alone (up until that okaay but he did not inform me of this). If I had the same behaviour as him he would slutshame and tell I was giving it up to other guys.

    I always inform him where are I am going, etc... we are not single.


    I honestly feels like he doesn't respect me and sees me like a whore, in his mind he suspects I am acting dirty and this gives him rights to do even worse stuff than his imagination. He didn't even respect my friend in her house, saying shit about her husband as if she was dumb enough to not understand. My friend is a saint but he was able to make her ban him from her house. She said his lucky was that she loves me so much, has so much trust in me or else our friendship would be ruined ;(

    I love him, he has amazing qualities but I can't take thr double standarts anymore. He excused his alone time at beach while working with "you do that as well" it's a lie, I always inform him where I am going or else he'll see by his mysoginistic lenses and say I was going out with other dudes. Tried to compare drinking at home with one female friend, which I always informed him, with going alone to the beach and drinking booze alone. I trully feel like he doesn't respect me. Nothing I trully need and ask him for help he does,he only does house chores to appear a good husband because he is unemployed but I feel like he gets bitter while doing stuff that is for BOTH, our house, just to turn into "i did it for you" when in reality he did what he wanted and the plus is: i would ejoy from it too. But it's something I really need for myself only, like he foing to Brazilian local post get my stuff he never can... doesn't have shit programed to the day but still refuses to help me like I need (I was at work, unable to go there pick my stuff up)


    I honestly don't know how much longer I will take, I love him but it appears all man are the same mysoginistics piece of shit... some just stik less than others. He's not even the most uselles piece of meat I have a relantioship with, but we live together he was wonderful and did stuff for me that nobody else ever did.


    Just needed to get this out of my chest and any insights would be apreciatted.

    I am a man and happily married...


    once you have dated for a while it's time to go for the jugular and ask the important questions...

    like what makes your partner tick...what are their thoughts on life...children...finances...household responsibilities etc etc - truly understand them for what and who they are and he or she should ask you the same questions as well


    basically pre-marital counselling...if one can discuss such things openly and respectfully and find that both of you are compatible (or not)


    communication is key to a relationship being able to talk through things when it's easy and or when it's difficult

    My parents were married for fifty years and sadly my mother passed away three days before their fiftieth wedding anniversary and that was 2010. They were till death do us part. Sadly, today marriages aren't as enduring imo.

    We can barely talk about our issues because one will start screaming and the other too, rarely something construtive comes from these talks.

    we have one key point we disagree, I don't want children but he does... after all my explanations of why I don't want a kid I feel like he's thinking more carefully about this

    Quote from MY-Kwangya

    My parents were married for fifty years and sadly my mother passed away three days before their fiftieth wedding anniversary and that was 2010. They were till death do us part. Sadly, today marriages aren't as enduring imo.

    I agree, most people nowadays only feel plastic love but in the older times a lot of women were forced into not giving up marriage or else they would tarnish the family's name or the husband would say stuff like "if you leave me, I kill you" Women also have more money nowadays so they don't HAVE to take as much shit, they can just be free and happy imo

    Quote from queenyeji

    We can barely talk about our issues because one will start screaming and the other too, rarely something construtive comes from these talks.

    we have one key point we disagree, I don't want children but he does... after all my explanations of why I don't want a kid I feel like he's thinking more carefully about this

    well then with all due respect my friend it would see that you two aren't compatible...obviously I'm only going by what little you've told me here but if you can't even talk like rational people about such things...because marriage is hard and takes hard work to make it work...ever hear the saying "working on my marriage" or "working on our relationship"


    if communication is a problem now then it's only going to get worse moving forward...if you still want to continue with your partner then maybe try to seek to understand why communication is a problem? sort out the underlying issues that make communication so difficult


    hmm...this is going to be an issue since (and again with all due respect my friend) if someone wants children and the other doesn't - it usually is going to be an issue moving forward especially if the one who wanted children later becomes regretful of that decision and blame the other person for it

    Quote from selfmate

    well then with all due respect my friend it would see that you two aren't compatible...obviously I'm only going by what little you've told me here but if you can't even talk like rational people about such things...because marriage is hard and takes hard work to make it work...ever hear the saying "working on my marriage" or "working on our relationship"


    if communication is a problem now then it's only going to get worse moving forward...if you still want to continue with your partner then maybe try to seek to understand why communication is a problem? sort out the underlying issues that make communication so difficult


    hmm...this is going to be an issue since (and again with all due respect my friend) if someone wants children and the other doesn't - it usually is going to be an issue moving forward especially if the one who wanted children later becomes regretful of that decision and blame the other person for it

    Yeah, the non compatible stuff has been ramming my mind but so far he's the most compatible I have found until my soon to be 26 years old of living...

    my issue rn is how much more he and I can endure... I can already feel all my loving efforst going to the trash can.

