Racism or not?

Quote from Jenchulichaengbp

I just cant be friend with one without thinking that in their heads They think They Are the best. Which in most cases Are like this. And bc of Asian fetish They have, They Are willing to give me that chance to become their friend so no thx and most of the cases redflags

You can’t be friends with someone who thinks like me?

Or

I’m confused😅

Quote from ZestyMochi

The important part is to check yourself for implicit bias which means bias that you may not realize you have. An example would be a kpop stan constantly discounting sales from certain countries. Now that may seem like the kpop stan is just a petty hater but there may be implicit bias at play because they may feel a certain a way about people in that country and thus their words feel charged with racism. So just read over your work and look for anything that may feel opinionated and ask yourself why did you add that? You want to remain as factual and neutral as possible so stick with statics and quote Korean sources as much as possible. Its inevitable that opinions will bleed through but as long as your in tune with that I think you'll be fine.

The thing is that I heard from koreans (just to stay in kpop) that they can’t write what they want in their media. So it is not necessarily always neutral or factual.

But I get what you are saying.

I’ve seen a lot of people being opinionated towards white/western and it’s hard in a way not to try and explain or defend even though it has nothing to do with me and because white people have been and still are oppressing people of color (and everyone non white).

i think my take from this is being less opinionated which is like crazy for me lol and remain silent when others attack whites in general. Just for the reason mentioned here😊.

Quote from selfmate

this is something I do a lot as well

I will always try to seek a clearer understanding of something by asking a lot of questions...trying to understand the other person and their intentions/meaning/perspective

especially on the internet where English might not be a person's first language coupled with the fact that we lose all the non-verbal methods of communication makes it all that much harder to convey our message across

I notice the respons when you ask questions but also know a little bit of Chinese language or customs that people feel you are appreciative and you “see” them.

But I can also see in general how weary they are about whites in general

Quote from the101

I am a bipoc. I’d offer three points of advice here:

1. I don’t think opinions/words are worse because it comes from a white person. BUT I do think there is a tendency to talk over bipoc. If someone voices that something makes them uncomfortable or that it comes across as racist, when the bipoc person explains why it’s problematic, they’re accused of being too sensitive and/or other white people rush in to invalidate their feelings. (And tbf, they’re not obligated to explain to you why it’s problematic. I get that people get exhausted having to explain everything, particularly when people demonstrate they don’t really care or it’s something they don’t want to hear. I myself have wondered why I bother here several times when people just didn’t want to hear what was said. I have my own privilege as a mixed person, but I understand why people are tired.)

I don’t expect every person to know the racist history of everything, but if someone points out to you something is problematic, how hard is it to go “oh wow I didn’t know, thank you” and not do it again instead of doubling down on how you’re not racist (usually by pointing out something extreme like you didn’t use a racial slur as if most bipoc don’t suffer a hundred million racist micro aggressions every day that don’t usually include a racist slur.)

This gets to my other point, there’s usually a context there that you may be missing, particularly on something that seems innocuous.

Example

In the US, “boy” was used as a dismissive term for Black men. A white person might say something like “Boy, get my coat” to a 63 year old Black man, for instance. It is a legacy out of slavery and a way to belittle and degrade someone although it was used so frequently and unconsciously that many whites thought nothing of using it and would probably be shocked that it’s racist. This was pretty common language in parts of the country well into the 70s and still can be in use dependent on where you are and how they want you to feel. “Boy” is often also used as a menacing threat, a promise,, of impending violence: “Boy, you seem like you’re in the wrong town” (which implies you are about to be hunted down and lynched. I’m not exaggerating here, this was and still is a real and common situation in certain parts of this country.)

Now if you are from Belgium or Serbia, maybe you don’t know this history, so you refer to a 20 year old Black man as “that boy was helping me.” You are 36 and he is younger so to your mind he’s a boy. You are not trying to demean him, you just think he’s a baby to your eye. BUT because you are white and there is that legacy of the word being used that way by white people, people become offended.

Again, I don’t expect you to know the full terrible weight of the word in the US, but when someone says “oh hey hey”, simply say “OMG I didn’t know and didn’t mean it that way. Oh! Thank you for telling me!” Rather than trying to invalidate their experiences or feelings with a “it’s not that big of a deal”, “people are so sensitive,” “how was I supposed to know your stupid history,” “group X had y too” or “I’m not racist.”

