Does someone want to give me advice?

    So, this is a quasi-romantic situation.

    There was this girl that I dated before I realized that I'm actually aromantic (I had entertained the idea before, but it kinda hit me for real while I was dating her). I broke up with her about a year ago, but we've been best friends ever since. She's dated some other people and gotten over me a long time ago.

    But then I jokingly (at the time) suggested that we should get move in together and be wives one day. She actually said yes if she's still single in September (but she said it in the joking friend way). This was in February, but I've been thinking about it and I think I genuinely want to marry her (in my convoluted 15% romantic way). I fucking hate this because:

    a) I broke up with her. No way can I ask her out again.

    b) We've had a lot of long talks about our very different ideas of what we want from a relationship and I'm 80% sure that we just wouldn't work.


    I have no idea what to do. Usually I would talk to her about these things, but I don't want to complicate our friendship any further.

    Not giving advice. Just a warning that relationships work best when both parties have the same or similar end goals.


    A relationship is essentially a partnership. Especially in the case where romantic attraction may not be fully involved.


    If your end goal and her end goal of what a relationship should look like don't match up, the chance of failure becomes infinitely higher. Are your feelings strong enough to risk a friendship, and would you be okay should that friendship end due to this? Those are questions only you can answer.

    PGDPGT PRETTY GIRLS DOING PRETTY GIRL THINGS

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    Like 1

    communication

    communication

    communication


    just talk to her about what she wants and what you want from the relationship

    is it friendship, lovers, partners, marriage, etc etc

    Quote from Sashimifreak

    I mean granted PLENTY of people get back with their exes but if you’re aro and she’s not well one person isn’t gonna be getting what they need. Divorce is a lot messier than a simple breakup


    That is what I was thinking, but then we dated for a year and I broke up with her because I felt like she could do better for her. It wasn't mutual, so she was content before.

    Which is part of the reason I was even considering this in the first place.

    (Also, I learned recently that divorce is way easier when you haven't consummated the marriage).


    Quote from keyboardwarrior7

    Not giving advice. Just a warning that relationships work best when both parties have the same or similar end goals.


    A relationship is essentially a partnership. Especially in the case where romantic attraction may not be fully involved.


    If your end goal and her end goal of what a relationship should look like don't match up, the chance of failure becomes infinitely higher. Are your feelings strong enough to risk a friendship, and would you be okay should that friendship end due to this? Those are questions only you can answer.

    Ahhhh, this is what I was worried about. I don't think it would work, and I don't even want to bring it up to her if the idea is bizarre or something. But I can't even tell if it's bizarre or not because my brain can't think like that.


    Well this is the whole problem. When we've talked about it (indirectly, granted) and we even planned out our whole cute little cat mom life together, but I can't imagine this working out for us.

    And I don't want to bring it up to her again because if I do then it could make things weird and I don't want her to know that I was even thinking about it unless other people tell me that this isn't nonsensical. But I can't ask her other friends because they love to gossip and start rumors.

    well then one has to be direct and talk about the issue head on no matter the potential for embarrassment or other consequence no? just because you can't imagine it working out doesn't mean one shouldn't give it a try no? or are you that risk adverse that the potential for a long term relationship is outweighed by the potential to lose a friend?


    'tis better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all?


    one of the biggest "issues" (I'm not sure if it's the right word) in life is regret about the choices we didn't make. So many times in life have I heard people go if only I tried that or gave that a shot whether it be studies, relationships, job etc etc

    What this sounds like it is that you like her company and would want to spend the rest of your life with her, albeit, not romantically. Then I think this should be the case of best friend forever and platonic relationship. Because otherwise it would not be fair to her. If she says Yes and you two agreed to move in together or married, she's going in with the thought of it being a romantic relationship- in which you're aromatic, you cannot reciprocate those feelings to her and that puts her at an extremely unfair state. She will feel cheated and lied to, for the second time.


    If you had talked about your differences and does not see a possible relationship, then in my opinion, you should not move in or get married. Because you had 1) the time that you know her before dating, 2) the time you guys dated and 3) the time after you guys broke up and still spend times together as friends, of all those 3 times combined together AND yall still think it's 80% NOT compatible for a relationship? Then it is best to not have it.


    Stay as BFF forever. Keep this to yourself, get over her like she did to you.


    Best of luck internet stranger.

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