It seems like some are ok with being sexually harassed …

There is a situation I wanna share with you guys.

It seems like some women are ok with being sexually harassed depending on the guy who is doing it.

I know a Boy ( let’s call him B here) he is the best friend of my cousin who has a lot of female friends. He isn’t close with all of them. Anyway he has the tendency to touch a lot of them in an inappropriate way, like touching their boobs or their butt in a playful or teasing manner, or he will hug them and give them kisses on the cheek etc . I catch most of them saying he should stop, but they never get mad and still hang around with him.

So yesterday one of these Girls called me ( I would say we are friends) and while we were talking, she brought up the topic sexual harassment and that there is a guy who makes her feel so uncomfortable, she doesn’t want him even near her. So because I saw what B did to her once, I thought she will talk about him, but no, she talked about a guy from her church who keeps asking her out for a date… I was a bit confused tbh..... So she feels sexually harassed by a guy who was just asking for a date, but a guy who touches her inappropriately several times without them being that close is ok ??

So I must say here that B is very popular among the Girls, quite a lot wanna date him, he makes music. He can make them do so many things for him like cooking, helping him out or driving him around, like I really don’t get it how some women let themself get treated like this.

So to cut it sort, even though some end in situations where bystanders might consider it sexual harassment, it doesn’t seem to really bother the “ victim “ if they find the perpetrator attractive...

The same applies to guys as well, I have heard guys talking about situations where a women kinda forced themself on them and even though they didn’t like it, they let it be because they thought the person was hot lol.

So much weird stuff. But I did noticed it with me too ( thankfully not even close to that degree) but when a guy you find attractive asks you out, even if you don’t want to, it feels less uncomfortable/or harassed then if someone you don’t find attractive at all ask you out.

Quote from lmfaooo

hmmm but if they're okay with it/want it, is it still considered sexual harassment?

That is what I was thinking, but you would say that the actions would be considered sexual harassment.

So is it more about a feeling rather then the act itself?

I remember there was this controversy on SNL Korea where the female host would touch the male Idols inappropriately, it went on for years until people called these actions sexual harassment, yet none or I think the majority of the males were laughing this attacks off. Yet as a viewer it felt uncomfortable watching.

Quote from lmfaooo

I think the definition of sexual harassment is "unwanted" sexual advances, etc. right? So yeah it might be more about the feeling than the act itself. i'm not sure tbh

But they are not saying they want it, in my case stated above they always say he should stop, yet they still allow it happen all the time and don’t get mad

Quote from invstor099

It’s only harassment if you are ugli

That’s what incel say all the time lol

Quote from keaji

Touching people when they want them to stop it? That sounds like harassment. If you guys are close you should ask them if it bothers them, since they are telling him to stop or do they only have this kind of playful friendship?

Like I said, not all are that close to him, he just does it, they say he should stop, but still hang out with him. It‘s kinda complex to explain. They seem uncomfortable, yet they don’t call him out for it. It‘s weird

Quote from Tic_tac_toe

There is nothing called being “okay” with sexual harassment. Sexual harassment by definition is unwanted. If they’re okay then there is CONSENT. Omg how hard is it to understand consent.

You misunderstood me here, I don’t mean that someone is ok with it, these people don’t seem to be ok with it, they tell him to stop! But instead of not hanging around him anymore they still do.

Quote from rosseannepark

Literally this. Its not the rocket science some of y'all make it out to be. If she is okay with it, that means she has consented to it, if not then its harassment.

That’s what I mean, it’s harassment because they tell him to stop and look uncomfortable, but still hang out with him knowing he does it all the time. I don’t get this. If it’s consent why would they say no and push him away, yet still hang out with him even though not all of them are that close to him. He is like flirting with everyone.

Quote from keaji

If they are uncomfortable and don't want to be touched, they should tell him and prevent him touching them.

If they are okay with it, then it's not a harrasement.

(but it doesn't make sense that they consider someone asking them out as harrasement)

According to her that guy asked her out more then once.

Quote from keaji

If they are uncomfortable and don't want to be touched, they should tell him and prevent him touching them.

If they are okay with it, then it's not a harrasement.

(but it doesn't make sense that they consider someone asking them out as harrasement)

I have to mention that I asked her if she doesn’t feel annoyed about how B behaves and she told me that that it is indeed annoying but that’s how it is so yeah ... i don’t get it.

Quote from rosseannepark

Point is if she is okay with him doing those things, then honestly she has consented, if not then its harassment. As her friend you should probably suggest if she is not okay then she should say no to him directly and even if she still doesn't refuse his approach towards her after all that, then its on her. You can't do anything. Also about the other guy, it doesn't matter if she is not attracted to him or not, if she has repeatedly asked him to stop bothering her, he should.

I just told the other user, in that conversation I asked her if she doesn’t feel annoyed by what B is doing and she said that she indeed feels annoyed and doesn’t like it, but she also continued saying that this is how he is... that’s what I meant with some seem to be ok treated like that just because they like the person. I can’t do more then that.