Why do stans always point fingers at other groups when non-stans show concern for their faves?

For example, a group could have an inappropriate concept, and people would show concern, saying it's age inappropriate for the members ..etc, and then the group's fans will bring up other groups that did it, and why "nobody said anything about them," when, in reality, people did. Do you want everybody to just ignore it, normalize it? It's really nothing bad to show concern. I literally don't understand lol