2. Tone and superiority. I agree with Jasque above - any time someone comes from an angle of we’re better than this or this is better than that. “Why do these people do that thing?”

If I say, “people who put mayonnaise on sandwiches are disgusting. I’m civilized and only use mustard.” But you swap those condiments for someone’s cultural food - when there is a legacy of them being restricted or discriminated against by what they wear, eat or do - this is what we’re talking about (see first point about not invalidating). Now if I say “ewww..I don’t do mayonnaise. Team mustard all the way!” Do you see how those are different statements but both still conveying that I think mayo is gross? I may not be interested in mayo, but I’m also not putting down someone’s culture or setting myself up as superior. Additionally, there is not a legacy of racial bias around mayonnaise tbf, like there is with so many ethnic foods.

(Also in this lane is stuff like a group is “only popular in Asia” or the dismissal of SEA or Chinese buyers as consumers. There’s an implicit bias here in this statement that European/American/Canadian is somehow better.)

3. What was acceptable shifts as the culture shifts. There’s a tendency to complain about political correctness, blah blah, instead of again, listening to what people say. I find it cringe to see pix of my mom in her Pocahontas costume in the 80s but at the time, a lot of people didn’t see it as a problem. (It was still a problem, lbh, but I’m trying to make the point that just because it “used to be ok”, it probably actually wasn’t then, but we just have more awareness now.) Having a football team named the R**skins was racist af then, but now more people recognize it as such. It was always racist.

Last thing: you asked about internalized racism. Again I’ll take the POV of Black culture because it’s what I know best - it’s the idea of “good hair.” “Good hair” is usually straighter and/or longer hair that is more loosely curled. People will tell you that you have “good hair.” (I’ve been told since I was little by people that I have good hair OR been asked why I don’t straighten it, which are two sides of the same internalized racism coin.) The term alone implies that more textured hair is “bad hair” and is rooted in history dating back to slavery. It also ties into European beauty standards, which continue to dominate the view of beauty in the US. However, by calling one type of more European-style hair “good hair” is very much internalized racism. People aren’t using the term to be racist and may not even know there’s a racist element to it. (There’s a whole movement in reclaiming hair textures and natural, non-straightened hair, but this is the first example I can think of.) Colorism within the community is another form of internalized racism.

One more note on hair and racist microagressions: white people continually want to touch my hair, which is weird because they don’t want to touch other white people’s hair. (1. Gross. Why? It’s just curly hair. 2. As I often point out to them, I add oil to make it shiny and healthy, so if you touch my hair, you’re about to get your hands moisturized. And yet, this doesn’t stop people.) When they do touch the hair, they are shocked it’s soft. Which just..I..

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thank you for this detailed answer .

I have seen what you are describing about bipoc feelings not being validated.

There is a tendency to try to whitesplain a lot of bipoc concerns - like “well I’m not racist but…” instead of trying to listen to your feelings. I have also seen white people being attacked by white people for not sticking up for “your people”, where I don’t want to agree with someone based on color. But I can see why poc will unite when being attacked by white people.

Regarding the food - the mayo comment is a fine explanation . I’ve heard ppl saying some of our candy being disgusting but as I am not subject to racism.

Imo a lot of white ppl don’t see the problem with CA. Like why is it a problem if no one is hurt. And they (we) often fail to understand why it is a problem and to not fully have a dialogue about it. Again not validating feelings.

We take it so personal but yet we often fail to understand why bipoc take it personal. Main difference is what is happening still and that there is so much racism - especially in the US and Europe.

Btw hair - I have scandinavian fine hair. No one wants that .

I can see why white ppl want to touch hair but I can tell you a lot want to touch white kids hair so it’s annoying for all - just don’t touch anyone elses hair lmao.

I think it is categorized as racism even if it happened in another time. Even if its with good intentions. But one is allowed to apologize for not knowing better.

I think it’s natural to defend yourself if you are attacked but I see a lot of white people thinking it’s a right - but not willing to “share” that same right when the situation is reverse.