"You said go slow-- I fall behind"
-- from "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper
They were together all of time. Yet when Christmas came, they both felt the loneliness and crippling melancholy of the season. She had undergone a more fundamental change, that the arc of her life had been altered. Oftentimes she saw that final shot of him going into a van and leaving her standing alone, with no direction but home. Maybe he will come back by summer. But she gasped at the seriousness of what Jungkook was doing. Yet him being driven away didn't have to build up the idea of punishment, it was just clear from how she felt and how her life had changed since.
Be it intuition, it was clear to her that she could never rid herself of that self-consciousness that he had given to her when he left-- which made her see herself out of the corner of her eyes at every turn in life when nobody was around. He inhabited a different world in her life. And many youthful dreams were born from the gentle sadness of those evenings far removed from this world for her. Dear God, she prayed to herself, how could I know that you only ever see the best things in life out of the corner of your eyes?
