i just wonder. about me, about the people i know irl, about the people here.
my biggest issue right now is my bf never texting me. i thought it was little until i realized he probably isn't interested. so i decided to not reply and see how long it takes for him to text back and he hasn't for over 24 hours. the happiness of someone reciprocating is so short-lived (literally).
i thought it was little until i realized that i thought that i could outgrow my old boyfriend's untimely death, that i could move past it, that i could move past everything that's happened to me within the last five years.
but i can't.
year after year of something traumatic happening, you start to wonder if it does ever get better. and people say it does. in reality, it's either "the easy way out" or just taking it like an adult year after year and hoping it gets better. and sometimes i hope my life will be a like a movie but it isn't- i don't think i'll ever find closure.
i am at the maximum dose of my depression medication, along with the 7 other meds i'm taking. i am so tired. i have two classes i think i'm failing. do you know how embarrassing it is to have your psychiatrist write a letter to your teachers saying you're sad over a death that happened all the way back in june?
so then i come here and people fighting constant back and forths over groups i love. what am i supposed to do? the answer is nothing. it's weird watching the same shit play out over and over again. and yeah, maybe it's pathetic i'm making this thread and sharing all of this but i'm done lying and putting on this "put together" and "smart" persona. even i don't know who i am.
i don't know. use this as a place to rant if you need.