[TW : suicide] I need urgent help / advice

I have an online friend who's battling depression and getting it treated but she's constantly entertaining ideas of suicide.

Just now she asked for my opinion in something and she said that "a very dear friend" told her they hate the idea of holding back someone who doesn't want to live anymore and then she suggested to give her a book with a bookmark to a page explaining how to commit suicide in a way where failure is impossible. My friend asked if her friend did this out of love and consideration, she said that her friend asked if she wanted to read the book and she said yes but it was still the friend who suggested the whole thing.

Now I have never had depression or any suicidal thoughts before, nor do I know anyone irl who did so I don't know how to handle this in an effective way. I love this girl a lot and she's still very young and she's really kind and funny and I'm sure deep inside she wants to be helped out of this darkness, otherwise she wouldn't have asked my opinion on this. I tried to remind her of all of her good qualities and I outright told her this was a very bad "advice" but she asked whether I thought so because I don't share the sentiment of letting go of someone who's no longer willing to live and now I don't know what to tell her, like hell I'd share that sentiment but I don't know if telling her that would come off as insensitive.

Quote from 7dream0606

im very sorry about your friend

imo it doesnt seem insensitive to tell her that you dont share the belief that letting go of a person who doesnt have a will to live is ok

i think the best thing you can do is to be there for her

Constantly remind her that she is loved and help distract her from those thoughts

im sry if i didn’t understand the whole thing correctly

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No I think you hot the gist of it

It seems her therapist isn't much of a help, she said he always tells her he can't understand her but he's trying

Quote from Sara-M

I am very grateful that you truly care about those you love, as this situation can be very difficult.

I give out all of my love and support to your friend who is dealing with this, as they are fighting a battle within themselves.

My biggest advice for you is to be there for your friend. Understand that listening and acknowledging their feelings can help so much.

Also, help them connect with someone who can get them the professional guidance/support that they need

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Unfortunately we're only online friends so I can't be of help in real life, but we have been friends for long years

Her depression is apparently so severe, she's at that phase where she doesn't have the will to do anything so it's difficult to get her to pursue new hobbies or do any physical activity. I'm trying to get her to commit herself to reading or watching a long manga / anime because that's something I did when I had cancer and I felt it helped take my mind of things at the time. I don't know how helpful it'd be to her but she seems to be open for the idea

Quote from TheLadybug

nonono

at least from personal experience, your friend probably NEEDS someone like you to tell her to live even if it's just for your own selfish feelings

idk how to explain it but when you can't find a reason to live, if someone else sees a reason for you to live, it must be worth living yk ???? it's probably different for everyone but the point is you gotta convince her not to do it lmao

like you said, she wants to be helped !! even when ppl can't find any actual reasons to live, we still want to find reasons. plsss tell her not to do it

I told her the fact she's asking for my opinion shows that she needs help and she said I'm right but I don't know how to help her in an effective way

I begged her not to take the book but she said she already did and so far she could stop herself from reading it.

I'm trying to give her suggestions and advices that helped me when I had cancer but the difference is I actually wanted to live back then so our experiences can't be the same

Quote from 2yr

this friend is online, there's only so much in your control to say or do. she's asked for your thoughts/feelings so you can speak your mind based on the things she has chosen to reveal to you about herself or..her friend. while it's not always the case, sometimes situations like this are meant to manipulate you and can lead to being scammed online.

whether something is going to be considered insensitive by her is not the most important request she's made of you. she wants to know why you think it's bad advice and for you to either listen to her thoughts/feelings and to validate or invalidate with your opinion as a guide or to simply be present for her. she doesn't trust what her therapist has offered and instead is asking you. if you worry about being insensitive, maybe you could preface with "i care about you and i worry that this might seem insensitive to you and if it does, it's not my intention..." or something similar. if you think she is going to do something rash it's ok to acknowledge your discomfort and disengage. this type of situation is difficult even for mental health professionals so it's kind of you to even attempt to help your friend. you may also wish to ask her what she plans to do or if she plans to do anything about her feelings or her situation. it can be exhausting to deal with someone who has suicidal thoughts so please remember to take care of yourself so you can avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Thank you for the advice, it's really kind of you to tell me this because I do indeed feel overwhelmed. But I genuinely want to help her, I feel like she's hesitating and reaching out because she wants to be helped. I just feel helpless because I don't have the means or experience to know what to say or do to help her exactly. I don't want to say something that might aggravate her condition