erm, well, not necessarily today (it's 100% possible though)
a couple of months ago i had a vape plug through *social media site* but they stopped replying. so today i ordered through a popular social media site (not traditionally what you would think of though), from a new guy.
for some reason i got a bad feeling. even though he had tons of positive reviews. i got anxious and looked up the vaping laws for my state, i'm over 18 but under 21. i could not find a clear answer of what exactly the consequences would be if i got caught with a vape in my possession/if i got caught purchasing. which is weird because i'm studying criminal fucking law. all i could find were articles saying it's illegal to sell, but i wasn't selling, i was buying. buying from a guy who wanted his payment in GBP, no less.
i thought of how this could effect me down the line. a misdemeanor could ruin my chances of a government job, no matter how small the infraction is.
there was already a fiasco with the pæypal tonight because he got mad i paid and left a comment saying what i was gonna buy (bc i had done it with my last plug) and he complained he would get banned but he didn't and we resolved it. he said he would ship out my stuff once the money actually got to his account but i just could not shake the feeling of "this will screw you over somehow". i even messaged my best friend on here Violanah vaguely about it, saying i had anxiety, but it became clear what the right thing to do was.
i knew i had to message him and cancel my order. i typed up a long paragraph apologizing (even though i barely know him) and explained how i've been trying to quit (technically true), and this made me realize that i was going too far for these juice pods. told him he can keep the money but just don't ship me the stuff. my finger was hovering over the send button for, and i kid you not, five straight minutes. it doesn't seem like a lot but it felt like eternity to me. i was really nice about it and thankfully he understood (though he was understandably annoyed).
i'm vaping rn as we speak but after this pod i literally have another 1/4 filled pod left and then boom, nada, no juice left. meaning no more vaping. it's a possibility once i get home i'll buy off my friend but if today goes well i doubt it.
back when the BTS concerts in Vegas were first announced (off topic i know, stay with me here), i made a promise to myself and the universe (kinda like a deal) that if i got the seats i wanted, i would quit vaping.
at the time i didn't know how i was going to do that, but this all happened today with the onsale in a little over 12 hours, so i think it's a sign.
i've gone months to years without it before but it'll be harder now since i've gotten back into the swing of it. but i trust that if the universe provides, i will abide by my end of the deal too. it's too coincidental.
i know i sound crazy but it's true. of all days for this to happen it's today.
i'm going to bed but yeah.
i needed to write this down somewhere so here i am.
no one's gonna see this bc it's lounge anyway haha.
anyways wishing love and light to everyone today. especially fellow Army trying to get tickets.
borahae
- FeLiNa (Vi)
