wowee an actual rant!
these have tended to flop lately so i don't expect a response lmao
so i have 4 days left until i go back to campus (i've been here at home since sunday)
but i only started thinking about it after i got into the shower and holy fuck it makes me so fucking sad. i wish things could be like this forever, i look like i'm still 15, i look frozen at the age where i met the one person who passed away months ago. i feel like once you hit your 20s things change and then your 30s come so fast then your 40s. i just want to live in a world where age doesn't exist and years aren't a thing. i swear we would all age slower because we only look for what we put a number to.
today is one of those days where i'm overthinking and afraid of death more than usual, and the one person who alleviated that is gone, so i don't know what to do without them. but anyways nothing lasts forever and i just know once i get back to campus i'll be counting down the days until i can finally go home again. i wish living at home after college wasn't so stigmatized. i'm an overachiever with nothing to show for it. why can't i just be normal.
i thought my psychiatrist giving me the diagnosis of bipolar 2 a month ago was a fucking joke but i don't think it's a joke anymore. i cry and worry about everything and my meds work so good that the mania is gone but the depression absolutely remains.
i feel bad for wishing it but i wish that all the dorms and stuff get closed for my college. i know it's horrible but i want to be home.
