how do I stop comparing myself to others?

    i’m 22 but i haven’t progressed much in life beyond teenage age,, 🫠 i’ve been anorexic since i was 11 years old and my ED has controlled my whole life,, 😞


    i have jumped into so many toxic relationships but they never lasted more than 3 months because my obsession with my eating disorder and my borderline personality disorder


    all my friends are progressing in life,, my sister is getting married soon and she’s so happy beautiful healthy and in love 🫠


    i began to start resenting her even tho i love her a lot,, because she has everything i want


    but i haven’t progressed, my family look at me like i’m a mistake,, im just a burden who doesn’t get better besides trying and i have no control of my mess of a life so i end up starving myself because food is the only control i have,,


    i’m so weak and sick all the time and i have no energy, i cancel plans constantly,, 🫠🫠 i can’t even get a part time job because of it


    i started getting better and i’m in recovery but my illness is so strong and has hold on me


    how do i stop comparing myself to others? anyone got some tips?

  • AllKill VIP

    one way that works for me is to get into the habit of thinking that we are all different people with different lives, and human beings are so complex, we all have our own path to walk in this life. it's not helpful to compare the trajectory of your life to anyone else's, they may not have faced the struggle that you have, and you need to remind yourself that you're going at your pace and that's completely fine, because it's your life to live, and not for those who expect you to be a certain way.


    and i'm so sorry you're going through all of this, but please don't believe it's your fault, you aren't a burden and not everyone moves through life that quickly. you're still so young and it's normal to not have all of your life "together", you don't need to feel the pressure to be married or even have a stable relationship at this age.


    i'm sorry that your family in any way have made you feel like you're a burden, because you are not. you're a lovely and compassionate person who like many of us are dealing with something bigger than ourselves.


    eating disorders and bpd are mental health disorders and you're not alone in suffering from this, it's not a choice and i hope you can continue your recovery but don't feel guilty if relapses happen because it's usual in the long process of ED recovery.


    also, my dm's are open for you if you ever want to talk or vent, i'm here to listen to you <3<3

    you’re such a nice person kitty thank u 🥲🥲 i will message u soon,,

    Quote from HwaGoose

    I can kind of relate to this thing about feeling like I haven't progressed in life.

    And I do find it difficult to not compare myself to others.


    Now I think of it, Stray Kids' song called "My Pace" is about the same thing.

    it’s so hard,, i feel like such a useless loser but really im trying to change this mindset. i hope same for u too.


    I will listen to that song now 😻😻

  • AllKill VIP

    I’m genuinely sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging time. It takes an immense amount of courage to acknowledge and share your struggles, and I applaud you for taking steps towards recovery.

    Comparing yourself to others, especially when you feel like you’re not progressing as quickly as those around you, can be incredibly tough.


    To stop comparing yourself to others, it's essential to recognize when you're making these comparisons. Understand that constantly measuring yourself against others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy. Instead, focus on your unique journey and set personal goals based on what you want to achieve, not what others have accomplished. Consider limiting your exposure to social media, as it often fuels these comparisons.


    Take time to celebrate your own achievements regularly, regardless of how small they may seem. Cultivate a sense of gratitude for what you have in your life. Being mindful and staying present can help you avoid getting lost in thoughts of what others are doing.


    Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you struggle with these feelings of inadequacy. They can provide guidance and offer a different perspective. Additionally, work on boosting your self-esteem and self-acceptance to build a stronger sense of self-worth.


    Learn from comparisons, viewing them as opportunities to gain insights rather than feelings of inferiority. Finally, practice self-compassion and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. Remember that breaking the habit of comparing yourself to others takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself as you work on self-acceptance and self-love.

    Don't compare yourself to others...


    Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid


    focus on yourself first and foremost - work on those issues you have to place yourself in the best position you can

    hmm I will start by replying to the thread question write down your strength and skills what are you good at even if it's something small like being able to hold your breath for like a minute. whenever you start comparing yourself to others go back to that page and re-read it. Maybe that might help you with your self esteem. like a lot of people in thread have already stated start slowly, maybe take on some new hobbies they might help a lot. Remember you are one of a kind and everyone is made different just like you compare yourself to other people, those people may compare themselves to others. I hope you the best.

    I really want to give you a honest answer that is going to be helpful, but I've gotta go to sleep now, so I will reply tomorrow... I won't forget this thread, okay? :thumbs-up:

    ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･｡ ﾟ ꒰ঌ 🪼✦🌊໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ⋆｡ I just wanna continue my pace ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･｡ ﾟ ꒰ঌ 🪼✦🌊໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ⋆｡

    ✮

    Honestly sometimes (speaking from personal experience) the thoughts of comparison never go away. For me it hasn't, but that doesn't mean you can't learn to cope with those thoughts and feelings. I compare my body and face to other girls which makes me want to change my appearance a lot or lose weight quickly, I think honestly I had to learn to stop looking at other people with envy in my heart, we're all on different journeys in life, and just because your sister is getting married doesn't mean you won't get married too someday.


