DISCLAIMER: LONG
Hi, i'm new to the forum so I've decided to post about this existential crisis that I've been dealing with for many years now.
With the rise of Kpop; Asian culture, appreciation and appropriation has spread enormously. This momentous have triggered something inside me that I've always tried to ignore it , and it makes me question my identity.
So, my great grandfather (dad's side) was a fully chinese immigrant that moved to my native country in LatinAmerica, escaping the beginning of the first world war in 1914. Once he moved here, he got married with a latina really fast (i don't have certain information if my great grandmother was east asian also), so it could be easier for him to get my native country's nationality. So basically he gave up his chinese nationality and name, and he chose the most common last name in the country so he could blend easily. He came from a family with quite a big fortune so he lived like a rich person until later in life, his siblings ruined it.
I never got to met neither my grandpa or my great-grandpa from my dad's side cause they passed away before I was born.
My father have a really BIG family, a LOT of siblings and cousins but his family isn't super close with their cousins.
My dad was never raised with chinese culture, but has always considered himself chinese (because we have chinese blood) also he has the distinguished features of my great grandfather (we have a photography of him).
From the lack of information about this situation, it looks like there was a big fight between my great grandfather and his siblings about the management of properties and money ending with my great grandfather separating himself from his siblings which somehow lead to my dad not having pure knowledge of the chinese culture.
Growing up my facial features never concerned me cause in my head everybody is equal. Even when my mom's family (they're spanish and latinos) brought up the difference of looks between me, my older brother and my father. My brother also has my great grandpa's features.
Until a few years ago, my dad's side of the family decided to meet for the first time in 40+ years and we noticed that my dad's cousins did grew up with chinese culture and language... we can't understand what happened... It hurts. They brought up the topic of our last names and how they tried to recover our original chinese last name, like, they even went to China but was too complicated because we had to travel and change so many documents so they just stopped.
Now, recently with Kpop, I started seen more and more east asian representation on the western media. So inevitably I started comparing myself.
I don't look fully westernized or fully asian. When I tried to copy this youtube makeup tutorials from this white creators, my eye shape or my lid space was never big enough or round enough, my mouth wasn't long enough, my cheekbones are different to kim kardashian's cheekbones.
Also growing i liked learning through youtube videos about different cultures specially asian, but never went deep enough because it frustrated me that I couldn't be part of it because we were never taught about it. I've been wanting to learn cantonese for some time but idk.
I want my chinese last name back, i wish I grew up differently.
I've asked my dad many MANY times before if we were chinese and he always said yes, proudly yes.
Now with this situation of completely non asians/ without asian or at least east asian descendants wanting to be kpop trainees. It's funny but it made me realize. What am I? Because I have chinese blood but my last name is hispanic and my story is too complicated. I've referred myself as part asian or asian before,cause my dad does it. But ¿Can I consider myself, asian? ¿Does the term "part asian" is acceptable? ¿Am I been offensive? ¿Do i belong or not?
Sorry if it's too long. Please be nice and have a good life. 
