do you think its too easy for people to say
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Yeah people who say that are sheltered and had a very good and decent childhood.
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Yeah people who say that are sheltered and had a very good and decent childhood.
yeah they shouldn't say that easily,,they need to realise not all people are fortunate enough to have loving and supportive parents,,some people are born into dysfunctional families and have to deal with authoritarian or abusive parents
its even harder for someone like me who has one amazing and one disgusting parent
cause it confuses people around me more ( except for childhood friends who know exactly why I'm like this )
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I have a strong pet peeve for this. Going in and out of the foster system because of my biological parents inability to coparent, cope with their own trauma or in some instances function in general makes me so angry when people give this argument. Especially when they follow up with "Kids are resilient, and every child is going to suffer some trauma as their parents grow & learn".
My thought when they respond with that is:
- I am a human not a guinea pig.
- I should not have to be resilient to survive unjust punishments for my parent's poor decisions
- If you are not mentally okay and have not learned to not take out your anger/sadness and trauma on your children, you are NOT ready to have children, they do not need to suffer your trauma and additional trauma with you.
- It is your job to protect your child and make them feel loved and safe, not just make sure "they survive to adulthood"
I literally just got to the point I can visit my biological mother more often than once every 6 months, again as she has apologized for a lot and has made some progress by getting sober for over 5 years, taking really good care of my siblings, prioritizing her kids over her love life, etc. But it took me moving out and distancing from her for 4 years and her literally breaking down as I used to be her therapist essentially because she had me so young, in order for her to realize she was doing something wrong (to be fair she does not catch on to things so easily as she is very autistic but unlike me, & my brother is not high functioning). She has made a lot of changes but as a parent she should not have put her children in those dangerous spaces to begin with which lead to my distancing myself.
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Yeah... Its somewhat annoying tbh.
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its even harder for someone like me who has one amazing and one disgusting parent
cause it confuses people around me more ( except for childhood friends who know exactly why I'm like this )
Cling to the amazing parent please. They will help you survive even if they may not be an biological one, trust me.
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This reminds me of Q&A-websites where you ask questions and people help you by answering to your question and there is allways this one guy who ruins it.
Example: you have PC-problems
One User: "What? I never had problems with my own PC so why do you have this? Thats weird. Why is your PC even malfunctioning, when mine is OK..."
Another example: You ask how to loose weight
One User who is obvisiously skinny: "Hah fat! I am not in your situation, luckly!"
and so on ...
I hate people who think just cause they don't have problems other people shouldn't have them and those who curse on others for having issues are also worse
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This reminds me of Q&A-websites where you ask questions and people help you by answering to your question and there is always this one guy who ruins it.
Example: you have PC-problems
One User: "What? I never had problems with my own PC so why do you have this? That's weird. Why is your PC even malfunctioning, when mine is OK..."
I work IT and you would not believe the amount of people who have this logic toward their coworker's having issues with their PCs :-D
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It's a bit like the assumption that all mothers love their children and only ever want what's best for them.
I don't doubt that most do indeed, but some love only themselves and it's quite painful to have to explain this over and over only to get judged harshly and deemed a bad person anyway. Somehow it is always the children's fault. Because we're not obedient enough, because we don't listen well enough, aren't supportive enough or just not understanding enough...
People can be extremely cruel and parents are people so they're no exception.
I neither need nor want abusive people in my life, regardless of who they are and how closely related we may be. I'd rather deal with people judging me tbh. At the end of the day it's still the lesser of two evils.
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Very easily said.
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