(100 akorns)How would you get out of this situation of a person forcing you to be a certain way?

1st Official Post

    100 akorns for best answer <3 I need to fix this situation but idk how.


    I recently realised this friend who claims to have my best interest keeps spreading rumours about me and puts me down. I don't like getting into fights so I just tried to be normal.


    Today they barged into my room saying that I've been ignoring them. I said I did speak to them (a lot) and they said it doesn't count since someone else started that conversation(?)


    They refuse to believe their mistakes, or straight up lie about what they said or I said or bring up traumatic stuff I confided in them against me.


    Today when we were alone they squished my hand against the wall, yanked at my slippers till they came off and forcefully shoved my foot into brand new shoes they got. I said I didn't want it the whole damn time and kept trying to get away cuz it didn't feel right. I'm uncomfortable accepting gifts and they know that.


    But even now I feel conscious when I'm not smiling all the time at them since they think it's about some "pettiness" I have towards them even though it's very well deserved if I did. They keep saying oh everyone's commenting about my rbf or my attitude towards them when only they were. But I feel pressured to be someone I'm not. Just to stop them from cornering me.

    Desbundar

    from my experience when I had fake friends like that, you should try first to be honest with them and telling what you really feel and think about the situation you're having. If you realise their behaviour change for the worst after that, then it's the proof they aren't actually your friends. Having friends mean being yourself and appreciated for what you are. You will suffer and feel bad if you need to change what you are for other people as it can be tiring being someone that you're not.

    In your life you will meet many other people and having even 2-3 friends but good ones and that don't pretend big things from you, then they are real friends.

    ★・・EXO【EXIST - The 7th Album】➫ 2023.07.10 ・・ ★
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    From my experience, the best way to deal with situations like these is to publicly call out their behaviour to a group of their friends and themselves. From what you've told me about this person, they seem to value public option and if their behaviours are exposed, they're more likely to stop forcing you to act in manners you don't want to entertain. However, take good care of how you phrase your opinions.


    You need to convince everyone that this person's behaviour is damaging to you and to do this, you need to respond calmly without shouting or being aggressive. Being composed, especially considering that you've implied that the other person acts aggressively. This will make you seem more mature and persuade people their friends that you're the 'right' one in the situation.


    Think over your past conversations with this person, and highlight explicit sections of their words that demonstrate damaging behaviour. Text messages and such work perfectly in situations like these. Communicate your situation to somebody you trust, and allow them to help you with this. In fact, if you can, explain your situation to an adult you trust.


    It's obvious that this person is using your friendship and expects something from you. If they're using your words against you to make you feel insecure, that's a sign that they're trying to get you to become dependant on them. From this, we can imply that they are using your 'friendship', to gain 'comfort' from your relationship as they've said that 'you don't talk to them' which implies that they want your attention. Them giving you gifts is their way of attempting you to keep communicating with them.


    If exposing their behaviour to their friends doesn't work, simply cut communication. Block them and avoid them. Since they appear to be desperate for your friendship, this would come as a shock to their system as they've continuously been attempting to persuade you to continue communicating with them. If their friends have been persuaded by you, their friends won't believe their complaints about you.


    However, if they manage to corner you once again, I'd go straight to some higher up within your community and explain your situation. You shouldn't be pressured to act in a certain way to accomafiate for somebody else. No matter the situation.


    Hope this helps!

    Well, I'm no therapist, but maybe I can help.


    Firstly, you have to end your friendship with that person as soon as possible.


    To do this, I would suggest to grab a paper. Based on your current feelings, you're going to write down everything you're going to tell them when ending the friendship. Tell your friend that even though you appreciate the time spent with them, you now wish to remain as mere acquaintances.


    I would normally ask you to try to talk to them and ask your friend if anything's been happening, but in this situation, they have physically harmed you and could've caused you damage, and there's no explanation or excuse for that. Spreading rumours is also extremely rude and they completely dismissed your feelings. Those are both huge red flags and you need to end the friendship inmedietly.


