friendship vs love

    if my best friend was aware i liked someone and decided to date them, they're not my best friend anymore.


    situationally, stuff like this usually happens in middle or high school, when romantic relationships don't usually last. however, some friendships are able to endure long after high school.


    so it may seem stupid to give up the crush and leave your friend, but any friend who does that obviously has weird moral standing and therefore is not a person worth being friends with.


    i would find it awkward and distance myself from both of them. when they inevitably break up, the best friend will want a shoulder to cry on and it sure as hell will NOT be me. what goes around, comes around.

    why?


    he/she could have had the crush on the same person too, except the person chose them ant not you

    At the very best, it would be awkward. It could lead to a lot of hurt feelings and probably not a good overall situation.


    So I would distance myself from both individuals involved.


    This is especially true if the "best friend" knew you liked this other person and didn't have a serious talk with you about them two dating before it happened.


    I've had this happen to me personally where someone I had a massive crush on in high school is now married to my best friend from high school. We don't keep in contact anymore.


    Each circumstance like this will be different and unique though.


    exactly. any best friend who willingly betrays their friend for their own self interest is NOT a friend.

    Quote from FeLiNa

    exactly. any best friend who willingly betrays their friend for their own self interest is NOT a friend.

    Now if that serious talk did happen and you decide to be okay with that relationship, then it might still work.


    But I think it's natural to step back from both of those people then, to give them the space that a relationship needs, and to put up that barrier for your emotions that will be necessary.


    Still can become a very messy situation, very quickly.

    even if you had the talk of a lifetime and are fine with it on the outside, and willing to accept it on the inside too, wont it be hella awkward when the three of you are together and everyone is aware you are attracted to your best friend's girlfriend/boyfriend

    Quote from horizonshard

    Now if that serious talk did happen and you decide to be okay with that relationship, then it might still work.


    But I think it's natural to step back from both of those people then, to give them the space that a relationship needs, and to put up that barrier for your emotions that will be necessary.


    Still can become a very messy situation, very quickly.


    the sad part is, those serious talks rarely happen and someone usually just gets completely fucking blindsided.


    both people are not worth being around imo.

    Quote from unbannBLACPINK

    even if you had the talk of a lifetime and are fine with it on the outside, and willing to accept it on the inside too, wont it be hella awkward when the three of you are together and everyone is aware you are attracted to your best friend's girlfriend/boyfriend

    That's exactly why I would take the step back from both of them. Limit interaction for quite some time so I could move on, and to let their relationship solidify.


    Then we could all test the waters, and see if things are better and more stable.


    There would be a transition for sure.

    Quote from FeLiNa

    ??? what does this even mean???


    you can like/love someone, but step back from them because it's morally wrong. it's not playing with their feelings.

    you made it clear through your actions you like the person and they fell for you too


    your friend made it clear he/she likes them too but the attraction wasnt mutual


    when you both realize that you like the same person, its already too late and the person has fallen for you and wants to date you


    so you either choose to reject them and hurt their feelings

    or accept it and hurt your friend's feelings


    either way, you're gonna be hurting someone

    Quote from horizonshard

    That's exactly why I would take the step back from both of them. Limit interaction for quite some time so I could move on, and to let their relationship solidify.


    Then we could all test the waters, and see if things are better and more stable.


    There would be a transition for sure.

    true


    i think both of you are thinking of this from an adult's perspective


    in high school, when my first relationship ended, I could clearly see one of my friends liked her and I straight up told him to shoot his shot and that mf actually did and they started dating next month

    it was funny and none of us were bothered whatsoever


    i imagine it would be a lot more intense now


    oh of course! but i would choose to reject them because i'd rather keep a friend. assuming this is occurring in middle or high school (this situation usually happens during those time periods), it wouldn't be worth it to start a relationship. they just don't last and it's not worth losing a friend over.


    it's different in every situation. i'm looking at this from a teen lens but i was very different as a teen so maybe that explains my answer.

    Yes, I'm thinking about it from an adult perspective.


    I agree that adult friendships and relationships are a lot different.


    Both connections have a lot more long term finality to them, so the dynamic changes.

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