It seems like some are ok with being sexually harassed …

  • I will say this in cases of sexual harassment and other forms of harassment its more than the physical aspect, there is often a power dynamic that comes into play.


    That's why when we hear of more prominent cases such as celebrities like Harvey Weinstein the issue was a large difference in power dynamic. the difference between the people's respective power levels in that organisation.


    In your case there is little context for me to give a better opinion other than there may be more power dynamics involved. Furthermore there may be peer pressure/social pressure and a stigma attached to "ratting on him" or "calling him out". I don't know B - is he powerful? his parents? is he the high school quarterback? the captain of the basketball team etc etc those things can add to a difference in power dynamic.


    For the females - again I cannot give anything more than a general opinion on their actions because the actions by selves do not indicate wanted nor unwanted action towards B because we see it in other cases where a victim has "suffered" numerous times at the hands of the perpetrator but were too scared to say no. Domestic Violence victims often suffer a lot of abuse even though its certainly unwanted but only come forward after a long time due to family and financial and social pressures.


    Then from the perspective of B - yes he may be still doing this because the females still engage with him, hang around him and do not actively distance themselves from him so in his eyes the "unwantedness" may amount to mere playfulness...and again without knowing more its hard to classify his actions as SH or not

  • We normalize this behaviour for some people even if it is wrong or makes us uncomfortable. Maybe because of their personality, peer pressure or they have some good qualities. I am sure someday people will realize the situation.

  • the thing is they're probably just tolerating it to have a chance with him. or maybe they just don't want to cause a fuss and tolerate it because he's hot. its even worse for guys because if he refuses advances from a woman people will question his sexuality.

    1601860532-20201004-suhyun.jpg~proudly presented by a humble humanoid commenter~


  • Maybe explain to her that what he does is not exactly okay and if you did n she still does not say anything to him, that clearly means she is okay with his behaviour so you or any other person can't do anything.

    Well she said that’s how he is, as her just tolerating it. It reminds me of people who stay with certain people despite they treat them bad.

  • We normalize this behaviour for some people even if it is wrong or makes us uncomfortable. Maybe because of their personality, peer pressure or they have some good qualities. I am sure someday people will realize the situation.

    Well I did, he tried it with me and I told him what he is doing is sexual harassment and he was like why are you exaggerating like that... Well we don’t get a long for obvious reasons!

  • In your case there is little context for me to give a better opinion other than there may be more power dynamics involved. Furthermore there may be peer pressure/social pressure and a stigma attached to "ratting on him" or "calling him out". I don't know B - is he powerful? his parents? is he the high school quarterback? the captain of the basketball team etc etc those things can add to a difference in power dynamic.

    Hmm well he does music but isn’t that popular not even local, like a wannabe Singer to be exact, but he was many friends.

    For the females - again I cannot give anything more than a general opinion on their actions because the actions by selves do not indicate wanted nor unwanted action towards B because we see it in other cases where a victim has "suffered" numerous times at the hands of the perpetrator but were too scared to say no. Domestic Violence victims often suffer a lot of abuse even though its certainly unwanted but only come forward after a long time due to family and financial and social pressures.

    In these cases the victims do have a stronger connection to the person an emotional one. But with those females they are not dating him, they aren’t even that close ( even though some thing they are)...

    Then from the perspective of B - yes he may be still doing this because the females still engage with him, hang around him and do not actively distance themselves from him so in his eyes the "unwantedness" may amount to mere playfulness...and again without knowing more its hard to classify his actions as SH or not

    I think that’s exactly the situation here, he things it’s ok, I once told him what he is doing is sexual harassment but he just acted as if I’m overreacting and can’t handle fun :rolleyes:. I see this guy as very toxic and I don’t understand why nobody else sees this !

  • Exactly what i wanted to say.

    Maybe there is some peer presure? If he does it to a lot of people, one person doesn't want to be seen as the one standing up to him?

    It's hard to understand the situation and why they act like they do from the way op described it.

    It happens in different situations, sometimes when there are many people around but also if it’s just 1-2 people. Like he did it to a girl while it was just him, me and here. I don’t think it’s completely peer pressure, cause most of the time it happens when there aren’t many people around.

