Realization about being in a relationship

I agree!

For me at least, an emotional connection is what really matters - more of a vibe. Everyone loves differently though - so what works for us may not work for others! Which I think is fascinating.
I really love love, it's such a beautiful yet complex thing.

I fall in love with someone's soul or 'vibe' if you will, before I do anything else. Most of the time we share different interests with some being the same - but share the same soul if that makes any sense LOL.

Quote from superyeah

Same values and views > same personality and interests

I agree with the idea of "opposites attract" in the sense that those opposite in personality, interests, and lifestyle are an ideal match as long as they're on the same wavelength about life goals and worldview.

Sometimes those who are too alike don't get along. They see many of their own flaws in the other person and don't end up feeling as attracted after a while.

I agree with you! For me, you have to have some similarities and differences with your partner.

Quote from Shy

That's so true. Being opposites makes a lot of sense when you're young, but becomes less useful as you get older. Fundamentally, the real secret of a successful relationship I believe is having shared outlook and values.

I don’t know about that. My partner and I have been together for 20 years and are so chalk and cheese, but we do have some similarities. We have that understanding and respect that all relationships need and are happy together.

Quote from Shy

I used to think it was important to have common interests with the person that you are in a relationship with but now I think it is more important to be similar in other aspects. like how kind you are. how you treat the people you care about, how you treat strangers. how you deal with anger. how you deal with pain. and not necessarily dealing with all these things the same way but being perceptive enough to understand what action each situation calls for. it’s important for both people to be on the same page about what that action should be. it’s important to me to have that kind of synchrony.

i agree. if i'm with someone with the same interests, its great in the short term, but not long term. we're so alike on the surface that we don't really pay attention to the things below the surface, then when one big thing come up and then we disagree and then everything implodes

Quote from Shy

Let me give you an example.

First example, two people. they are not very alike and do not think alike. In fact, they are opposites in terms of relationship expectations. He wants a relationship, she does not. In fact, she cheats on him, all the time but she likes him anyway, but she really likes fucking around. The guy does not cheat, and it is not okay with her lying. Uh, look they are “opposites,” do you think their relationship is going to be a happy one or even a healthy one? Either way? She would have to become like him. Assuming they can get over her cheating.

Connection—that magical feeling of being really, truly, fundamentally seen—has always done the trick for me. Balance is key here and in most aspects of love.

Yes, I can see that but that doesn’t apply to my situation as neither of us have cheated on each other and we have both wanted the relationship. I understand what you’re trying to say though.

in addition to what others have said the mosy important aspect of any relationship in my opinion seems to be communication...

not surface level communication but deep probing communication to find out why a person is the way they are... what makes them tick so to speak

that way you can truly understand your partner by why they like certain things, why they feel a certain way etc