I read this on pann choa https://pann-choa.blogspot.com…ne-leaving-idols.html?m=1 A girl unstanned her bias and feels guilt that she spent so much money on him.
It's also a common thing for fans to have a crisis after an in-person meet and greet when they get slapped in the face with the fact that they're not in a unique and special relationship with whoever they love most, they're a consumer. Parasocial means a one-sided relationship. Idols are trained to connect with us in a way that makes us feel seen and understood and loved. But it's not real. It's part of their skillset in their career. (That's not to say they are bad, most of them got into this young just wanting to be a popstar, the companies are the cynical ones.) The tagline for K-Pop could be "Show us how much you care! The best fans work hard and give us a lot of money!"
If K-Pop is starting to stress you, here are some ways to preserve your mental health:
- Don't take on stanning as an unpaid job. Your school is more important, your work, friends, family, working towards your own future. Don't let yourself get pressured into throwing away time streaming and voting if you'd rather not. If your fave loses some poll it doesn't matter, they won't even know. If you want to do this stuff but you're busy AF, just participate in ones that really matter like awards show voting. If anyone gets on your back over it block them, they're not worth your time either.
- Don't spend money you can't afford to spend, especially if you get nothing back (sending money to fansites so they can bulk buy albums for themselves). Your faves don't need you to buy 20 albums to prove your love, they're doing more than fine. It's irresponsible that some official fansites require fans to upload receipts of multiple album purchase to get exclusive content or to try and win a place at a fansign. That shouldn't be encouraged by companies, and I think these strategies are a big part of what causes so much upset.
- Don't get brainwashed into hating other idols. It happens insidiously on places like twitter and if you're a decent person it will end up making you feel bad about yourself while achieving nothing else. There's a saying that goes "Hating someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die." It's a waste of your time. The best antidote I found is to expose yourself to the content of whoever is triggering you and get to know them. Interviews, reality shows, music. You don't need to be a fan but it's worth de-programming yourself from hating them.
And enjoy shipping if you like it, but understand that it's your fantasy life only, and you cannot influence who your fave (or fictional arch-nemesis) ends up dating. That's up to them, realistically it won't affect your life.
Also remember that any K-Pop idol could have wound up as your bias if it had been a different day and a different video you landed on. And then you could be hating on your current fave. (So that means in a parallel universe you are
).
Don't sacrifice anything and don't prioritize anyone else over your own mental health and happiness. If K-Pop is making you stressed or sad, pull back and re-calibrate. Though K-Pop has its problems that doesn't mean that you can't find authentic comfort in it, or entertainment, music, looking at hot bodies and cute faces, whatever you're here for. Enjoy your fantasy friend/boyfriend/girlfriend experience. Just make sure it's on your terms, however that works best for you.
(And yes writing essays is fun for me. Especially on Sundays.)
tldr - peer pressure is bad, don't make yourself sick over pop stars
But the really immersed fans probably 
hopefully many people can read it or 
