How would you react if someone said that you're "as cuddly as a cactus and charming as an eel"?

probably just yell "mr gRiiiiiiiiNCH!"

I would be extremely confused

Well eel sushi is absolutely delicious so I’m just gonna delude myself into thinking that they’re calling me a snack

Easy..just say, “Okay.” and “turn the page”.

This is the first thing that come to my mind

Well that definitely isn't a compliment

be offended, but also agree with them...