Today I experienced the worst moment in my life, and I am in desperate need of a solution, so I'll share it with the community :)

Quote from Daisy_Queen

Putting it in a spoiler simply because I'm a wordy girl

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First of all, everyone student in that class felt the same way you did when they started. Nobody, no matter how gifted they seem, started without stumbling and fumbling about. Remember that it's a class and you're there to learn, not be perfect outright or else there's no point to it. I don't think anybody, especially not the teacher, expects you to be perfect either.

Not quite dancing but I went to an art school with a focus on creative writing. One year I had Spoken Word and even though I signed up for it, auditioned for the class and everything, I just couldn't do it. Poetry had always been the weakest point for me as a writer, I was already shy and so insecure I used feeling below average to convince myself that my entire existence was below average, mundane, mediocre, nothing that ever happened to me was worth writing about. And everyone else seemed so much more talented than I was, they were more experienced and comfortable with performing, had been at the school longer etc.

For weeks, all of my friends wrote deep, personal pieces and I just copped out completely. I wrote simple poetry pieces. If it was supposed to be opinionated, I deliberately chose something I didn't feel passionate about and lightly chose a side. All I did was the assignment asked of me and nothing more. So convinced that I was some fraud, I couldn't even give feedback to my peers because I was felt like I didn't have the right. This was the only class where the art I loved, lived and breathed went from being a passion I craved to improve on to a yet another dreaded class, just going through the motions.

Everyone could what was going on and I eventually got called out by the entire class for holding back. Nobody was mad at me, or disappointed but just confused as to how convinced myself I wasn't capable. Because, no matter how I'd warped my reality to think otherwise, I was the only person in that room that thought I wasn't a good writer. I had to stop treating everyone else like they above me and realize hard work was not something only I had to do to get better (like a flaw) but something everyone else had to do as well. They didn't just appear perfect and gifted. That did change a lot for me, I started little by little being a bit more honest with my work instead of detaching myself totally. Wasn't completely out of my shell by the time that class ended but I'd felt better than I ever had, and had several really great works make the school showcase that year.

Feeling confident in your abilities is hard and sometimes it just takes forcing yourself forward, even if it's the tiniest step. My first poem after that intervention was barely more personal than the nothing fluff pieces I'd been writing, but it was the hardest one for me to write. I'd go on to be more honest and bold but nothing was ever harder than that one piece, because it was my first step.

In retrospect, in my 4 years in that school, I had to critique tons of poetry, short stories, slam etc. There was never a story that made me write off anybody completely. If I came across a bad story, I simply pointed out where it could be better and moved on. Forget the whole thing happened within a few days because I knew mistakes and flaws were just a natural part of writing. I knew when it came to everyone else but couldn't apply that same logic to myself. The very few I disregarded were the ones that didn't try.

Funny how that works

I really hope you go back to that dance class and feel comfortable enough to participate. If it's something you love, you have to drag yourself to do it even if your legs feel like lead. Despite how you may feel, by not going back, you won't be "saving" the other students from having to put up with you but instead robbing yourself from doing something you really love. I'd met plenty of talented dancers at my school. Some of them had been dancing since they were toddlers, some had next to no training before they auditioned and got into the school. Don't let it intimidate you

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Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I didn't know that you love writing as well, that's awesome :)
Your text is very inspiring, and I thank you so much for taking your time and writing all of this. It's very touching
This Friday, I'll go there again, and I'll try it again. Giving up is never an option. I know that as soon as I've been there for a while, I'll gain confidence. I just have to get used to it.