Most disturbing update I have read on reddit, why you should dump someone at first red flags instead of spending years with them

I get that guy. Sponsorship is a big commitment. I don't know this person's country or anything but in Canada, if you sponsor someone you are financially responsible for them for 3 years. And even if you break up, you have to honor the agreement. The guy was trying to be a good person and help his girlfriend but I can understand him getting a cold feet. Sponsorship is a big responsibility and I have seen people get screwed over because of it.

interesting...

I can't really place all the blame on him for her death since we don't know if there were other factors but the sponsorship thingy is a bit sus

he basically got her hopes up only to shatter it at the last minute

Quote from Lulu_Key

Nah fuck him

He only suggested it bc when she was stressed, it inconvenienced him.

He had no intention of going through with it. He only told her his real feelings in the last possible moment. He took away her options.

That's sociopath level not just normal cold feet

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You can think that but honestly, most people don't know the responsibility associated with sponsoring someone and can make wrong decisions. I have seen people suffer because of sponsoring even family. I agree that maybe he shouldn't have offered in the first place but it sounds like he wasn't fully aware of what he would be liable for and made a spur of the moment decision.

Quote from selfmate

interesting...

I can't really place all the blame on him for her death since we don't know if there were other factors but the sponsorship thingy is a bit sus

he basically got her hopes up only to shatter it at the last minute

Death? I didn't see anything that said the girl died?

Quote from Noemi

Death? I didn't see anything that said the girl died?

the last part

That guy is sick in his head seriously

Nah man, they were in a relationship for 5 years, no way he didnt know her situation back home. I would cut my own fucking limb off for someone i love, fuck that "responsibility" shit. Shit happened later, i'd pay the price but i'd never be able to let someone i "love" leave like that. He's a pos fr. And i have no words abt how he kept letting her hope and make plans to only cancel everything out last minute..abt something as important as that smh

Quote from selfmate

the last part

TW: mentions of suicide

I've (28m) posted before about my ex-girlfriend (27f) and why we broke up so I won't get into that here. We dated for almost 5 years before we broke up.

A couple of weeks ago I received a sum of money from my ex-girlfriend. This happened while I was sleeping as we were in different time zones so I only saw it when I woke up. A message was included with the deposit that said "Hope this helps pay off some student loans". It wasn't a huge sum but still significant, so I tried to contact her but I couldn't reach her.

Fast forward to last week, a mutual friend of ours wanted to check up on how she was doing, but they couldn't reach her either. They google searched her name and the country she was in, and through google translate they found out that she committed suicide. No one knows exactly when she died, but most probably soon after she sent me the money, and no one could find anything about a funeral either. She wasn't close to her family and didn't have that many family members in her country. Other friends found out about it too and since then everyone has been blaming me for her death.

Obviously, I'm devastated by it too. However, I think it's unfair for people to say that I'm the reason she killed herself or that I could have helped her. She's had depression before when we were dating and I've always managed to get her to get over it but problems still did come up from time to time. She was also the one who broke up with me after I tried to make things work.

This incident has very negatively impacted my relationship with my friends as I work with some of them in school. Some very close friends have also stopped talking to me.

What do I do? How do I convince them that it wasn't my fault and how do I get my friends to treat me normally again?

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I didn't even see that in the linked thread.

It's sad the girl died. However, it's not an outcome the OP could have predicted. I don't know. I feel sorry for her but I can't blame the OP for choosing not to sponsor as I would never take on that responsibility myself.

Quote from Lulu_Key

Did you read his update? He should have let her know the moment he got the bad feeling

Not waiting the last possible moment

The 3 month of comfort He got for himself, costed her life.

He is a pos, every woman he meets in future should know.

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From what I read, it's not mentioned anywhere that he waited until the last moment. Only that he couldn't finish his part and ended up backing off. From his post, it seems the gf was still searching for a job for some time after before her visa expired. Again, I think he shouldn't have offered if he didn't know all the liabilities that come with sponsoring someone but I understand him deciding not to.

That’s really sad. I do have some questions tho. Like why didn’t he tell her that he’s thinking about it but that he isn’t sure. That would’ve already been much better. Idk if he’s a sociopath or just dumb

Quote from Noemi

I didn't even see that in the linked thread.

It's sad the girl died. However, it's not an outcome the OP could have predicted. I don't know. I feel sorry for her but I can't blame the OP for choosing not to sponsor as I would never take on that responsibility myself.

see the way I see it is:

I don't blame him for the non-sponsorship - that's his choice but what I do blame him for is backing out of that decision once made...

he said he/ they consulted an immigration consultant so he seemed to understand the risks/benefits dangers etc etc at that point but he still choose to go ahead anyway...

which to me seems he had an ethical albeit not legal obligation to continue through the process...

up until that point he had no ethical obligations but he said yes and promised her that he would...

Quote from Lulu_Key

Yeah srsly

Why would you stay in relationships with someone for 5 years, if you don't want any responsibility?

I have never loved someone enough to stay with them for 5 years, if I do ill give them my organs if they need it. Let alone fucking money

Exactly. AND he knew abt her mental health issues. Said he wanted a future with her too..where?? how?? would they get married and live in different countries? what kinda dumbshit excuses