Dating Someone who is your opposite

  • What are the struggles of dating someone who is not like you??


    For example, I'm the most painfully introverted person you'll meet and my boyfriend is like this really popular guy who has a nervous breakdown every time he has to be alone for 20 minutes


    Struggle #1

    As a musician he's highly motivated, if he thinks up a song today morning, he's already finished recording it by the end of the day, and when he's not working on his creative output he's brainstorming on the business end of things.


    Me, on the other hand, write one short story a year and i have no motivation to get people to read it. I'm mostly just wallowing in my misery most ofthe time. This makes me a little bit resentful, seeing how rich his life is and how barren and bleak mine is.


    Struggle #2:

    He's an eternal optimist. I'm a pessimist. I want to believe in the things he says, yet, I simply can't. At the end of the day, when everything's turned out fine, I'm still miserable because I'm too busy worrying about the next thing that won't work.


    At least when I was alone or dating someone not so different there was a part of me that remind me to lighten up. Now my whole being wants to bring eternal doom into any room I enter.


    Struggle #3:

    When a person who isnt so likeable goes out with a social butterfly.

    I feel resentful whenever he's with his friends. He has like a 100 people in his life and i have like, 1 friend in my city and i never even visited her house.


    "Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter."

  • I don’t really know what to tell you but you guys should stay together to know all this, you probably pay a lot of attention to him

    Yeah, it was easier when we weren't staying together, and since I'm a person who absorbs energy and his is very strong, it fucks with my head a bit


    "Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter."

  • Why would I want to date someone like me? Ewww...


    I am exactly like you, OP, and I would clearly want to date someone like your boyfriend. Just don't try to change yourself to fit someone's expectations and I believe everything you've pointed out in your post could be discussed with him. Open your heart, I guess.

  • Relationships like this can work but personally, I think compatibility is really important - finding a middle ground, whilst making sure you're both happy. To hear you feel gloomy and resentful is kinda alarming for me, that's not how you should feel towards your significant other. Sounds like eventually you'll find it far too exhausting to be with him and he'll end up getting bored with you.

  • Relationships like this can work but personally, I think compatibility is really important - finding a middle ground, whilst making sure you're both happy. To hear you feel gloomy and resentful is kinda alarming for me, that's not how you should feel towards your significant other. Sounds like eventually you'll find it far too exhausting to be with him and he'll end up getting bored with you.

    I worry about that so much ;(


    "Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter."

  • I feel resentful whenever he's with his friends. He has like a 100 people in his life and i have like, 1 friend in my city and i never even visited her house.

    This is a big red flag that I experienced in real life.


    If one person resents their partner's friends and social life, this will lead to 3 possible outcomes:


    1. He would slowly but surely get in contact less and less with his friends because it makes you feel bad. He will feel miserable and will start to resent you as well and he will miss his old life.


    2. You would have to deal with it and always feel miserable about it unless you go out of your way to socialize and get along with his friends. You won't be very happy but that's a compromise.


    3. You break up and find someone who suits your personality more.


    There would also be a 4th option in which both of you compromise : he would try to spend more time alone with you and you would try to spend some time with his friends and have them be your friends as well, but this needs more maturity and commitment from both parts.



    I know how it feels to be resentful of your boyfriend's friends and feel like you're just an extra that nobody from his circle likes :-(

  • My partner and I are like chalk and cheese. He’s extremely extroverted whilst I’m an introvert. Somehow we’ve managed twenty years together. It’s difficult as he’s such a social person who wants to see his friends and talk all the time. Once he starts talking, you can never get him to shut up which can be annoying. He also doesn’t know what it’s like for an introvert. He is a great mental health support though.

  • Your boyfriend sounds a little like mine. Mine is also a musician but he is also an introvert which is something we have in common. My bf also wakes up at 2Am with a song idea and never comes back to bed. He is also pretty business minded but he's a creative person too. He is half optimist and half 'meh' because he tries to see the good part of everything but sometimes he just doesn't care, although he's not negative at all, unless he's provoked obviously. Unlike your bf, mine hates going outside and he has like less than 10 friends, I have like 3 close friends and a million co workers.

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