    After new year eve I trully understood he doesn't respect me

    Quote from queenyeji

    Yeah, the non compatible stuff has been ramming my mind but so far he's the most compatible I have found until my soon to be 26 years old of living...

    my issue rn is how much more he and I can endure... I can already feel all my loving efforst going to the trash can.

    After new year eve I trully understood he doesn't respect me

    You're still young so I think you should keep looking for someone who does respect you. A lot of people I see rush into things far too fast despite the warning signs and end up regretting. You shouldn't settle for someone just because they're there, you know?

    Quote from queenyeji

    Yeah, the non compatible stuff has been ramming my mind but so far he's the most compatible I have found until my soon to be 26 years old of living...

    my issue rn is how much more he and I can endure... I can already feel all my loving efforst going to the trash can.

    After new year eve I trully understood he doesn't respect me

    then again it might be better to cut your losses now rather than down the line...I know how hard you've worked on yourself to get clean and everything my friend...


    just because someone is the most compatible doesn't mean he's the one...well I met my wife when I was in my 30s so...there's plenty more fish in the sea...


    well if you are already starting to talk about "endure" then the relationship doesn't seem healthy...relationships should be about happiness and enjoying each other's company not endurance lol


    I wish the best for you my friend but it's sad to hear what you are going through

    Quote from blingyblinger

    You're still young so I think you should keep looking for someone who does respect you. A lot of people I see rush into things far too fast despite the warning signs and end up regretting. You shouldn't settle for someone just because they're there, you know?

    The relantionship indeed develop in such a rush, we habe bee together for 2 years but it's getting thougher and thougher. I am not saint but this endless paranoia of me not even being able to interact with male friends while he goes to sun bath meanwhile I was working like a dog for 12h straigh (just today, yesterday I had same scheule too), is too much. The double standarts are killing me.

    He helped thru one of most hellish times of my life but everyday, little by little he shatters all the good thoughts I had while getting to know him.

    Sometimes we fight so much I don't even feel like getting laid, I say him no but in the wee hours he will try again as if I had not made it clear that I didn't want it that day (after days of endless fighting). The saddest thing he sees this as affirmation that I am getting d* elsewhere :S

    Thank you, bestmate. :iloveyoub:

    Quote from queenyeji

    The relantionship indeed develop in such a rush, we habe bee together for 2 years but it's getting thougher and thougher. I am not saint but this endless paranoia of me not even being able to interact with male friends while he goes to sun bath meanwhile I was working like a dog for 12h straigh (just today, yesterday I had same scheule too), is too much. The double standarts are killing me.

    He helped thru one of most hellish times of my life but everyday, little by little he shatters all the good thoughts I had while getting to know him.

    Sometimes we fight so much I don't even feel like getting laid, I say him no but in the wee hours he will try again as if I had not made it clear that I didn't want it that day (after days of endless fighting). The saddest thing he sees this as affirmation that I am getting d* elsewhere :S

    Yeah you really need to run. A guy not trusting you enough to let you have male friends is a massive red flag among al the smaller ones. Relationships are built on trust

    he sounds like an asshole Ngl


    At some point, you have to wonder if this person is improving your life in any way. Seems like he's just dragging you down and giving you unnecessary stress X/


    What are you getting from him being in your life that you would miss if you left him?


    He sounds like an annoying, insecure man child :suure:


    Also him trying to pressure you into having children when you don't want them is pretty icky :pepestare:

    Quote from thegoddess31

    yes, but I´m pretty sure those picture perfect marriages are fake, while the actual good ones are people who bring out the best in each other and work together

    100 percent. I think those "perfect marriages" and the media portrayal of marriage often create unrealistic expectations.


    The best marriage I have seen was my grandparents where they both of them really understood and respected each other, they weren't crazy in love or like gushy, but they had a slow and steady marriage. Like they both reciprocated and cared for each other, buying presents, making food for each other, etc till the end.

    a good marriage is real, but it's not what we see on social media, etc.


    I think a good marriage is one where you understand each other, and keep working together as a team. Therefore its not like a whirlwind or sizzling romance but more fo an enduring flame.


    I have seen some good marriages like my grandparents

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