Was originally posted on the old AKP forum, but I'm going to edit it a bit.
The sun is shining outside the swamp.
Shrek is sitting in front of his computer in the bedroom, watching Park Ji Hoon's "Gotcha" music video.
"Yas, Ji Hoon hyung. Slay." Shrek fangirls.
He doesn't notice Fiona walk into the bedroom.
"Shrek." she says. "We need to talk."
"I'll talk to you, when I have finished watching Gotcha."
"No." She turns off his computer. "We need to talk now."
"How dare you turn off this masterpiece?" Shrek yells.
"You are too obsessed with K-pop."
"No, I'm not."
"When I asked you to take care of the triplets while I had gone shopping with Cinderella, you were doing nothing but streaming Lovesick Girls."
"But I tried to make it gain 300.000.000 views."
"You care more about BLACKPINK than you care about me."
"No, I love you."
"Then when is my birthday?"
Shrek is silent for a moment.
"Uhm.... I don't know." he responds. "But Hongjoong hyung's birthday is on the 7th of November."
Fiona sighs disappointedly.
"Shrek." she says. "I want a divorce."
"What?" Shrek asks shrook. "please don't." he begs. "because I love you with all of my heart."
"If you really loved me, then you would remember my birthday, you koreaboo."
Fiona and their triplet children have moved to Far Far Away.
Shrek is all alone in the swamp, just like the time before he met her.
He listens to "Ex" by Stray Kids to comfort himself and sings along to "yokhaedo joa. mamkkeot yok yok yokhae."
But the song makes him keep thinking about her.
How she made his heart flutter and his cheeks turn pink as the three pigs.
Without her and their children, the swamp feels empty.
He stops listening to the song and goes outside.
The chilly wind is blowing towards him.
He sees a tree that has lost all of it's leaves.
The autumn leaves on the ground are as orange as Puss in Boots.
Because of the loneliness, he feels like summer might never return.
Because Fiona was like sunshine and summer to him.
Then he goes inside again.
He walks into his bedroom and takes a seat in front of his computer again.
He picks up his smartphone that has a picture of blue haired Hongjoong as the lock screen wallpaper, and dials Fiona's number.
Fiona picks it up.
"Hello." he hears her voice saying.
"Oh hi, it's me, Shrek." he says. "I just called to ask how you were doing."
"And I wanted to tell you that I remember your birthday. It is on the first of June, right?"
"That's correct." She responds, "But..."
"I'm dating Changbin from Stray Kids now."
Shrek is shrook again, and his heart feels like it has been chopped into pieces like an onion.
"Changbin cares more about me than you do." she says. "And he told me that he wants to become the step father of my children."
Shrek hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.
He starts crying as if he just chopped some onions.
Then he decides to stream "God's Menu, but because Changbin stole his wife, he cries while hearing him rap: "eoseo oshibshio. i gageneun cham menyuga goreugido shwibjyo. mweol shikyeodo ogameul manjokhaji haji."
but the song also makes him hungry, so he decides to make onion soup.
He goes to the kitchen and chops some onions.
He cries, while thinking of his chopped heart.
I rewrote it, because I found out that Lovesick Girls has more than 300.000.000 views now.
Which is what Shrek wanted.