Hi.. Is this grooming???

Okay so a few day ago I was talking with a friend of mine about how some books could give a whole other impression when read for the second time or so... and he said that Jean Webster's Daddy Long Legs is an example of such books... I remember reading this book way back so I went and read it again and it did feel a lot different..

For those who don't know about the book, it's about a 17 yo orphaned girl who gets a chance to study in college with the help of a mysterious benefactor, the only condition is that she's required to write him letters regularly telling him about her life there without ever knowing his real identity...

what do y'all think... am I reaching

Please give your honest opinions not just yes or no answers...

Quote from chainyviolet

Ahhh it definitely could be, but I would want to read the book myself before jumping to conclusions. Still, a 30-year-old man wanting to really know a 17-year-old girl's life is definitely questionable.

Do read it if you get the chance to.. It's really easy and could be finished on one sitting.

As others said here the age gap might be considered alright given the time period the book was written in which is 1912.. but the way they got to know each other is the odd thing for me

Quote from bartkun

in the past people were married when they were like 12-13 and young wifes were giving birth to children when they were 15, so I guess very much depends on "setting" of whole book

I can see "writing letters" which for sure suggests the books timeline is the past because nowadays no one is writing letters lol

Quote from LovenRose

I suppose? Need more context. But isn’t that an old book. Time was different back then. You can’t really judge people based on what’s considered right or wrong today.

Yes it was published in 1912 so I think during that time period it was normal for these age gaps to exist.. their age difference isn't really what's coming off as weird to me but more like the way he learned about her life through a hidden identity..

Quote from superyeah

I looked it up. Benefactor storyline aside, the fact that she falls "in love" with a man simply for his money in the end doesn't quite hold up in today's time, when girls should be trying to be as autonomous and independent as possible. It's definitely not a good message to be promoting to girls.

However, I wouldn't say it's grooming in the traditional sense, as she never discovers his identity throughout the whole process. She thinks she's falling in love with a completely different person in the end and has no knowledge that he'd been the benefactor.

If he revealed himself as the benefactor during the letter-writing days and they meet up later and eventually get married, yes, it would be grooming.

Again, overall not a good message to promote either way.

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Tbf in the story she didn't really marry him for this reason but I agree if that was the case it's not a good message.

And to be more precise she fell for his real identity and only learned about him being the one helping her at the very end.. so maybe it is grooming from his side as he did learn about her through both a hidden name a real name separately..

Quote from LovenRose

I agree that it’s creepy. Would freak if a guy tried anything like that. But I could see that once upon a time in the right context (haven’t read the book so don’t know) it could be romantic. And since the age gap isn’t that bad it becomes less off putting.

read it if you can

Quote from LovenRose

Now I’m just guessing but the fact that he had actually meet her and had a previous connection to her as her friends uncle it’s saved from being considered inappropriate by it’s own times standard.

Yes I didn't really find anything wrong with them knowing each other previous to them getting together.. just the fact that he was okay with learning more about her life in a kinda mysterious way..

Quote from chainyviolet

uhhh I’m sorry, I’m confused. You want me to recommend threads to you?

Lol they meant this as a simpler explanation of the condition in the book.. i think

Quote from superyeah

Ah, I see. I guess my source was inaccurate. I've read that the book received criticism for using the guy's wealth as the main point of attraction for the girl, so I formulated my view based on that.

Yeah, if one-sided grooming is a thing, this is it. If he uses what she tells him in the letters to appeal to her later on (when they meet as supposed "strangers"), it falls on the borderline of that category. I'm not sure if you've seen the Netflix series You, but it would be akin to the male main character's behavior.

No I haven't seen it yet honestly, but I've read that the mc in it is kinda a stalker... might as well watch it now lol