    Envy and jealously will only make the self hatred and comparison worse. Now I look at other pretty girls and just say, hey their pretty, but I'm also pretty. So I don't need to feel shame or sadness in my heart anymore. It wasn't a quick change though. Healing and changing take a long time, it's a journey for a reason.


    Your still 22, that's still young, I'm 17 and I feel stunted in life too sometimes. But your still at the start of your life, no need to rush. I also have BPD and navigating life with it is very difficult, the best thing for me I found was just to go to therapy and learn how to cope with my symptoms. If you family look at you as a failure, just know you are not. You are strong and you are capable of whatever you dream for or desire. Sometimes it just takes us all different lengths to get where we wanna get. Slow progress is still progress and something to be deeply proud of.

    I can relate. I am 25 and nowhere near where I want to be. I am a jobless immigrant, with no career, struggling with mental illnesses, broke AF no savings. And it's hard. But you have to remember some things.


    First off you and I have mental illness and that heavily impacts the road that we walk, someone who doesn't deal with the shit we deal with will have an easier time. I would be way more productive if my brain wasn't working against me all the time. If I could afford therapy.


    Second everybody walks different paths, none of our paths are the same. Some people my age are married with kids and are thriving in their careers. Comparing yourself does nothing.


    Third the only person you need to compare yourself with is YOU. That's it.

  • AllKill VIP

    Tbh, comparing yourself with others will never goes away, believe me, I'm 30 and still have those moments when I see someone skinny, I feel sorry for myself. It takes a lot of positive thoughts and courage to actually acknowledge it to yourself that every person is different. This is actually the reason why i minimize going on social media, cuz I can't help comparing. I always focus on things that are healthy for my mental health.


    It’s also worth remembering that we often only see the best of other people, especially the ones on social media. It’s easy to think that they’re completely together when we only have a one dimensional view of them.


    Instead of focusing on what other people have or are, turn that focus inward. What do have? What are you proud of? And what do you value? Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.

    I SAY FUCK IT WHEN I FEEL IT CUZ NO ONE KEEP ON TALLY I DO WHAT I WANT WITH WHO I LIKE

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    I'm 36, and trust me, my life isn't better than yours. I have one dog, and that's all, basically. I've had toxic relationships, but now I don't have any, I'm all good alone. I'm working almost every day for 12 hours at least. My sister is 7 years younger, married and having 3 kids. Almost everyone in my circle is married and having kids. You're just 22, you don't need to worry about things like that. Trust me, even if people say they're happy, there are always problems. Happiness doesn't last forever. I know it's not encouraging, but there's no simple cure for your problems. The only thing you could do is find a hobby, find better friends if they're not good enough, and try to ignore the toxicity in your life. When I was younger, I cared too much about what people said about me.


    The first thing you should do, in my opinion, is: Stop looking for new love relationships. That won't help you, because the perfect guy only exists in Kdramas. If you don't put yourself first, you're going to be the last forever. You don't need to care about your family or other people around you. Especially if they don't support you. I know it's harsh to say this, but I don't really have a nice, supporting family either, everyone is living in their own bubble, and they're like people from the Middle Ages. They don't like to talk about important things. IF you don't have anyone who you can talk about serious things, you should get medical help, before it's escalating. I'm talking about your mental health because that's affect your ED too. That's the reason you have ED in the first place, probably.


    For the record, no one can stop comparing themselves to others. That's a basic human nature. What you should learn is that just because they look much happier and healthier than you, doesn't mean they are. I'm pretty sure everyone did that in their life. At least I did it, sometimes, I'm still doing it. I always thought the other person has a better life, and later it turns out it wasn't true at all.


    So, in short:


    1. Ignore everyone else, and start to care about yourself. It's not going to happen overnight, it's a long process, and if you don't have a support system, you need medical help.

    2. Don't seek for relationships, especially love relationship. If you don't love yourself, no one will. If you love yourself, you will still meet idiots, and toxic people, but they won't affect you that much.

    3. You don't have a real job, but there's one thing you can do. Go outside and walk every day for at least 2 hours, and listen to music. If you can find a quiet place somewhere, go there, sit and just enjoy life.


    Also, it doesn't matter if you can draw/paint or not, but for me painting/drawing helped a lot, because I forgot my problems for hours.


    The LAST thing you should do is use social media. Too much toxicity and that won't help either, so use it less every day.


    That's all, basically. I hope it will help, but like I said, it's not a universal solution.


    It's hard sometimes, but I try to remind myself that everyone's journey is different and that comparing myself to others doesn't help me feel good about myself. Instead, I focus on my own progress and celebrate my own achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

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