should i go on this date?

UPDATE:

we called yesterday and video called today for over 3 hours. It was amazing but there are also other personal complications, but then he also messaged me to say "this is your reminder you're pretty"?!?!?!?!!!???? (and now he wants me to come over spring break). i'm scared he's gonna pull that ghosting shit again though even though it seems unlikely.

any changed opinions? selfmate  horizonshard  @zuzuhhaa  xx-jenn-xx  the101  @keaji

so me and this guy "dated" for about a month (i was on campus and he was in my hometown) and though we were into each other, he never really texted me. this dude was the reason why i had a Twice- Perfect World sig. anyways about two weeks ago he "broke up" with me and we both agreed it was for the best. he said he wasn't ready for a committed relationship and i respected that.

recently though he texted me and apologized for ignoring me and explained it was because of stress, and that he'd like me to come over (this Sunday actually) and we can hang out. he said that he's been doing some thinking and he actually does want a committed relationship and he just wants to test the waters first.

but for some reason thinking about going over to his house, even as a friend, just makes me so nervous. like, sick to my stomach nervous. like, i like him, but my anxiety is through the roof.

basically the date consists of me and him at his house, gaming. which already freaks me the fuck out bc i'm better at PC gaming and he has a console. but i mean it's a calm and nice idea ig.

i made him aware of this and laid all the cards out on the table, i told him all of my fears about hanging out (whether he still thinks i'm attractive, whether his parents would like me, what we would do, etc.) and he comforted me but i'm still super fucking nervous.

he says he understands if i don't want to but i feel really bad. my friends are saying don't do it bc he already went through a period of ignoring me whenever he's stressed and it could happen again. though at the same time he's a good guy and i don't want to leave him hanging.

also i know this is super shallow but i'm not 100% sure he looks the exact same as he used to so i don't want to get trapped in a relationship with someone i may not be physically attracted to. like it will be awkward as hell if i go over there, even as a friend, and have that situation occur. though none of this may really matter because my late bf set standards that he may not be able to live up to. but i don't want to miss out on what could be a good time.

so should i say yes or not? i'm genuinely caught in the middle.

the way this'll flop bc it's in the lounge.

Quote from zuzuhhaa

anyway, here's my take because ive sort of been in a similar spot before.

take the chance but don't get your hopes up.

if you end up disappointed again, you'll feel like shit. so just mentally prepare for the worst imo.

you can let loose, but a little bit of caution never hurts.

most importantly, just be you and have fun. if he's still into you after your conversations, you shouldn't worry about anything.

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Quote from horizonshard

I would say yes.

You don't need to commit to anything or be trapped in anything to try things out.

Sounds like you both want to explore the idea of each other being together, so why not try?

If it doesn't work out, then oh well.

It's better to try and know, than to always wonder what could have been.

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ahhhh ok maybe i should.

i'm so fucking nervous though omg.

Quote from selfmate

roll a d6???

123 yes

456 no

??? lol

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not me rolling a 2 and 3

Quote from zuzuhhaa

ykw, if i wasn't half as straight as i am. i most definitely would've been into you.

you're just a really likeable person. be confident.

i'll try. i just can't forget how shitty he made me feel when he ignored me, but if he's really gonna change, that's good.

also ilysm!

Quote from the101

Hmm. I’m hesitant here - could it not be a coffee date or something first in a neutral space? A question I would have for him is what types of ways does he have now to work through his stress now as I’m rather with your friends here that when the going gets tough, there might be the same behavior. I would say to be cautious with your heart here..

my thoughts exactly.

me and him aren't coffee date kind of people so chilling at his house would be way less stressful than a date like that (even though this is absolutely doing a number on me, i feel very sick).

if we do go through with it i'm gonna ask him beforehand if he has the intentions of developing better coping mechanisms for his issues.

and i'm definitely gonna be cautious with my heart here.

social pressure is just so fucking immense.

Quote from the101

Could you do a video date or would that also be too stressful? I've done that with people when I was traveling for work or they were, where we'd both turn on our cameras and have a meal "together" and chit chat. One time we even watched a movie together when the guy was stuck in a hotel for weeks on a big project and missing people time. I know it sounds kinda dorky, but maybe that would lessen the stress because you're in your own safe space (your home)?

i did this today, and he's amazing

the only issue is the looks don't match the personality... i hate myself