Advice on how to regain a friendship with my ex-best friend?

So, idk if I should post this here but I really don’t know where to go. I’ve been spending the last few days crying abt this and it’s so embarrassing to admit but I just need a real solution and not feel like I’m completely alone.

So, back in November I got into a fight with my best friend because I asked why he was being so distant and it turned into a whole argument, him saying that I’m “back on my bs” saying he can’t trust me and that he doesn’t need me. After this I did some stuff that was bad and I’ll admit that but I wasn’t mentally ok at all at the time and this isn’t me excusing myself but me saying that I’m not like that anymore. I jumped into the friendship too soon before healing from a previous thing I was traumatized by. I loved being friends with him so much and he was so good to me. I want to fix things but he’s still so angry with me and is taking things so much out of proportion. I don’t want to give up, as he was an amazing friend and I feel like we could be able to reconcile if he just listened to me.

I’ve taken the time since our fight to recover as I should have before and learn the error of my ways and fix things within myself. I miss my friendship so much and I miss my personality. I feel so empty ever since then and I want to use my new mentality and healthiness to fix things and get back what I lost because of my selfishness. What should I do?

Quote from senku

show him this and apologize i guess

I tried to apologize so many times but he just says he doesn’t care

Quote from senku

well if he's not ready then probably should just give him time. can't be mad forever

trust me, he can definitely be mad forever if he wants too. whenever we have an argument, im always the one to come back and apologize and try to fix things first. i dont see him getting over this if it doesnt involve me talking to him like actually talking andworking things out. i think its also important to add we dont live in the same area. i miss him dearly and everyone tells me to give up or wait for him to come back and everything first and i feel like the conflict is too stupid and unimportant to "give up" on a whole friendship. like seriously i do NOT do that. and i also know hes not gonna be the one to come back on his own. if hes mad, he stays mad and holds a huge grudge for as long as possible.

Quote from scottykins

trust me, he can definitely be mad forever if he wants too. whenever we have an argument, im always the one to come back and apologize and try to fix things first. i dont see him getting over this if it doesnt involve me talking to him like actually talking andworking things out. i think its also important to add we dont live in the same area. i miss him dearly and everyone tells me to give up or wait for him to come back and everything first and i feel like the conflict is too stupid and unimportant to "give up" on a whole friendship. like seriously i do NOT do that. and i also know hes not gonna be the one to come back on his own. if hes mad, he stays mad and holds a huge grudge for as long as possible.

and even tho we fought a lot, i never found him toxic. ive been through what hes going through and i know how hard it is to break that cycle. like come on it took me 5 years to break my own lol. but in a way i kind of miss those things. i used to be like "oh i cant stand him how did i stay there when we fought so much?" but now idk ofc i dont WANT to fight but i appreciated it because it felt like our friendship was growing from it.

Quote from senku

i admire that spirit. how about you try and do something nice for him? like a peace offering

of course! do you have any suggestions? he has me blocked on everything so its hard to reach out and actually talk or "offer" anything but i for sure wanna try!

Quote from keyboardwarrior7

Gonna be honest, if what you did is really as bad as you say, then there isn't much advice I can give other than apologize.

It's up to him whether he accepts that apology or not.

he wont even listen to my apology :(( i know there must be something i can do

Quote from senku

i'm not sure how far you guys are apart geographically but i was thinking food. everybody loves food. might even mean more if you make it yourself. you probably know his favorite dish i assume. if not that then just buy him something he likes and maybe have it sent to his place if he has you blocked online

hes thrown my packages away whenever he recieves one when were fighting, but i could try sending things he likes i know he likes noodles lolol he used to make them all the time idk if he still does but it was so funny

Quote from senku

geez this guy's somethin else huh? i wouldn't pass up ramen even if i was pissed at someone lol

i think he has an ok reason to be upset but not so bad that we should never talk again. i miss him so much but idk how to reach out without getting my friends or even his friends involved in this petty stupid conflict.

Quote from scottykins

i think he has an ok reason to be upset but not so bad that we should never talk again. i miss him so much but idk how to reach out without getting my friends or even his friends involved in this petty stupid conflict.

theres also the stress and fear inside me abt becoming friends again and things not being the same or being replaced. i mean, ofc things wont be the same at first we havent had a friendly convo since november, but i dont want it to be like things are NEVER the same ever again and theres always gonna be that atmosphere of just not being able to forgive or move on ive had my fair share of horrible horrible friendships and i dont want this to be another one. ive never felt so connected to a friend so much in my life!

but it also seems like whenever we argue he doesnt try to solve it, more like just block me and delete everything like its the end every time. i really dislike that kinda thing but i dont know how or if i even should talk to him abt it if things work out. i dont want it to spark another argument bc i want to prove to him that things will change and that im not the stupid b****y mentally exhausted ahole from before.

Quote from ripia

I know you won't want to hear this.

But move on, I've been in your situation and it sucks, probably some reverse psychology will do better if you want him back that badly anyway.

But if he won't come to the table he's not worth it.

Life is too short to spend time with people who don't value you the same as you do.

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he really did value me before, though, which is one of the reasons i want to come back so badly. ive never felt so liked in a friendship like with my bestie :'). and what do you mean by reverse psychology?

Quote from ripia

Ah nvm.. take alexS advice and see a professional counselor

ahh.. i feel like that isnt an option for me lol thats my parents decision for me and ive tried before to get into it but im just on my own with that kinda stuff..

back when we stopped being friends, i really was so mad abt it i was so frustrated at how he could just throw our friendship away so easily but after taking time to understand myself more, i think it helped me understand him more too. i think with that mindset i can fix things up.

we have a lot of stuff in common and i feel so happy having someone to talk to abt everything with when usually itd be like.. idek 10 PEOPLE to have all my interests able to be talked abt. having someone that could get me into new stuff and also talk abt stuff we both love and never get bored is so fun. he always particpated in what i liked and i tried to encourage him to show me stuff he liked, he thought he was too boring but i loved and still love all the things he showed me that he liked.