My good friend asked me to take our friendship to the next level but...

  • I'm not ready to start anything yet. Don't get me wrong, I have interest in him and he knows 😆


    But I want it to be someday, I just don't want to be now...and I don't know how to tell him it.


    I don't know the first thing about being in a romantic relationship and I'm too afraid of messing up and ending things way too quickly. And I've also never been in a relationship with kissing or holding hands with a non-relative...really, none of that stuff.


    I see him tomorrow and I feel regardless of what I say, things are going to be pretty awkward between us.


    I also don't want to feel that emotional rollercoaster that comes with a relationship...at least, not until I'm ready. Call me coward but I don't know if I'd be emotionally able to handle arguments or a break up. I don't even know what I look for in a partner because I've truly never thought about it. My goal was kind of to get through high school without a relationship outside of a friendship but with him, I REALLY don't know.


    It's because I was always taught to focus on my studies and to avoid a romantic relationship in general. I also was always self conscious and didn't think there were people out there that actually found me "attractive" per se.


    In short, my dilemma is my close friends that we share mutual feelings for asked me to take our friendship to the "next level" but I'm simply not ready. I'm nervous to tell him for the fear that it could be super awkward for us and that his feelings could be hurt. And I do have an interest in him but I want to take it slower, I'm not ready.


    I need help! ;(

    ღ Happy Birthday / 10.18.2005 ღ

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  • oh but i do know one thing: if it feels right, and if its a risk you think its worth taking i say go for it.

  • also, there's nothing wrong with wanting to take things slowly, and if he cares, he'll respect that and walk with you. im sure he doesn't want you to be uncomfortable either.

  • I'm on the next level

    And I've also never been in a relationship with kissing or holding hands with a non-relative

    I really hope that the non-relative part is referring to the holding hands and not the kissing!!!



    ok jokes aside


    1. as I was saying to zuzu - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

    2. tell the person exactly how you feel - if you are nervous and have never been in a relationship it's ok to be nervous and anxious and scared and all that kind of emotions... hell if you've been in a 100 relationships it's still ok to feel that way...I've always said communication is key and it's important to discuss it with your partner or SO or whatever...

    3. you said that you wanted to take it slow...ask yourself exactly that that means...


    my fav quote is know thyself know thy enemy 100 battles 100 victories


    the first part of the quote is knowing yourself and what you want first and foremost...think carefully about your choices and how it affects you, your family, him, your friends etc etc...

    eg. if you ask to take it slowly but he doesn't and he gets with another person who would that make you feel?

  • Well NGL I wish I had a relationship during the teenage years just so I can have that experience so I can better brace myself for the future at an age where it's time to be pretty serious.


    BUT the Asian in me is wanting to tell you that if it's going to impact your studies I don't think it's worth it at this stage. There will be college in which case grades won't matter too much :)

  • bad timing means pretty much it wont ever happen again


    thats how it is with love


    if both dont feel it at the same time, its doomed


    maybe you'll be able to salvage your friendship but either way, you need to reject him straight up


    dont keep it hanging or it will lead to bigger problems later


    and unless the guy is really desperate, he'll probably move on sooner or later

    u r m o m g a y

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  • If you're truly not ready, then you just have to tell him that. If he's truly a good friend, he'll understand.


    However, make sure that's actually the case. I'd hate to have you look back at this and regret not trying at least.


    Especially if you do have feelings for him, it may be worth giving it a try. You don't know how it'll end up, so why worry about the arguments or the breakups before they happen.


    If you worry about things that haven't happened yet, you'll never get to do anything in life.

    I left my heart in LA again. Please continue taking good care of it.

  • I understand you as this has happened to me before, give or take a few details.


    But the best advice I could give you is tell him the things that you wrote here. Tell him that you have an interest in him but you're not ready for a proper relationship yet. If he doesn't respect that then maybe he isn't worth being in a relationship with anyway. It's okay to stay friends and see how things go.


    If your feelings change then don't let your academic matters get in the way of having a relationship with someone that you truly like. There's nothing wrong with taking it slow, so trust yourself. :borahae:

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