anyone else go through this?

Quote from creamylove

yeah, my school is pretty white (sydney private school check) so i literally grew up in such a white atmosphere (there was subtle racism now that i look back, and ig that influenced me more). It was embarrassing for me to speak mandarin i’m ngl, i used to feel embarrassed abt it and my god was that stupid

Aww no need to feel embarrassed, but yeah I can see how that could be the case.

Actually I would've preferred to speak cantonese, instead of English bc I could communicate with my close ones w/o strangers knowing what I was saying.

Quote from creamylove

yuppie, it’s like a “secret language” lol (except it’s not but still- )

it’s good to speak in a different language so strangers can’t understand you, sometimes it just feels safer that way and you can biche abt someone to their face i guess without them realising aha (some people are annoying enough for that)

Exactly.

However, sometimes my body language & hand gestures gives what I'm saying away lmao

Quote from creamylove

lmaoo, you know what bitch look? where you look at them, quickly flick your eyes up and down for a once over and roll your eyes real quick.

that gives me away aha...

I felt that ahaha

That does scare ppl away though whenever I do that

:BAS-rest:

I guess I did not have it as hard as you.

I was born in Asia and I half German, half minority that Im not even sure would be considered Asian, white or something in between idk. It doesnt matter anyway cus I look 100% white. So upon moving back to Germany I never had that thing where people would look at me and instantly know Im from somewhere else and after perfecting the language people could not tell at all without getting to know more about me.

I do get annoyed when people call me "xxxx" just because of the place I was born in. Cus I dont have any ties to that place. I am not culturally nor ethnically related to that country and left before age 5. My families all only ended up there because of war reasons a few generations ago and never actually really assimilated which explains the lack of ties.

I did find back to my German half which I am pretty happy about. My other half I would gladly learn more about too but its kinda hard because theres decades of not hundreds of years of ethnic cleansing and genocide that happened so its kinda really hard to trace back and embrace again. So i have to terms with that already. It is what it is.

So yeah I guess thats all xD

Im really happy that you started to like your heritage. I think being Chinese is amazing. Its such a fascinating culture that you can trace back thousands of years ago. And when you look deeper into it you realize how beautiful it is. I think I if I where Chinese I would not regret it.

Quote from creamylove

that is everything i love, i love that so so much! For me, i don’t really remember when i began to accept myself and not shun parts of myself. I think it was just...seeing more media i guess? I genuinely don’t even remember but it was gradual and now i’m much much happier. I’m proud of my asian heritage, my exquisite taste in cpop/kpop/jpop (i listen to them all biche) and my fluency in the language (which is still developing lol).

Media is important. I realize that now.

I know the reason I felt the way I did back then and the way I feel now is because I have access to Asian media now.

Back then was everything that was cool and popular was white or black. Asians were weird and foreign. You feel unless you are white, you can't be "normal" because the media tells you what is "normal" and you are not it as an Asian.

The only Asian things that were halfway popular then were Japanese cartoons and kung fu films. Unfortunately, those didn't help me much as an Asian-American girl, you know.

But in the KPOP era, things really changed. We can be cool. We can be pretty. And it's everywhere on Youtube and Twitter. Like there are Chuang 2021 tweets every minute going on right now.

So yeah, it's media. So if Hollywood or "Pop" isn't representing me then fuck them, I'll follow the culture of my roots from Asian sources.

i've went through something like this, but it wasn't about culture. let me bring this whole story since ima make this dramatic like the dramatic queen i am. So my mom is homophobic and my dad just doesn't like the idea of LGBTQ but doesnt hate hate it. When i was younger i was told that people only love the opposite gender and that only man and woman go together. My sister thought differently and taught me since i was falling down the homophobic ditch my mom went in. Once i was about 7 i started liking females, but thought I was going crazy and started hating LGBTQ up untill the point I said i'd kill anyone i knew if they were LGBTQ+ If someone brang it up i would say it stood for "losers. girly-girls, b!t(es, troublemakers. Once i was 11 i started accepting the fact i was pansexual, but never told ANYONE. last year, when i was 16 i opened p to my BFF telling her how i felt about gender. I still haven't told anyone except her and my sister, but hope to when im older!!! So, yes, but no i somewhat went through what you felt.

Quote from creamylove

oh baby...i’m so glad you opened up about this to your sister and your bestie. Your sister sounds like a legend, i’m all for her and she seems to be knowledgeable! It sounds like she really cares about you

I’ve learned that some people are very intolerant about anything that might even threaten their views in the slightest way. I mean this in the most supportive way possible for you, but i’m disappointed that you can’t trust to tell your parents. NOT IN YOU. But in them.

If your kid can’t trust you with something so fundamentally important for them in such a crucial stage in their life, there’s something you’re not doing right. Teenagers are in an awkward stage in life where they don’t really know who they are and are searching for their identity. And being able to help and guide another through that stage should be a staple of being a parent. I’m happy you can rely on your bestie and sister!

i’ve seen people go down in not-so-great-ways when they kept all these emotions cooped up inside them, so it’s wonderful that you have your sister and bff to rely on and to open up with

i can understand you to some of an extent, not as deep of a level as you since they’re about different things, but the struggle with identity is definitely there. Shunning something that defines you out of insecurity, fear or maybe another reason entirely. It doesn’t feel great.

Thank you for opening up <33

i’m praying for you on this end, okie? I hope you can feel comfortable with yourself and you can open up to others when you feel ready!

FIGHTING

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aww thank you hun !! Also i just realized i opened up to hundreds of people here...

Quote from creamylove

don’t worry babes, there’s a v low chance you actually know someone from irl

yea i know.

creamylove, but i think we're gonna keep calling each other babe and hun lol

Wow...what a story. I also heard some stories from my mixed friends about how hard if you're half asian/asian heritage and living in western countries. Especially if your appearance is asian dominant.Crisis identity always happens I'm glad you're already accepted who you are....

It's easier for mixed asian+asian (ex:Japanese-Indonesian, Filipino-Chinese) and living in Asian countries. You'll get benefit for being multilingual