(TW: mention of bullying, sexual assault and abuse) Do you think that it is important to forgive others?

Quote from HwaGoose

like if someone was mean to you, treated you like trash etc... in the past, that you should forgive them?

I feel like for me to is difficult to forgive, even though I have been taught that if someone does you wrong then you should forgive them.

Like I was bullied by classmates like a decade ago, and I have a hard time forgiving them and I also sometimes want to avoid my some of my former classmates (even the ones who weren't bullying me, but I am getting bad memories by seeing them)

Even I had been thinking sometimes: "They were only children/teens, when they bullied me and have probably matured since then"

A few days ago, I was somewhere and one of my classmate's names was mentioned (because she is a kinda famous soccer player in my country)

She didn't bully me (or I don't think so) but I had a flashback to when she was doing something to me, which made me feel so uncomfortable. (I don't feel like it was sexual assault, but I still felt uncomfortable)

I don't want her to get cancelled or lose her career as soccer player though.

I have so many bad memories about her, but then I remember the fact that she once tried to save me from drowning in a swimming pool.

So instead of having bad memories about a person or school or something, I feel like I should probably focus more on the good things that a person has done for me. (or at least that would have a good effect on my mental health)

Or that's a thing that I would do. I don't feel like I would give that advice to someone who has been a victim of abuse or something like that.

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I got bullied A LOT in elementary school, like, it was awful, my whole class which was around 28 kids bullied me together and I didn't have the courage to say anything since they manipulated me into thinking awful stuff. Like, there was this one girl who was literally a psychopath (She enjoyed hurting and killing animals and hurting kids) and she turned into my biggest nightmare. Other girls (boys also participated) who were my friends also actively participated in the bullying. But they would also be nice to me and give things to me, in order to keep me quiet. Some also sexually assaulted me (but it wasn't like rape or something, stuff like forcing me to kiss people)

I will NEVER EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE forgive them, they're awful and deserve to

Honestly, I've been bullied most of my life, mostly in middle school, and I've been harassed by teachers as well. I do think forgiveness is important but sometimes some people don't deserve to be forgiven. There are a lot of people in my life I don't think I'll ever forgive because they ruined my life. Forgive the people you want to, but it's not important to. Sometimes all you can do is heal and move on.

You should focus on what make you feel better, what makes your mental health better. If forgiving them will make you feel better then try to forgive them, but if forgiving them will make you feel worse then you're under no obligation to forgive people who treated you badly. And if seeing certain people brings back bad memories even though they weren't the ones who bullied you then it's totally okay to avoid them. You don't have to put yourself in a bad place mentally on the off chance that you offend them by avoiding them.

I moved around a lot because my parents are split, I was bullied in a lot of schools I went to, although maybe not to the amount you mentioned, before I decided to get off social media (Instagram in particular),

I talked with a therapist and decided to message the one girl who was nice to me, who is pursuing the career of a singer. I apologized firstly for the message for the first time in years, and said thank you from saving Girl A from bullying me to harshly and wished her well and to stay healthy as a country singer.

It took a lot of self acceptance to say the least and help from my support and friends.

Moving on and forgiving takes a lot more courage then what people tend to think, as someone working on my own mental health and personal connections with people irl, I feel like in order to move on we have to accept certain things and know what was done to us was not normal, nor was it our fault. But we shouldn't let it get in our way of our growth either.

But with that said, I haven't forgiven the people who would lock me in / turn off the lights in the schools bathroom or have online bullied me. And I have come to terms with that.

Please don't feel bad, or feel like you have to forgive. Doing what's best for you, and knowing your on a path of self acceptance and looking forward to your future is the best thing, whatever that maybe.

You got this. 💚

everyone is different and handle bullying differently

I was bullied in primary (elementary) school - for that it made me more resilient for others it can cause them a lifetime of distrust/mental issues etc etc

there is never one answer to fit all...for every person telling you to forgive there will be two to tell you to not (and vice versa)

you know your situation the best and the experiences you went through we cannot - no two instances of bullying are the same...