I dont consider myself kpop fan anymore but, being kpop fan been part of my life for long time, I started being kpop fan around time boa and tvxq were considered rookies so yeah been long time.
I stopped being invested in kpop around time kris left exo, I am still on Twitter so from time to time being anime fan I still come into contact with kpop news, so I did see crush incident and to say least I am not supprised but something happened to me yesterday, and as usual cuz I dont have real frineds and I dont talk to my family. And I dont have anywhere to talk to people in general but online I want to tell you guys about it, to get it out my chest cuz it hurt me.
I am dentist, I graduated recently and cuz I am depressed I thought if I helped people it would help me feel better, so I went into something like community service for rural places that dont have easy access to medical care, and cuz I was the only one graduated they put me on charge, I am black but not american, I am egyptian nubian, so I am black Egyptian in arab majority country while indegious minorities like nubians who are africans, so we look different then rest egyptian population, anyway So after I finish and we ready to leave I was walking to the bus and one of the local kids saw me and said in arabic " I seek refuge of allah from satan", I didnt react and just ignore it, but while on bus I thought why would he say that then it hit me that it was night time and I am black and he living in rural area propabitly never saw black person before.
Remeber I am already depressed have low self steem, went into this to try and help people but then this happened.
I am tired mentally, depressed, this may sound weird but it exhausting, I am fighting my own negative thoughts and I feel like I am lossing.