Well... these are all "me problems" rather than "them problems", so I'm not going to blame the members or KQ or anything for any of this.
Because of the fact that I started stanning them in November 2020, I sometimes wish I had stanned them earlier.
There are times when my thoughts are like "You should have stanned them earlier" and those thoughts make me feel bad.
Well... yeah, if I had stanned ATEEZ since their KQ Fellas era or Pirate King era, I wouldn't have thoughts like that.
Like sometimes I can't watch ATEEZ videos from 2018, 2019 or early 2020 without feeling negative thoughts like that, and I often avoid those videos.
Even though when I became a Super Junior fan in 2012, I remember also having thoughts like that, but I think those thoughts disappeared after a few years.
After stanning ATEEZ, I think I also became pretty screen addicted.
Especially when VLIVE was a thing. Like I was often scared of missing out an ATEEZ VLIVE and ended up feeling bad, if I did miss out.
There was also a time when their youtube channel would upload live videos, and I still had this fear of missing out.
I think it is less like this nowadays, when they upload these live stuffs in some apps that I don't have. (the reason behind me not having those apps is because they seem like some that you have to pay real money for, and I don't want to do that)
Well.... there were also some ATEEZ fanfics that I had read that had negative effects on me. That's all I'm going to say...
And now a days, I avoid such fanfics.
And I think there are times when I have felt as if ATEEZ members have their stuff together, unlike me.
But maybe it is like when you are being on social media and see these influencers who seem to have a better life than you do.
But yeah, going around comparing yourself to other people is not a good thing.
Okay, now I'll talk about some of the positive things.
Well... if I didn't stan ATEEZ, I wouldn't have gone to their Copenhagen concert, which was the first time that I had been at a kpop concert.
And that day when I was a that concert felt like one of the happiest days of my life.
Because of Seonghwa, who likes ASMR stuff, I got into ASMR too. (even though before I also used to watch food videos that were kinda ASMR)
And I get happy when I hear Seonghwa talking about the stuff he likes.
And I get happy too, when I see his LEGO building videos.
I also think that after stanning ATEEZ, I also got more into kpop than I did some few years earlier.
And at times, when I have some bad thoughts (thoughts that I kinda don't want to talk about in this thread), I sometimes remind myself that "Oh, ATEEZ are going to have a comeback soon" or something like that, and those bad thoughts disappear.
And maybe if I didn't stan ATEEZ, me and Jenn maybe wouldn't have become friends and been talking about ATEEZ and stuff.
.... Oh my goodness, why can't I think of any other examples of how they have affected me positively?
I swear that they also have had a positive effect on me and that they make me happy too.
Well... I don't know if this is a sign that I should stop stanning them.
Maybe it is more of a sign that I need to be less on my computer and phone.
I also don't want to unstan them because I still like them.
