i have been manipulated all my life and i struggle making friends
TWim born and raised in x (country) and moved to z (country) because my parents decided to do so when i turned 13, and after that i had a struggle making friends because of the language barrier and people would bully me for saying the wrong thing and it made me work harder to make sure my language skills were better by the beginning of high school which it did, i had a very good friend group but i had to move to y (another city) because of my parents again, and lost contact with my friends, i still have them on ig and fb but i dont talk to them that much, i had to start at a new school and get new friends which was hard for me, and then i moved again... back to where i was born and raised x (country)
after i moved back to x (country) i was about to give up on life because my mom forced me to move back when my grades got better and i had a solid friend group again..... i made 2 friends, (which left me bc they started talking shit behind my back) while i was on a trip w my exbf, i made another friend who started in my class a bit later, and we became extremely close, but cut ties with them because they said my mental health needed to be fixed before i talked to them so i cut them out of my life (they also denied they talked shit and hung out w/o me but i have friends who say otherwise and proved them wrong) the only friends i talk to is my bfs friends, one of them is my former bestfriends bf .....yes...you heard me right...and we have a groupchat on dc which kills me because i dont want to see her face anymore but i have bear it because my bf is best friends w her bf,...and hes also my friend..(we also attend the same classes) its hard to interact with boys because they dont understand struggles (im not stereotyping boys, just these...are a bit different) and basically lay it all behind but i want friends to hang out w/ and just not lay in my bed and play video games everyday and study, i want to have fun and talk about makeup, the future, kids whateevr the frick...but im struggling and im on my final line i dont know what to do with my life lol
i honestly am so unlucky w/ friends and it sucks because i miss my old friends but i live so far from them now it makes me so sad i even cry over it whenever im alone and can cry freely when no one is home, i struggle w suicidal episodes a lot because i dont have any friends to talk to and i dont want to burden my boyfriend, what should i do....im not asking for help but i hope someone relates???
Hello thanks for opening up, first of all i apologize it's seems like this thread floped really hard and no one really pays attention to it therefore i edited one of my post where i mentioned my struggles.
AS for your concern, i cannot say that i relate, i'm not good at making friends, i've always tried when i was younger but then i noticed that i was always the odd one in the group and didn't bring much to the conversations for some reasons, i hated that feeling and also felt uncomfortable because of it, so i started isolated myself and i felt much better. It is true that for a long time i wished to have friends and be in a group but now i don't feel that bad being alone, i guess that has to do with the fact that i'm an introvert and like being alone most of the time, therefore i managed to make some friends throughout the years of school, i don't hangout with them though but we keep in touch by texts and emails since i don't like talking in person and going out, i'm not good at expressing myself verbally and i'm really awkward.
However this last 2/3 years i've been taking months to reply to my texts i feel like i'm gradually distancing myself with them and loosing them like, we're getting less closer. And i feel bad about that but in other hand i woudln't really mind being all alone. Social interactions drains me emotionnally and mentally so i get tired really easily. So yeah i can't really relate sorry
Anyway, i don't know how i can help you sorry and i don't think i have any good advices.
One of my friends made really good friends thanks to KPOP/Exo in twitter and hang out with them sometimes, have you tried to find people near to where you live that has common interests as you through SNS and then eventually hang out with them if you get close?
How about joining some clubs or associations? Volunteering? You could meet nice people there.
Also unrelated what about having a pet so you're not completely alone when you cry?
This aside i'm pretty sure there are people in here that can relate but i don't think they'd check that thread unfortunately 
As for your suicidal episodes, if you have them frequently/regularly, like everyday, i suggest you to seek for professionnal help, it won't help you with your concern about not having friends but if given medication or therapy you'd feel better emotionnally/mentally at least which can't be neglected especially when you're at school
I hope things goes well for you.
such a beautiful song