  • Hmm well he does music but isn’t that popular not even local, like a wannabe Singer to be exact, but he was many friends.

    In these cases the victims do have a stronger connection to the person an emotional one. But with those females they are not dating him, they aren’t even that close ( even though some thing they are)...

    I think that’s exactly the situation here, he things it’s ok, I once told him what he is doing is sexual harassment but he just acted as if I’m overreacting and can’t handle fun :rolleyes:. I see this guy as very toxic and I don’t understand why nobody else sees this !

    a lot of singrers are quite popular in high school lol even wannabe ones


    thats the thing these females may have formed an emotion connection to this guy because they don't seem to be able to break off the relationship with him (relationship here as in friend relationship)...and you mentioned that some want to date him so there may be an yearning for his affection and the touching whilst physically unwanted may not be emotionally unwanted as in *hey his touching me, i don't like it but he's paying attention to me*


    then take action and report his ass to the school or the authorities...if you truly believe it...

  • Well that’s why consent is so important. If i don’t mind a random dude touches me because i like it, that’s my problem which doesn’t mean if another dude tries to do the same i will be okay with it.

    Even when you are in a relationship. If you boyfriend or girlfriend forced you to have sex and you don’t want to, that can still be considered as sexual harassment or even rape if they go further than that..even if it’s your partner. Yes is yes and no is no.

    Yes !

  • a lot of singrers are quite popular in high school lol even wannabe ones


    thats the thing these females may have formed an emotion connection to this guy because they don't seem to be able to break off the relationship with him (relationship here as in friend relationship)...and you mentioned that some want to date him so there may be an yearning for his affection and the touching whilst physically unwanted may not be emotionally unwanted as in *hey his touching me, i don't like it but he's paying attention to me*


    then take action and report his ass to the school or the authorities...if you truly believe it...

    We don’t go to the same school, I’m a student, he is part of a group of people I know, we went to the same church and like I said he is the best friend of my cousin.


    I already played with the thought to report it to someone. But I just need one of them to clearly say she felt harassed and not a “yeah I don’t like it, but that’s just how he is”. At the end I’m the one trying to help while they don’t seem to want help. I did it once and it backfired. Yeah I was called having a hero complex (even though I was right at the end anyway) since then i wait until the person really ask for help.

  • We don’t go to the same school, I’m a student, he is part of a group of people I know, we went to the same church and like I said he is the best friend of my cousin.


    I already played with the thought to report it to someone. But I just need one of them to clearly say she felt harassed and not a “yeah I don’t like it, but that’s just how he is”. At the end I’m the one trying to help while they don’t seem to want help. I did it once and it backfired. Yeah I was called having a hero complex (even though I was right at the end anyway) since then i wait until the person really ask for help.

    ahhh gotcha


    if i were you and wanted to tske this person B seiously i would document his actions - everytime you see him do this to you or a friend write it down along with the time and details and responses from the females its good evidence if something really bad happened or to use as proof

  • ahhh gotcha


    if i were you and wanted to tske this person B seiously i would document his actions - everytime you see him do this to you or a friend write it down along with the time and details and responses from the females its good evidence if something really bad happened or to use as proof

    Yeah this sounds like a good idea for the moment, thank you very much 🙏🏾

  • I really don’t get it how some women let themself get treated like this.

    In my case, i have no respect or love for myself. I let guys treat me like trash and guys opinion on me is more important than my own opinion about myself. It all comes down to me hating myself. You can be your own worst enemy.

  • I really hope you don't mean that.

    I know it's easier said then done, but you have to learn how to respect and love yourself. I don't know if something happened to you that make you lose respect for yourself, or if someone made you feel like that in the past... But everyone is worthy and great, every single person.

    You should try to invest your time and energy into relationships with people who treat you with care and respect. If someone disrespects you or makes you feel uncomfortable you have to let them know that is not okay.

    Don't let other people's opinions about you control you. And don’t let anybody force you to be or do anything you don’t want to do or be, simply to gain their approval or friendship.

    And don't speak so badly of yourself, we all have weaknesses, that doesn't define us, nobody's perfect.

    there's nothing that can ever make me love myself. and when i hate myself, it doesn't really bother me when people treat me like trash, because i treat myself as trash because i view myself as trash

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