tw rant: why would anyone do this?

today i got a random message out of the blue from my ex saying this:

I've been thinking about it and I just wanna say you are one of the most thoughtful and nice people over ever met. Like throughout the entire time I've known you you always think of others so much and you're always trying to help in any way you can and it's just amazing to me

And I don't think I ever really acknowledged that before but you are truly a wonderful person. There aren't many like you in that sense

Like I just had a really bad migraine and It got me thinking about all of the stuff you used to do for me and that time I got food poisoning and you just helped me through it its just not common for people to be that outwardly focused

and a little over an hour later after we have a nice long convo about life and shit, guess who brings up their new gf????

(also, he says this KNOWING i have BAD COLLEGE ANXIETY AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO KMS)

*Her fucking name* just started college and is scared because she doesn't think she'll make friends which is stooopid

Like she's already found people to talk to (BUT I HAVEN'T AND YOU KNOW THAT. HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!)

But she's pretty likeable so I wouldn't be worried she just stresses

Even then she has friends outside of college

We keep doing double dates with one of our friends who's in their 30s and I feel like an old ass

hey dude, you took everything from me!

in fact, i had everything taken from me!

1. My innocence during my freshman year of highschool- stolen by that teacher

2. My best friend and ex lover in 2018- stolen by the hands of death

3. This fucking relationship- taken by the hands of this asshole

4. My happiness- from all of the above + when i moved into this college 3 days ago

stop acting like you fucking care, asking me about what i'm eating too? you couldn't care less. you had no problem letting me suffer from anorexia before, so why don't you just let me fucking do my own shit again now? i have so many fucking problems. fuck this fucking shit and fuck you and fuck her. can't wait to publish my poetry book because i hope a sense of shame takes over your whole body. i thought after all the trauma i went through that you were finally the one but you weren't, YOU WERE SUCH A FUCKING LET DOWN AND YOU DID IT AGAIN TODAY. FUCK. YOU.

Quote from GoldenNini

Another wonderful rant💖

I can relate to this a bunch. It’s annoying when people act like they care when they clearly don’t. Like why waste someone’s time and energy just to prance around and act like everything is okay?? It’s also confusing as hell when your ex hits you up out of nowhere with shit like that. I haven’t felt that in a while, but I can imagine that it must have made you super confused.

i really thought i was about to have a "feel good" era in my life again i'm so fucking stupid

Quote from GoldenNini

You’re not stupid, you just unfortunately have to deal with terrible things, which I sympathize with you for. I still think despite the pain you are feeling, you can achieve that feel good era in your life. Pain sucks, but it can also be a great opportunity to learn and grow💖

it's so sad because i think i'm gonna die before i get there. never experienced that era as a kid.

Quote from GoldenNini

To be brutally honest, I can relate. Never really felt happy or content who’s I was or who I was surrounded by. I hate to say that because I had, and still have supportive people in my circle, but I just couldn’t be honest and open like I wanted to.

I know it’s difficult to be optimistic when things are pretty crappy in life rn, but taking it one day at a time is the best thing you can do. Trust me, I’ve been through similar situations as you have in your life, so I understand how the end seems so near, but it’s just the beginning. Life is long, and it’s cruel, but it’s worth living

thank you for the support, it seems we stan all the same artists by the way. ilysm.