I heard the public speaker at the grocery store today and they were playing your song. I felt so proud of you. I remember when we first heard it together. I could have held you forever then.
When I thought I had lost you-- Seulgi, that night, the next day, and the days that followed, I felt like a person whose flesh had been stripped. I've never felt so much pain. And it kept building. I couldn't drown it and I couldn't shake it. It shadowed all of my hours. I once thought that I'd really been through some rough things, that I was immune to pain. But without you, I went for days without sleep. I just sat on the corner of my bed. Even getting up to take a piss was a major effort. I've never felt that kind of pain I felt when I thought I'd lost you. I couldn't shake it off-- I only wanted you back, that's all I knew. When you were on tour, I would visit your parents, and it was so lonely, Seulgi. I was depressed. I'd walk those rooms and wonder where you were. When you called me that day to tell me we needed to take a break I felt my heart breaking. Really. It's a physical pain-- it's not just in the mind. It was something I could feel. And it felt bad. I felt so alone and depressed. Like I was a void. And it didn't lessen any. I had lost the only thing of real value I'd ever had or known. My life had lost meaning, it had become a gulf, empty and void.
I am so completely in love with you, Seulgi. I miss you so much, baby. When I picture your pretty face the darkness rolls back and I know that I am loved. And that's a beautiful thing. The hurt stops. We were together for only two months but it is the fullest two months I've known in this life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