    Please don't feel bad about any of this. They're completely at fault. You can still wave or say "Good Morning" to them after parting ways, but re-engaging in a friendship with someone who has treated you this harshly, is a no-no.

    out of service

    just speak to them like a person


    communication is key to any relationship whether it be friendship or otherwise...

    just talk and air out such grievances and issues

    if they avoid the issue or try to change the subject then make sure they understand this is an issue that is bothering you and that you want to discuss it at a later time maybe...


    if all that doesn't work then it means they really don't want to salvage the friendship...

  • AllKill VIP
    • Official Post

    The ultimate goal of a friendship is happiness. If it’s not making you happy anymore, you owe it to yourself to move on instead of being in a friendship that causes you grief and stress. At this point, I might even argue that it’s no longer a friendship.


    If you haven’t already communicated your thoughts and feelings to this person about the matter, please do so. They probably have some trauma going on in their life, too, so you should suggest that they get the help they need. They’re probably being very controlling and abusive to you because they themself feel controlled and limited. They might feel the only “thing” they have control over is you, but please don’t allow that to happen. They need to figure themself out without harming others. It’s not your job to fix them, but if you can safely do so, I would recommend them to seek help so they can become better over time.


    This is clearly a toxic friendship. You might not realize it, but this has potential to affect your mental health negatively if you let it drag on. It’s not something you want to risk putting yourself through. Trust me on this.

    i would just tell then but it sounds like your "friend" is really aggressive so i guess just ghost her? but since she can barge into your room i'm assuming you go to the same school and live close to one another? she could still spread rumor's about you. people like this are sometimes unpredictable. So just be careful when/if you confront them.

  • AllKill VIP

    I would just cut them off, and if they do not stop showing up at your place of living get a restraining order. Love, you don't need that type of person in your life. My best friend had one like that and 3 months before shewas about to marry her high school sweetheart they told me they had already taken her engagement ring off my dresser (she was staying with me at the time) and went and married him. I told my best friend like immediately as I should, 🤣 (he wasn't a good person so she can have him tbh imo). Point is those types of people are always going to lie about you and want whatever you have even if they already have everything in the world.

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    Quote from yougottadreamman

    Did it work for you? How are things between you and that person now?

    Not that good tbh. I gave them what they wanted and went back to behaving the way they wanted me too and the agressive gift shoving stopped. Another person I dread, their best friend will be here by Monday but then I'm probably leaving. Ikw they'll still talk even worse shit about me and say its for my own good idk. Ig I have to get through it till then and try my best to avoid them after that.

    Desbundar

    Quote from Serendipity2000

    Not that good tbh. I gave them what they wanted and went back to behaving the way they wanted me too and the agressive gift shoving stopped. Another person I dread, their best friend will be here by Monday but then I'm probably leaving. Ikw they'll still talk even worse shit about me and say its for my own good idk. Ig I have to get through it till then and try my best to avoid them after that.

    mm can i ask you some questions? of course, you can answer only if you want to


    1. in the original post, you mentioned that they barge into your room. does that mean that you are roomates with them?


    2. if not, are you both studying in the same school/college/university?

    out of service

    Quote from common-nobody

    mm can i ask you some questions? of course, you can answer only if you want to


    1. in the original post, you mentioned that they barge into your room. does that mean that you are roomates with them?


    2. if not, are you both studying in the same school/college/university?

    I came over to stay at a friends house cuz of a problem at home and this person lives closeby. This person comes to visit often and this family thinks its cuz they care a lot. I told the family some of the truth and asked if I could lock my door.


    This person started crying loudly about personal thoughts I'd confided in them years ago mixed with lies and incidents that never happened. Made the family think I was locking the door to (TW) self harm. The family made me promise I would keep it unlocked and I got a earful on how to be grateful to them. They have this talent of making reality, the truth and memories sound false.

    Desbundar

    Quote from Serendipity2000

    I came over to stay at a friends house cuz of a problem at home and this person lives closeby. This person comes to visit often and this family thinks its cuz they care a lot. I told the family some of the truth and asked if I could lock my door.


    This person started crying loudly about personal thoughts I'd confided in them years ago mixed with lies and incidents that never happened. Made the family think I was locking the door to (TW) self harm. The family made me promise I would keep it unlocked and I got a earful on how to be grateful to them. They have this talent of making reality, the truth and memories sound false.

    Hmm, is there any authority or person of power who you can inform of the situation then?

    out of service

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