Is this coworker petty or am I overthinking?

  • Should I be worried? 2

    1. Yes (2) 100%
    2. No (0) 0%


    I moved companies to get a fresh start from this reviewer. I confided in a few teammates about her. The old team shifted first then she did. But they were in different teams now. When she came over my team was hostile and asked if they needed to do anything. I said forget it. The old team were mostly on her side in the whole situation but they still invited me for lunch and stuff but since she was friends with them. I sorta avoided them.


    I avoided her too but her behaviour towards me was weird. I wore a dress before she joined everyone thought it was lovely. I wore the same dress after she joined and there was a complaint against me in HR. My teammates were pissed about this. She yanked a common friend away from me mid conversation. My coworkers noticed that too. Then she books the cabin closest to our team for the WHOLE day. She sits in the bay closest to our team aswell. She tried to make friends specifically with people I hang out with.


    Off late I realised she dressed similar to me. The same styles and colors that I wore. I wrote it off as me overthinking because she did not like my outfits. However one day she wore the exact same outfit as me. My coworkers pointed it out. Even the "helpless behaviour" she hated in me is something she's trying to act like except I'm almost a decade younger than my coworkers while she is the same age as them. The old team is sort of avoiding her a bit. She has a hard time keeping women as friends and with her behaviour towards me it's no surprise but guys always vibed with her and likewise. Why are they not as chummy as before?


    My team is writing her off as a joke like an obsessed ex but I'm genuinely a bit uneasy. I tried patching up with her several times in my old company but she would be back to berating me in seconds and giving me sleepless nights. I have this ominous feeling but it might as well just be me overthinking.

    Desbundar

  • She seems like an insecure, toxic person.

    Keep a record of dates and any bad behavior, so you can report her if it escalates.

    But what, specifically, are you worried about?

    I keep my coworkers around me as much as I can so they serve as eye witnesses to the bs she does. They deem her behaviour as irritating but not harmful. It probably is but the way she physically keeps inching closer to me day by day is unsettling. Why is she doing this? The old team not hanging out with her means she will turn to me to latch onto. The fear of the past repeating itself is looming over my head.

    Desbundar

  • Yes, she is definitely being petty. Luckily it sounds like you have people on your side.


    The best thing you can do is build those relationships and let your work speak for itself. Work hard, impress those around you, and she won't be able to do anything about it. As mentioned above, keep records of evidence for your defense if you ever need it. Being prepared and cautious is never a bad thing.


    Sometimes the only way out is through and the only way to win is to outlast. It'll be hard, but you can do it!

    I left my heart in LA again. Please continue taking good care of it.

  • I keep my coworkers around me as much as I can so they serve as eye witnesses to the bs she does. They deem her behaviour as irritating but not harmful. It probably is but the way she physically keeps inching closer to me day by day is unsettling. Why is she doing this? The old team not hanging out with her means she will turn to me to latch onto. The fear of the past repeating itself is looming over my head.

    If you mean the past that you wrote about, then you have HR on your side. If you're especially worried, you could probably ask their advice on what to do/how to report different behaviors.

  • document all of her behaviour and if anything breaks the rules/policy report it to HR

    but make sure you have the evidence ready beforehand in case of a he said she said situation

  • document all of her behaviour and if anything breaks the rules/policy report it to HR

    but make sure you have the evidence ready beforehand in case of a he said she said situation

    What kind of evidence do you suggest in these cases? because individually speaking none of these break any rules but when you put it all together...Now that the guys have stopped talking to her. I feel it's getting worse for me everytime I walk into office. Not them.

    Desbundar

  • What kind of evidence do you suggest in these cases? because individually speaking none of these break any rules but when you put it all together...Now that the guys have stopped talking to her. I feel it's getting worse for me everytime I walk into office. Not them.

    you mentioned she is berating you - what kind of words is she using?

    telling someone about the way they dress might be construed as sexual harassment in some situations - what is your organisations policy in that regards

    even if the words are just verbal - I'm sure you've told her to stop using them and if she hasn't then put it in writing ie. documenting it


    something like - Dear [xyz] I refer to the conversation we had around [time] on [date] where I asked you to stop referring to [insert issue here]. You responded that you would no longer make mention of [issue] moving forward.


    (something like that)


    that way there's a record of the jist of the conversation because if the other party disagrees with the contents of the email they would naturally respond otherwise

  • If you thought the clothes were creepy. The behaviour has also gotten the same. Someone literally said the way you talk reminds me of (my name) down to the way that I do a lil bow and say thanks. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed or scared atp.


    If she hated me so much why is she tryna become me.

    :drinktears:

    Desbundar

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