Idols shouldn’t date their fans!

    it's at times like these in these threads i hate being a psych major



    No idol goes into a fan relationship thinking "Wow it's going to be so easy to manipulate them" unless they've had underlying problems for awhile. The idol does it subconsciously and that's why Lucas was able to get money etc. out of those girls repeatedly, because they probably genuinely had feelings for him (no matter what agreement they reached), when in reality it was just a parasocial relationship. I completely understand why he didn't want to go for other idols because if he was just looking for material things (i.e. money), his partner would probably lose respect for him.

    Quote from amalyas

    Dating an idol legit sounds like hell. Can't go on dates in public places, your bf or gf alway have to pretend to be single, saesengs following you everywhere, they're literally working everyday, without week-ends or holidays... no thanks.

    were i live nobody would recognize my fave. no saesengs or pretending etc.

    i would prefer working 10 years and and have a nice pension over like its now working 50 years with also not much free time but even less earnings.

    but most important i would not go against my faves wishes.^^

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from nahadoth

    Not just idols but I think celebrities in general shouldn't date their fans. It creates a weird power imbalance.

    Some celebrities got married to a fan. :eyes:

    While there is a power imbalance, it must not necessarily be a problem if the one with power isn’t abusing their power but treats their partner as an equal component to them.


    But the thought of power abuse will always linger around people’s head which makes it feel weird.

    Like, I think if you’re picking up fans at fan meets, it’s starting off a relationship with at *best* a really complex power dynamic, and more likely is pretty creepy. if it’s just sex/a one night stand, the same applies, but it’s more likely (if both parties are adults), that they know what’s up.


    There can be rare occasions where, for whatever reason, you might be/have been a fan yet come across someone socially or through business and establish a different type of relationship outside of the fan/idol dynamic and then mutually realise you both want more, and that’s less weird. But I’m not sure that can ever really work out if the fan was a proper hardcore fan.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from VioletPunisherr

    it's at times like these in these threads i hate being a psych major



    No idol goes into a fan relationship thinking "Wow it's going to be so easy to manipulate them" unless they've had underlying problems for awhile. The idol does it subconsciously and that's why Lucas was able to get money etc. out of those girls repeatedly, because they probably genuinely had feelings for him (no matter what agreement they reached), when in reality it was just a parasocial relationship. I completely understand why he didn't want to go for other idols because if he was just looking for material things (i.e. money), his partner would probably lose respect for him.

    We don’t know if he didn’t go for other Idols or if he had any relationship with other Idols, we just know he had an undefined materialistic relationship with those fans who exposed him.


    But I’m sure he wouldn’t have been looking for materialistic gain if he had a serious interest in the person, fan or idol.


    Also i read that Idols would prefer dating a non-celebrity cause these relationships won’t be exposed by tabloids.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from penepol

    Like, I think if you’re picking up fans at fan meets, it’s starting off a relationship with at *best* a really complex power dynamic, and more likely is pretty creepy. if it’s just sex/a one night stand, the same applies, but it’s more likely (if both parties are adults), that they know what’s up.


    There can be rare occasions where, for whatever reason, you might be/have been a fan yet come across someone socially or through business and establish a different type of relationship outside of the fan/idol dynamic and then mutually realise you both want more, and that’s less weird. But I’m not sure that can ever really work out if the fan was a proper hardcore fan.

    If the fan is a hardcore fan it’s stupid to start anything. Even if you ain’t looking for a ONS… I mean the fan at this point doesn’t even see you as person anymore, but what they imagined you to be.


    PS.. but yeah think it’s less weird if they didn’t met at a fan meeting or concert. But somewhere outside of the Fan/Idol dynamic.

    I agree, it seems a bit weird and inappropriate too imo especially if the fan is of young age. I don't feel it projects a very positive image for the idol either. I think they would be better dating a fellow idol that at least would know what that sort of life is like, but I guess it's the idol's prerogative and not for fans to judge.

    interesting does that mean the existence of any and all power imbalances like idols-fans rules out any form of relationship whether temporary like a hookup or permanent like bf-gf?

    Quote from selfmate

    interesting does that mean the existence of any and all power imbalances like idols-fans rules out any form of relationship whether temporary like a hookup or permanent like bf-gf?

    I don't think it rules out anything, but you definitely needs to be super careful with it. It's like any relationship with power imbalance, like a boss/employee relationship, a old rich man/young woman relationship.


    I think a hook-up is slightly different as it cannot really turn into an abusive relationship. The idol needs to be sure that it's ALL that the fan wants though, and that they won't be blabbing their mouth around about it.


    Honestly if I was an idol I probably wouldn't take the risk. Idols are young and attractive, they don't exactly need help to find a sexual partner :wellr:

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from SMsKKSilence

    No, it really doesn't sound like you were. But don't worry. I am going to make a thread about this later when I get from work because several things need to be addressed here that I just don't have the time to right this second.

    I literally said that an Idol has an advantage over their fan, and this advantage is that a fan is already idolizing them… so yeah, it makes it harder for a fan to see through an Idol who has bad intentions.


    Not blaming fans for liking their Idol.

    Quote from SandyBee3

    I literally said that an Idol has an advantage over their fan, and this advantage is that a fan is already idolizing them… so yeah, it makes it harder for a fan to see through an Idol who has bad intentions.


    Not blaming fans for liking their Idol.


    "So these male Idols should be more careful in who they engage with and how they engage with people, cause they are the public person, it’s their image. I can understand it’s easier to date or hookup with someone who already has a crush on you, it’s less work, but you ain’t a regular dude tho. All this playing games ain’t worth a potential ruined career if you messed with the wrong people, it’s not worth doing so for anyone… playing games will bite you in your own butt one day.


    They should better stay away from fans for the sake of their fans and also their own good."


    So you mean to tell me I just imagine these words, or the shift in focus onto the idol's career security and well-being vs. their abuse of power toward vulnerable fans was just my imagination? Because from this, it seems to me one is taking much more precedence.

  • AllKill VIP
    Quote from SMsKKSilence

    "So these male Idols should be more careful in who they engage with and how they engage with people, cause they are the public person, it’s their image. I can understand it’s easier to date or hookup with someone who already has a crush on you, it’s less work, but you ain’t a regular dude tho. All this playing games ain’t worth a potential ruined career if you messed with the wrong people, it’s not worth doing so for anyone… playing games will bite you in your own butt one day.


    They should better stay away from fans for the sake of their fans and also their own good."


    So you mean to tell me I just imagine these words, or the shift in focus onto the idol's career security and well-being vs. their abuse of power toward vulnerable fans was just my imagination? Because from this, it seems to me one is taking much more precedence.

    No, you seem to have read my OP with Lucas situation in mind, while I was talking about all Idols in general.


    You just decided to focus on one part of this long OP to make it a case… I started with mentioning the advantage Idols have over fans and went on saying that their bad behavior or messing with the wrong people can ruin their career. I tried to cover as much that I wanted too as general as possible without making it a case study.


    If you talk about abuse of power and vulnerable fans, this is a specific case… Lucas case?… must not be the situation with every Idol/Fan relationship. But there can be other issues that can come with dating a fan. Not every relationship with a power imbalance will end with abuse. So emphasizing on this to make it look the norm would be wrong.


    If you want to bring more focus on that aspect go on and do it? But will you generalize it or will it be about Lucas ? Cause he is the only Idol who has been reported (apart from Kris Wu) to have probably abused his power against fans… so will you treat every possible Idol/Fan relationship as a Lucas case ? I’m looking forward to it.

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