What do you really want? Do you want her to change her homophobic ways? This would be hard and it would be a very gradual change if at all. Not being confrontational, but at the same time not be in agreement can be a hard balance to achieve. If she has some reasoning, can change opinions, and won't threat you economically or physically, it can be done in this case.
You could see videos on people who where in similar situation as yours and see if what they did is applicable.
Now if she is the dishonest aggressive kind, I fear there is nothing you can do. It's endure it and try to avoid getting in conversations that lead to show her homophobia till you can move out. Sometimes that's the best solution. Guarantee your our financial independence, so you can voice your opinion freely. I'd not be confrontation in this case even after getting out. Just agree to disagree on this topic.
If she is in the middle like she is a "pragmatic" but headstrong and don't try to impose her opinions on you, you can just ignore it.
I have some views I totally disagree with my mom, but she rarely voices it and doesn't act on that (like actively vote against what she opposes to). On the rare occasions she spout some heinous expletive, I just listen while internally facepalming and move on. I may try to convince her if she acts on that, but it's rare (like once a decade event).
It's really hard to give advice on this because I don't know your exactly living situation and my approach to this type of strong opinions is different. I'm fine with people with very opposite views than mine as long they don't force it or act on that. I usually don't try to change opinion per se, but just give a different perceptive or change a decision.
I may not change her opinion on things, but I can change some behavior toward that for a less aggressive stance. With time and effort then maybe I can "attack" the idea if I managed to decouple the idea off her personality. Lot of people cling to ideas like it's part of their personality. So attacking the idea head on can be a bad idea in this case. Never attack the person even if that person use such tactics. You just make them double down.
Anyway, dunno your situation, just be cool and rational. Never act on emotion when dealing with world views.
Display Morewell firstly you've got to determine are you still dependent on her for anything ?
financial?
emotional?
support of other family members?
because if you do what you are about to do and your mother decides to cut ties you've got to be aware of the consequences
i haven't been living with my mum ever since i moved into my college dorm, but she's been throwing money at me for my college tuition. so i still rely on her somewhat.
i just want my mum to understand that her views on the LBTQ+ community are the equivalent of discrimination. i want to be able to do that without angering her too much to the point of me being disowned.
my parents are sadly divorced and my dad has basically been unclaimed by my mom's side of the family. my dad has been in rehab twice since then so i don't really trust him.
i haven't been living with my mum ever since i moved into my college dorm, but she's been throwing money at me for my college tuition. so i still rely on her somewhat.
i just want my mum to understand that her views on the LBTQ+ community are the equivalent of discrimination. i want to be able to do that without angering her too much to the point of me being disowned.
my parents are sadly divorced and my dad has basically been unclaimed by my mom's side of the family. my dad has been in rehab twice since then so i don't really trust him.
that's hard isn't it...considering you're still dependent on your mother for certain things...
I don't know your mother and I don't know you either but from what you are telling us your mother seems very homophobic to the point where she may be willing to disown her own daughter if you decided to come out...
that is the notion of having a different sexual orientation daughter may be so great to outweigh the love for her said daughter.
And if you are at college so any communication would be phone, video chat so less face to face interactions which may be for the better or worse depending on the situation...
I feel for your situation
what about your extended family members? (siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are they just as homophobic or different? maybe try reaching out to them and get them on your side first?
Display MoreWhat do you really want? Do you want her to change her homophobic ways? This would be hard and it would be a very gradual change if at all. Not being confrontational, but at the same time not be in agreement can be a hard balance to achieve. If she has some reasoning, can change opinions, and won't threat you economically or physically, it can be done in this case.
You could see videos on people who where in similar situation as yours and see if what they did is applicable.
Now if she is the dishonest aggressive kind, I fear there is nothing you can do. It's endure it and try to avoid getting in conversations that lead to show her homophobia till you can move out. Sometimes that's the best solution. Guarantee your our financial independence, so you can voice your opinion freely. I'd not be confrontation in this case even after getting out. Just agree to disagree on this topic.
If she is in the middle like she is a "pragmatic" but headstrong and don't try to impose her opinions on you, you can just ignore it.
I have some views I totally disagree with my mom, but she rarely voices it and doesn't act on that (like actively vote against what she opposes to). On the rare occasions she spout some heinous expletive, I just listen while internally facepalming and move on. I may try to convince her if she acts on that, but it's rare (like once a decade event).
It's really hard to give advice on this because I don't know your exactly living situation and my approach to this type of strong opinions is different. I'm fine with people with very opposite views than mine as long they don't force it or act on that. I usually don't try to change opinion per se, but just give a different perceptive or change a decision.
I may not change her opinion on things, but I can change some behavior toward that for a less aggressive stance. With time and effort then maybe I can "attack" the idea if I managed to decouple the idea off her personality. Lot of people cling to ideas like it's part of their personality. So attacking the idea head on can be a bad idea in this case. Never attack the person even if that person use such tactics. You just make them double down.
Anyway, dunno your situation, just be cool and rational. Never act on emotion when dealing with world views.
my mum is a christian which is mainly the "reason" she acts this way. (doesn't make it a good excuse to be homophobic though) her religion is very important to her as it is with many people and it's going to be hard to dodge that.
i simply want my mum to understand that religion isn't an excuse and that she is discriminating those within the LBGTQ+ community. i'm not going to completely change her opinion but i want her to be more lenient with those who are LBGTQ+.
my mum is a christian which is mainly the "reason" she acts this way. (doesn't make it a good excuse to be homophobic though) her religion is very important to her as it is with many people and it's going to be hard to dodge that.
i simply want my mum to understand that religion isn't an excuse and that she is discriminating those within the LBGTQ+ community. i'm not going to completely change her opinion but i want her to be more lenient with those who are LBGTQ+.
My mom is a devout Christian and this shape her personality very much. She is homophobic, racist towards people of color, and against abortion. However, she doesn't really talk about her prejudices aloud and just keep to herself. Also, her voting and decision making doesn't attack these groups. She isn't a single issue voter. I just don't talk much about these issues as Christianity shapes her personality a lot and I can't decouple it. She is a reasonable person even thou I totally disagree with these views and it's fine between us. Also, she is pretty old, so for most of our lives together our views matched. I just drifted away and don't feel like to change her views as it's not being harmful in an active way.
Dunno how reasonable a person is your mom and how vocal she is about her homophobia. I guess she is pretty vocal and active as it's to an annoying point to you to do something about it.
I was very Christian too and also very homophobic and vocal about it. However, I stopped being homophobic even as a Christian (way before changing to Atheism). I just separated the sin for the sinner logic first, so instead of simply hating LGBTQ community, I just reasoned that they are misguided and from there just slowly accept logic and reason based arguments. It wasn't a sudden shift from hating homosexuals to loving homosexuals. It's was very gradual. In my case I did it myself. Not sure if this process would be faster if someone tried to convince me. Maybe it could be the opposite. It wasn't because of any event as well. I actually can't remember when I started changing this view to be honest. That's how gradual it was.
So dunno how your mom would react to this. If there is no big threat, I'd go very gradual and patient. Seek how others did it. Usually people aren't stupid even with really loony views. That's how our brain works with world views. As long she isn't the dishonest aggressive kind.
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